Attitude, Responsibility and Respect (Story)

Sharon tried to think back over the six months that had passed since that first time Peter had taken her over his knee. She was trying to see if she could remember each of the spankings that she had. It’s not that there had been too many spankings to count. Peter being a man of his word had always done his best to make sure that every single spanking would be VERY memorable, something he was painfully good at too. “Oh he is so wonderful and he loves me too” she thought and smiled at the difference.

Sharon knew she had changed so much, Peter had changed too, actually not much at all. The way that Sharon looked at Peter is what had changed most. Sharon now not only loved Peter, she realized that she respected him as a man as well, that is what had been missing before. Oh, there were times when he could, and would still push her button and get her angry, but she could no longer stay angry with him for hours let alone days, thankfully it was no longer tolerated thank God. Now they were communicating and if the conversation started to get out of hand, Peter would no longer tolerate it, he would simply put a stop to it with that phrase… “That’s quite enough. We’ll talk about this later when cooler heads prevail”. Those words, “That’s quite enough…” over the past six months had taken on such a new meaning for Sharon. She thought back how before, they had been keywords to turn up the heat, more volume, anger or sarcasm. Now Sharon knew that whenever she heard those words she was very close to having the heat turned up to nuclear levels on her bottom.

It had been less than a week since that first spanking, Sharon wasn’t sure now just how many days it had been in retrospect, she did remember it had been at least several days as she was no longer squirming on the kitchen chair THAT morning as she sipped her coffee. The first morning after, she could still clearly feel that first spanking’s agonizing glow. The next day after that, only when sitting or moving a certain way, That sensation, the sting, the heat, the tingle, although not a pleasant feeling, was always accompanied by such a contentment and a sense of security that she just couldn’t explain. That morning she had started in on Peter after he left a mess near the coffee machine. Peter had apologized as he cleaned it up, but no… she couldn’t leave well enough alone. She didn’t even remember what else she began to nag Peter about but it built and intensified till finally Peter said “That’s quite enough…”. Unfortunately for her bottom it wasn’t enough for Sharon, she didn’t let it go. Finally Peter went quiet and gave her “that look”… It pierced right through her as he told her in a calm quiet voice to get the hairbrush and wait in the bedroom.

Sharon had obediently gone to the bedroom, she took the hairbrush from the dresser, her hand shaking nervously as she placed it on the edge of the bed. It had not been said, nor implied but she knew what to do next as she then went to the corner and closed her eyes reliving how she got there. Peter would certainly be scolding but she already knew that it wasn’t the nagging, it wasn’t making an issue of the great coffee pot mess, it was the display of disrespect when she ignored her husband’s decision. Peter had decided that the conversation had degraded to argument and he wasn’t going to tolerate that decision being ignored.

As she anticipated and listened for Peter to enter the room Sharon convinced herself that this wouldn’t be too bad, she was glad that he had not told her to get that wicked bath brush, that would be intolerable. She knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant of course, and she knew that she didn’t really want it to be, but she wanted to be on the other side of the spanking and in Peter’s arms. Time in the corner always went by far too slowly, she wanted to get it over with and then found herself thinking the opposite… “Oh God, not already…” as she heard Peter walk into the room.

It had been less than two minutes since Peter walked into the room but already Sharon was sobbing uncontrollably, the tears welled up and streaked down her cheeks as Peter scolded his wife for her disrespect. She felt so much pain for having disappointed her loving husband as he pointed out, that this was the sort of thing that in their past had exploded into days and sometimes weeks of not talking to one another. Peter was determined that would never happen again.

“Come here now” were more words that now had much more power when she heard them from Peter, she obeyed. As she turned she watched as Peter rolled up his shirt sleeve, he then took his wristwatch from his left and moved it to his right wrist. Peter was left handed and she knew Peter was moving it to his other arm to protect it, she wanted her butt somehow moved for protection but knew the only place it was going would offer only presentation and absolutely no protection whatsoever. The sight of Peter moving his watch had made her gasp a quick breath, in the following months this became a silent and secret signal they shared. Sometimes a warning to be missed by others in public, sometimes a promise of what was coming. Sharon quickly learned how to tell the difference, it depended on being paired with “that look”.

Now she was over Peter’s lap and he continued to scold as the first warm up smacks found their target. Sharon said a little prayer asking for this to go quickly, seconds later Peter while picking up the pace announced that this was going to take quite some time and that she would be back in the corner at least once before it was all over.

The intensity of the sting had been incredible, now the elastic bands of her panties were laying right across the most tender spots of her bottom, it stung, tingled, itched and burned all at the same time and she wanted so much to touch and comfort her bottom but she knew better. Hands folded behind her head she concentrated on the pains, the pain from her bottom, but more importantly the pain in her heart that she had come so close to damaging their relationship with her disrespect as she had done so many times in the past. Grateful she now knew that her man would never allow that to happen ever again. He had said after sending her to the corner for the “intermission” that seemingly such a simple of sign of disrespect for him, or for herself would always get her the most severe spankings since they could so deeply cut the bond between them. Through the pain, because of it or in spite of it she felt it so strongly, she thought silently “God, I love this man”.

Sharon was regaining her composure and now was thinking that it just wasn’t fair that men got to wear boxer shorts if they chose but women had to have elastic bands in all the wrong places. Then again the signals that came from those elastic bands could be very strong indeed. Peter knew it too, her panties had been lowered in an almost cerimonious fashion, damn that man does too much research. He knew that the panties coming down and then going back on for the corner time added extra brain signals to the whole spanking experience. Just then Peter came back into the bedroom, as he sat on the edge of the bed he ordered his wife to tug them down so he could see how much more work he had to do… “Devious SOB, he knows exactly what he’s doing to me” she thought, then obeyed.

Peter quietly admired his lovely wife’s ass as he thought this whole spanking thing has a lot of added benefits, in all the years of their marriage he couldn’t think of a single time before when he could have said “Sharon, turn around and drop your panties so I can look at your ass…”. He realized that in spite of being a truly wonderful “Kodak Moment” this had to stay serious and real, he was resolve in not letting this be anything other than the exact discipline his wonderful woman needed. With this new life they were living Sharon had challenged him to be a real man and he wasn’t going to be anything less than that for her. Peter could see that he had left an uneven pattern and there was still more work to do, but he knew that it wasn’t her butt he was spanking but her attitude. They had decided that there would only be three simple rules and that would be that he would always hold her accountable for Attitude, Responsibility and Respect. This incident could fall into two of these categories but he had to consider this an issue of Respect and that had the most potential to be harmful. He had a job to do, he ordered Sharon to pull her panties back up and told her they would be getting back to business in just a few minutes.

Sharon returned to Peter’s lap when ordered, she squirmed slightly to get as comfortable as possible and as she did she could feel that Peter had a very quick response to her squirms under his jeans as she could feel him begin to grow. “Not now young lady, lay still, we’re not done yet” Peter’s tone made it clear that he would not be distracted from what he intended to do. She bit her lower lip and closed her eyes as she felt Peter tugging the panties back down. As the minutes went by just like that first real spanking a few short days ago she felt an intense pain that had to be soothed, that pain was not related to the endless sting landing on her bottom, that terrible pain was not being in his arms.

It had all fallen together so perfectly and she was very content with her sore bottom that Peter was now rubbing tenderly. They were embraced and cuddling for what seemed like both minutes and hours. Peter’s hand now was behind her neck, caressing her ear and holding her close. They settled and laid together quietly, after a few moments she slid her hand along Peters chest, she released the top button of his shirt and then moved her hand down to his jeans to find that what she felt earlier.

They spent the rest of the morning making love like newlyweds. They were now cuddling and laughing. Sharon said “Honey, I’m going to need to run up the credit card a bit. Each time you pushed deep inside me all I could think about was that I had to buy new sheets that won’t feel like sandpaper”.

Last Night (Story)

Moved this over from one of my other blogs that I've now deleted.

Good morning cutie,
:)
What a nice little smile! You certainly seem to already be in such a happy mood this morning. Well, it was a wonderful night of love making wasn't it. I can't remember the last time we went at each other like that. Of course I don't think either one of us planned it that way did we.

I'm sorry, I know you're still very, very tender, but it had to happen. When you first came home and you were being so... quiet, I knew there was probably a lot on your mind. I understand that, but when you neaarly chopped my head off with that comment... I think it was the tone that really pulled my trigger. I could see in your eyes instantly that you knew what you had just set in motion. Of course when I sent you to our bedroom I think we both knew that it was going to have to be something we both remembered for a long time.

What really surprised me was how instantly angry I became. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I think it took all of maybe two seconds before I had you over the table with you skirt up, panties down and both cheeks addressed. Yes,I saw the shock in your eyes as you turned and scurried to the bedroom, I was as shocked as you were. I'm so glad we use corner time. It may be unpleasant waiting and not knowing what is going to happen... or perhaps knowing what is going to happen, but not knowing how and for how long, but I would never want to put you over my knee for a long spanking so angry. You do know that it isn't anger that gets you over my knee, it's my love for you.

You know it seemed to take so long, I was both so affraid of hurting you, yet still knew it had to hurt a lot for the sake of our relationship. It doesn't make it any easier. Certainly not as enjoyable as the long sensual erotic spanking we did later last night.

I actually saw you go through all of the stages, especially when the fight was gone and you were still taking it all. Then when you were at peace with your situation... The good part of course was when you rolled over and embraced me... that voice of your's, it's SO sexy... Your sobbing whisper of "...thank you honey for loving me so much". I knew that the only thing that mattered in the world was this wonderful woman in my arms.

Well, it's time to wake you, might be a bit early... but you won't be getting ready for work right away. It might have been too much, assigning you a spanking for this morning too, but I can't go back on it now and I know you wouldn't want me to. Well you know I won't be feeling the sting and tingle that you will be feeling all day long, but I'll still be thinking of you, all day long too honey.

The First Time (Story)

rSharon was getting a bit antsy as she stood in the corner waiting for what was going to be her first real spanking. It had been such a burning desire for so long to know just what it would be like, to feel so helpless and so much under the control of her loving husband. It had been so difficult of a subject to bring up, Sharon was so affraid that Peter would think she was some sort of warped psycho who needed therapy she had kept her desire secret from Peter for years.

Now as the time for Sharon's spanking approached Peter was calling out her remaining corner time and she was getting very nervous. "Honey, I have to pee..." she told Peter. Her soon to be Head of Household gave her permission to go to the bathroom, and told her that her remaining corner time of five minutes was now doubled to ten upon her return. She almost complained then realized it would certainly be the wrong thing to do. She smiled slightly as she realized she hadn't even been spanked yet and she was already learing to choose her words for the wiser.

Back in the corner she tried to stand still and failed miserably. Peter had already warned her once and said there would be no more warnings. She still had eight minutes to go when she heard Peter get out of his chair and walk toward the corner. Then she heard it, Peter undid his buckle and pulled his belt through the loops. The chill and shiver that went through her body was so strong she became putty as she heard that sound. Peter placed a chair behind her and ordered her to bend over and place her hands on the the seat of the chair. He wasn't going to wait, she had been disobedient in the corner and her HOH was going to deal with the matter right now. Twice he told her to stick her butt out further before that first crack landed across both cheeks. Nine more rapid cracks of Peter's belt pierced through her skirt and panties as if they weren't even there, she let out a scream.

This had been a dream, a fantasy, and now a fantasy that was rapidly coming true. Just two short weeks ago Peter was admonishing Sharon for having stopped with her girlfriends from work for cocktails. The fact that Sharon partook of social gathering didn’t bother him at all in fact he thought important that she have her own friends. However the fact that she lost her footing and brushed off the wall as she came into the house told him that she had probably had at least three martinis and then foolishly driven home. It didn’t take long at all before it was a screaming match, shouting at each other and then, without planing it, without realizing it she let out those fateful words that were now changing her life forever… “You don’t really give a f***, if you were a real man and really cared you would spank my ass raw…”. As the words trailed off her tongue silence erupted with the report of the proverbial pregnant pause. Puzzled and hurt Peter in a quiet voice asked for an explanation. Sharon bit her lip as she walked to the wet bar and poured herself a very tall glass of courage. Mumbling to herself as she slowly took the first sip… “In for a penny, in for a pound…” Then proclaimed, “Darling, you may very well think I’m totally f***ed up in the head but the cat is out of the bag so I may as well tell you it all. I know what I want and I know what I need”.

Sharon and Peter sat for hours talking, mostly Sharon doing the talking and she was amazed that Peter was actually listening with an intensity she had seldom seen. She was amazed to learn that Peter after all these years was telling her that he too had a few secret fantasies, they agreed to explore. Over the next two weeks they had become totally engrossed in each other’s interests and spent hours playing and planing and reading ever last bit of information they could find. Teaching each other about how these dreams would play out. This was not going to be a game, not role play, they both wanted this to unquestionably real.

The discomfort she felt was compounded by the fact that Peter had forbidden her from rubbing her sore butt as she now held her position with her hands folded behind her. "Oh shit, this is really going to happen" raced through her mind as peter announced one minute to go, then continued to scold her for the drving incident that would finally be firmly delt with.

As she was told to turn around, she could see that Peter was now sitting on the sofa, her heart skipped a beat as she noticed the hairbrush and bathbrush within his reach. His curling finger motioned her to his lap. As she waited Peter reminded her one more time that there would be no safe word, nothing would prevent her from getting the complete sound spanking she deserved.

It was too late for Sharon to ask herself if she was really sure that this was what she wanted, but she did anyway and gasped as she felt Peter lifting her skirt and then the tug on her panties. He pulled them down far enough to expose the tops of her thigs and she realized it was a mistake to point Peter to some of the better information about spanking on the internet. His hand was now moving across her butt as he pointed out to her all the spots that would be the most sensitive and that he had every intention of taking full advantage of them. He began with a slow warm up with his bare hand, then Peter announced "Honey, this IS what you need and this is going to make you submissive to me".

Sharon had expected a hot burning sensation and had never realized in all her fantasies and even durring the times that she had smacked her own ass to know what it would feel like... That the reality that was now playing out on her bottom was a sting, a relentless intensifying sting. The sting was building upon itself with every smack of Peter's firm hand and it was really starting to scare her that she wasn't going to be able to take very much of this. "Ok, wait... stop" she said as she moved her hand to block Peter's smacks. "No baby, it's not going to stop and in fact it hasn't even started yet" Peter answered, then grabed her hand and held it in place behind her back and made sure she realized that the smacks were going to get faster and faster.

Sharon was getting upset, Peter was smacking too fast and too often in the same spot, he wasn't doing it right and he was going to make it hurt too much in one spot. She decided that this had to stop now, if Peter wasn't going to stop she decied it was time to just jump up and put a stop to it now. Sharon was furiosuly kicking her legs now and if she had to she was going to bounce herself right off of Peter's lap. Contrary to her plans Peter held her in place and then swung his free leg over hers locking her in place. "No sweetie, you're not going anywhere and I'll be the onc to decide when you've had enough, we're just getting started".

The pause while he changed position barely gave Sharon a chance to take a breath before she lost it all, the hairbrush arrived with a fierce intensity that she had never imagined. Sharon was now crying loudly and began to plead, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. Peter found that the flat of the brush on the sides of her cheeks were really getting a reaction so he concentrated there and changed spots without a predictable rhythym. Every time Sharon thought "I hope not that spot again..." sure enough it was as if he was reading her mind and landed a relentless volley in that exact spot. When he concentrated on the crease between her cheeks and thighs she began to fear that Peter would never stop.

Sharon was begging and pleading now, telling Peter she was so sorry. Peter in a calm determined voice answered her pleas, "Yes honey, I know your sorry, but not sorry enough yet". Sharon wasn't crying out so loud anymore as she mentally prayed that she could faint and wake up as it was all over, but instead was fealing more alert the less she wanted.

Sharon began to realize that this spanking that she was hating was exactly what had to happen. Her man, the man who loved her so much was taking his rightful place as her Head of Household and he was finally proving he wouldn't tolerate her hurting herself or their relationship anymore. Sharon latched so hard onto that acceptance that suddenly she realized that she hadn't even been able to tell that Peter had switched to the bath brush. She did know it was the bath brush, it was so God awful intense and the sting was accompanied by a deeper wallop now. Just as she was sure this was the right thing for her and thanked God it had finally happened Peter switched back to his bare hand. She wanted him to stop so much now, but not because of the pain but because it was so painful to not be hugging and kissing Peter, she needed to be held right now more than anytime in her life.

As Peter released the lock on Sharon's legs and moved her hand free she in one fell swoop was at his neck kissing and hugging him, begging him to forgive her. She began to wimper things that she thought were long forgotten in her own mind, begging him to forgive her, telling him everything as her emotions poured out in her tears and wimpers.

Peter simply whisperd "I know baby, it's all over now, everything is forgiven, everything will be alright... shush baby, it's all over...".

(To Be Continued)

Actually to be continued by you !!

I am asking any reader of this blog to respond with their own version of the perfect ending to this story.

I'll read any and choose the one that best matches my personal dream of how this expereince progresses.

Should they go on to hours of cuddling?

Perhaps Sharon and Peter go into a wild D/s adventure that tests their resolve to make thins work...

Or, perhaps they next try an erotic spanking.... How would it play out in your mind?

Personally I could write this story with a hundred different endings.

But...

I'm asking how would you end this story?



Vince

The Mentor and Spankee

"My bottom smarts"
"it stings so bad"
"It burns and hurts"
"I can't sit..."

So many women want to be able to say these things. It’s absolutely amazing how many women want to be disciplined and actually spanked till they can't think of anything else. They want to be spanked. They want a man who will take control and teach them to be submissive to his authority in a relationship.

But...
It just doesn't happen that way. For as hard as it is for a man to find a woman who wants to be spanked, it's just as hard for a woman to find a man that she can tell that she needs to be spanked.

So, many women while wanting to find a head of household actually find a Dom. That can be all well and good, or it could be a nightmare. He may work out to be the perfect solution or he may treat her as a doormat which may be the last thing she wants.

As I've posted before it's not domination that makes a good HOH, rather honorable character, integrity and consistency. It would seem that most people have a common view that respect must exist by and between both parties. How can you have respect without those precious traits.

However wherever or however you find these things people should always take every conceivable caution especially for that first time meeting if between a would-be Mentor and Spankee. Discuss it all and understand every step, ask and answer all question even the tough ones. Protect yourself with a call from a friend that knows. Nothing new, but when it feels like it's going to happen all caution goes to the wind, be smart and avoid that error.

Five Lies Women Tell Themselves

Wow, what an epiphany.

Guys... Wake up and smell the coffee!!!.

The woman in you life may very well want to tell you things... Things that she wants to do... Special things that may fulfill her fantasies. She needs you to have an open mind....

Here's the scoop:

I've spoken with more than one lady who has found her way into the world of DD through D/s or BDSM. In fact I've spoken with, or had LONG involved IM discussions with women who:

1) She’s was sure that you would NEVER agree to spank her.

2) She’s sure that you are SO square that if you heard her fantasies you would call a lawyer to find out how you could have her committed

3) She’s convinced that you'll never understand that SHE HAS FANTASIES TOO !!!! (because she doesn't know you have them).

4) She thinks that you would never let her try to find your 'G' spot. (Yes, you have one too)

5) That all you want is a quick lay or a nice BJ... and a cold beer... Well, you do!!! But more is nice too... but they she doesn’t know that.


These poor women just don't understand that we guys do have more than a passing interest in sex. The poor things think we just want to pump out a kid or two, get a nice BJ now and then and call it a day. The poor thing just doesn’t realize that we might actually be willing to climb into bed with both her and her fabulously large breasted best friend along with a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Yo...
(I'm from Philly)

For GOD sake tell her you like sex!!!

No Safe Word

It's impossible to explore the BDSM world without having a firm understanding of Safe, Sane and Consensual. They are the magic words that bind and set the boundaries of safe sex play. Everyone who plays this way must have/use a "safe word". One couple may decide that "Red !!!" will make everything stop... "Yellow" means "I'm getting scared. and green means give me more asshole you're not being hard enough with me. No matter... In the world of LDD it can be just the opposite and a couple that has decided to push the edge of LDD may very well decide that Safe, Sane and Consensual have no place in their bedroom. To do so requires and intense trust and complete communication.

When she is ordered over his lap she may may want to know that she does not have a way of stopping the inevitable spanking. She may very well want to know that absolutely nothing will, or can prevent or protect her from getting a her life altering bottom warming.. She may want that kick of knowing that all control is taken away.When there is such a surrender of control there is compete trust and an intensity that can not be described.

We Truly Are a Creative Lot

Since spanking can be such a mind game I was wondering just which implement got the most attention from bottom/subs when it was realized that a fresh cheek warming was coming their way. That initial attention "Oh Shi* Factor" can have such an impression on the perceived severity of the forthcoming spanking.

This morning I posted a little quiz on my Yahoo 360 page, I started adding the typical things, paddles and such and then I realized that the list could be virtually endless and left a simple "Other" as the last choice for everything else from wooden spoons to canes. Realizing that the general spanko community is full of creative minds and at the drop of a hat we can look at virtually anything and wonder just how it could be used and might it be an effective implement. We truly are a creative lot aren't we?

I'm anxious to see if anyone comments with a "You should have had "X" as a choice because...".

Inquiring minds want to know.

Is It True?

This entry started as a reply to sassyminx who commented on my previous post. I decided it needed an entry of it's own. Oh, well... perhaps it's silly to spend so much time wondering why we, who do TTWD, do this thing we do...


Does a submissve regret the disapponitment that you've caused your HOH more than the pain of the spanking?


Do you think this brings a D/s (as in BDSM) aspect to the relationship?

or...

Perhaps, do you think that that practicing LDD makes ones want to avoid the consequences of pain or dissapointment equally?

or...

Do you crave the pain of the punishment spanking because you know that with it comes forgiveness and aftercare?



Perhaps what drives you is the need for a 24/7 in the home. You are in control in your profession, but don't want control at all in your private life.

Just some thought provokers...

Tell me what you think, makes you crave LDD.

Pain or Pleasure

The head of household has ordered his partner to the corner, at the appropriate moment he then orders her to his side. He clearly explains what is going to happen, she is going to be spanked. He’s made it clear that it’s not going to be quick and done, this will take a while. By the time he is done he intends to have completely secured her submission to him as her HOH.

Her skirt has been raised, her panties are down, she is laying across her HOH’s knee, she knows that there is no escape as she waits for the spanking to begin. She feels the first light slaps find her still cool bottom as the warm-up begins. The slaps are not very rapid and in fact are happening very slowly, there are pauses as he caresses between slaps. The spanks are coming harder now, in fact, very hard but still not very fast. The smacks sting and warm her bottom but it’s a good warm, the sting tingles and it’s spreading to other areas. His hands are roaming more and more, fingers are probing everywhere between smacks and instead of kicking and trying to escape, this time her pelvis is thrusting upward to meet and welcome every hard smack. She knows the spanking is getting very intense but she no longer hates the pain, she now craves it. She is somewhere different now, floating like an out of body experience and all sense of time is gone. The HOH is totally amazed at the response from each swing, there appears to be no end to her pleasure, she wants more and more.

What has happened here is that with very little difference in the actual process of spanking, pausing and probing and caressing has taken what would be an act of discipline and turned it into an extraordinarily erotic experience. The preparation, the words that were spoken, all similar but profoundly different and the intended destination of the spanking was different too. I’ve said before that one does not spank the butt, it’s merely a conduit to the brain. This time it has become a conduit to indescribable pleasure.

What is illustrated here is the power in the words and delivery. That swing with the stingy paddle can have a profoundly different response when it lands on the bottom. How it was framed, with scolding and other preparation a spanking is sent to the emotional core and the sting in the butt is small compared to the pain of knowing she caused her HOH disappointment.

The Different Stages of a Spanking

I found a file on a Yahoo group. The file was posted by ddsamantha13, it appears to be a pretty good analysis of the different stages and thoughts that go through a submissive's mind during a spanking. What I'm going to do is quote the list, and comment on each item.

1. Submission to the spanking.

Time to submit, I am either required to bare myself and wait for him to enter the room, or he walks with me down the hall, holding my hand, leading me. Sometimes I pray: Lord forgive me for X. Father I give you this rebellious spirit and ask that you replace it with your Spirit, making me a treasure before you and my husband.

Other times, I have prayed WAY before the punishment and I am now either so overcome with remorse for what I have done--or I am in full dread mode because I know I truly deserve what is about to happen to me.

When it comes time to actually assume a position or retrieve an implement, I am usually embarrassed. Especially if he requires me to make eye contact.

Sometimes the punishment is proceeded by talking --WHILE I am in position. I am asked if I know why I am being punished and I am required to give an honest answer. If it is incomplete, or incorrect, I am told exactly WHY I am in the position I am in. I am asked if I FULLY understand. Then, the time for talking is over.

The submission began long before "The walk down the hall", of course it began with her decision to trust her HOH and give him the authority to hold her accountable. This isn't play and she knows it's not play, it's real because she and her HOH want it to be that way.

2. I can handle this.

Sometimes I skip this stage... if he starts out with lots of gusto. But if I enter this stage it is usually because I am a bit pious about my abilities to contain any emotion that might give him a sense of satisfaction. At this stage I have a wall of PRIDE, that I am not going to let him see me give into this pain... (Just remember Pride goeth before the panties fall... Or just after they fall... *said grinning*). Some times, if I have a defiant attitude about the punishment, I try to turn this into a battle of wills. He is NOT going to see me hurt!

She's describing a slow build-up and warm up for this stage, the way she describes it's as if she doesn't like her "Wall of Pride" and defiance, she'll be happy when it is gone and it won't be long now.

3. Ouch--that hurts.
My mind is beginning to spin and really think. It is usually not thinking on what got me here, but that it is hurting a bit more, but I am still not giving in. No way is he going to see me squirm! I MIGHT be starting to be a bit worried at this point.

The spanking is building upon itself and she's starting to remember that this isn't going to be pleasant.

4. Ouch that REALLY hurts.
Even closer, I am probably squirming quite a bit, repeating a mantra, of STOP I got the point, okay, pleeeeze stop, but still not thinking through why I am here. Besides the squirming, if I am OTK, even though my legs are trapped under his leg, my feet are trying to run the 3 minute mile....kicking frantically. If my head is in my pillow....I am squeezing it and biting it to not cry out too loud. I'm starting
to sweat!

The HOH is doing an effective job, but the job certainly isn't done yet. She's no longer trying to hide that it hurts, she's vocally admitting the spanking, but she hasn't accepted it yet. "Ok I get it" or "I'm sorry" at this stage just means the HOH needs to keep going, there's more work to do.

5. OK---ENOUGH--STOP!!!!
PURE PANIC sets in! Is this ever going to stop? I have to get away. The struggle becomes intensified. At this point the tiger is waking. FLIGHT-- or--FIGHT seem the only options.

The submissive has really begun to realize that the spanking is not optional. She's not going to make the storm on her butt go away with words, her natural instinct is to escape the pain. The HOH needs to make sure that she can not get away or the effort so far will have been a waste.

6. Full fledged anger and pain avoidance

(may physically fight HOH and need to be restrained or firmly held down so they understand that escape is NOT an option)

I AM NOT STAYING PUT ANY LONGER! BYE! I AM DONE-- CATCH YA LATER!! LET ME GO!!! NOW!!!!!!!!! Tiger is fully awake and In attack mode. My body is REALLY fighting now and all of my strength is fighting to escape. I am MAD!!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!!!! OH GOD......PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!!!!

This is like the previous stage but now her anger and desire to escape isn't just hot, it's boiliing. This is a very dangerous time, if she were to actually escape that tiger she describes would turn the tables and surely consume the poor unsuspecting helpless HOH.

7. Acceptance of punishment
(as shown by stopping fighting And accepting the spanks--HOH should be sure and continue for just a short bit at this point)

Now I know I can't get away so I think about why I am here (briefly) but it is very necessary for that to happen. The tiger is panting and out of fight...and is now accepting of her fate. She is starting to understand. No fighting now... just a slowly building awareness that a wrong has been done... and the price will be paid.

This stage is the first sign for the HOH that there is an end in sight and the job has been done properly. She now knows that her HOH has held her accountable, not just this time but she knows he will the next time too. There has been a special memory created, spanking the bottom has gotten to the brain.

8. Repentance
(need to be forgiven and vow to not do again)

Pride is gone! Why I am here has been thought through, and he has made sure I WILL AVOID AT ALL COSTS, any similar incident. Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted.
Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! YOU, for your submission, and HIM, for his strength and leadership in your relationship. All is again right in your little corner of God's world.

This is the Holy Grail of Loving Domestic Discipline. This is the most important part of the whole spanking. The HOH must forgive her, he should tell her that everything is forgiven, everything will be allright. The emotions that flow forth must be accepted with as much aftercare as needed, nothing else matters.

"Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted. Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! ... All is again right in your little corner of God's world."
What a wonderful sentiment.

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.

The Benefits of Scolding

At the very least right before a punishment spanking starts there should be a “talking to”. It’s very important to reinforce and in the case of a punishment spanking, actually rebuild submission. Therefore it should go without saying that scolding can be a very big part of a punishment spanking, by setting and controlling the mood. It doesn’t have to be long, berating or intense enough to bring tears before a smack touches butt. It does however have to be a clear explanation to the bottom why she is getting spanked, she should of course agree that the forthcoming spanking is well deserved.

The scolding doesn’t have to be a two-way conversation, it can be a lecture during corner time. It should however be punctuated with properly placed questions to keep the attention and to make sure she is involved in, or agrees with the decision that a spanking is called for.

HOH: “You, never should have tried to put off taking care of that matter. It would have been so much simpler for everyone if you had simply taken care of it as soon as you knew it had to be done. Is there some reason why you thought it had to be put off till the last minute?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then perhaps I should blame myself for neglecting your discipline.
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: Perhaps our maintenance isn’t often enough, or severe enough to remind you that I will hold you accountable, did I somehow give you that impression?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Did you think that when I found out I would simply ignore the matter?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then I can assume that we both agree that you deserve to be punished?”
SO: ”Yes Sir”.

HOH: “Do you know what I’m going to do about this matter?”
SO: “Yes Sir”

HOH: “Tell me what’s going to be happening here in a few minutes”
SO: “You’re going to spank me Sir”

HOH: “Well that’s part of it I suppose. Actually I’m going to be teaching you some lessons, lessons that I had hoped you would have learned already without forcing me to spank you. I’m going to remind you that when you have something to do, you need to do it and not procrastinate. I’m going to remind you that I will hold you accountable, because you want me to. I’m going to remind you of your submission to me. I’m going to remind you that I will not ever ignore my responsibility and that the consequences of disappointing me can be severe and are best avoided. If I don’t sense that you are truly sorry, we’ll be doing this again until you are. Do you understand me?”
SO: “Yes Sir”.

These questions and statements don’t have to be right after one another, they can of course be several minutes apart during corner time. The significance and intensity will be far greater and you’ll be much more likely to force her emotions to release freeing and clearing her mind and heart of everything until the only thing left between the two of you is love.

These things, some or all need to be said, always remembering that you’re really spanking the mind, not the buttocks. These things, some or all do need to be said, but never yelled. If you’re yelling, you need to calm down before you go any further.

Loving Domestic Discipline v2

The thought of an LDD, Loving Domestic Discipline relationship has captured me. I've come to the conclusion that I will never again settle for anything less in a relationship. It's what I seek, it's what I crave and the only way I will ever have the perfect love.

I'm certainly not the only person with this opinion, in fact I'm more amazed every day as I find out about more and more people who are "de-lurking" and "coming out". I read a number of blogs about LDD on a regular basis and some message boards such as Spanking Classics Story Board and on a regular basis there are a number of people who sign on and say they've been reading for some time (lurking) and they've finally decided to join the board and take part in the discussion. They often say they have just started, or wish they could start a DD relationship with their spouse. Additionally there are people who sign on and say they and their spouse have been practicing a DD relationship for years. Who ever knew.

See also: How to Tell Your Thick Headed Husband

The Dominant HOH

I've talked with several women who thought that what they needed was some form D/s or power exchange, They are usually of strong will and do not lack confidence yet they desire to give up control in the home. They gravitated to some sort of BDSM experience but had no interest in being the typical submissive or slave, that wasn't what they were looking for. One way or another they found out about Loving Domestic Discipline and now they've decided that it's the kind of relationship that they've always needed.

I've also read quite a few posts on bulletin boards written by women who say they are looking for a dominant man who will able to rise to the role of HOH. These women have a need to respect and be respected. On the other hand, too often waiting for them is the Dominant who will treat them like a doormat and that is not what they are after either.

So the point that I suppose I'm trying to make is that I don't believe a Head of Household need be of dominant nature in the D/s sense, but he does need to be strong. Seeking an HOH or seeking to be one... it's strength of character, integrity and decisiveness that are traits that must be sought and developed.

Once in a dynamic LDD relationship the ongoing need for respect, consistency and fairness can best be served with these old fashioned traits and nothing less. Remembering always that the HOH must live to a higher standard, the relationship makes both parties better.

Some Spanking Techniques

I can not proclaim myself as an expert, however what I compiled is the result of considerable reading of the thoughts and experiences of myself and others. Your mileage may vary, this isn't the only place to do reasearch. Ok, disclaimer out of the way.

There is no one right way to spank, there are however many wrong ways. Wrong way would be to weave erotic play into what is intended as a DD action. Another wrong way would be to injure, the beauty of the bottom… well actually there are many beauties of the bottom, but I digress. The beauty of the bottom is the ability to provide an attention getting memorable experience without permanent harm. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not the bottom that you are talking too, it’s all in the mind and the bottom is the conduit.

Clothing
Every couple may have their own preference for clothing during a spanking. Consider however the advantages of both the man and woman being fully clothed up until the moment the spanking begins. The core desire here is to keep this fully separate from erotic spanking. Many couples have dress code rules that specify skirts and dresses always unless permission is given otherwise. In day to day happenings she will always be aware that all it takes is a quick bend, lift of the skirt and tug of the panties to put her in her place. When she is ordered to hold up her skirt or pull down her own panties in preparation, the anticipation this brings is a powerful thing for the mind.

Position
One of the most important aspects of making the spanking effective is positioning. Positioning can and I believe should be different depending on just why she is being spanked.

Maitenance
My belief is that Maintenance Spanking should always start and finish over the lap or over the knee. It’s a natural position of submission and the closeness provides mental benefits for both of you. Most men will find that over the lap just doesn’t work very well, after a few minutes when her bottom starts to really light up she may start kicking her legs and even reaching back with her hands to stop the smacks. That can be very dangerous and you both could be injured. What works better is the classic over the knee position, also known as OTK. To do OTK she is laying over just one of your thighs, your other leg is wrapped on top of her legs holding them down and effectively preventing her from kicking or escaping. Her back is being held down with your free arm or, if you are right handed you are holding her right hand behind her back with your left hand. If she is fighting hold her wrist firmly, if she has submitted hold her hand, the closeness is enhanced and reinforces her submission.

Punishment
Punishment spankings can and probably should be a bit less personal at the start depending on just why she is being spanked. They should especially at the beginning, be much more formal, corner time is almost always a must before and between innings. You can build up the anticipation while she is in the corner, letting her hear the clatter of implements, calling out the minutes until the session begins, and providing calm scolding for the infraction that put her in this position. It’s also worth while at this time to mention to her that you really don’t want to do this and you would rather be doing something else, but she has forced you to do this.

For punishment you should consider more latitude for positioning, you of course must be comfortable. She doesn’t have to be comfortable and if she’s not, so much the better to a degree but she should be at least comfortable enough to not be distracted by the position. Her attention needs to be held by what’s happening to her bottom and not too distracted by the position. Bent over a chair or table, at the foot of the bed or even lying on the bed with her butt propped high on pillows are all good methods. The position can add a tinge of humiliation and that can be enhanced in several ways. Particularly useful if she got herself this spanking with arrogance or disrespect. If her bottom is propped on a stool or other firm item that won’t move, be aware that each smack will be much more powerful as there will be no give.

Impements
It should be noted that large or heavy paddles may pack quite a wallop and certainly get attention, but then bruise or if used with too much force actually to some serious damage. Be very careful, try some whacks on your own bare butt before introducing something new, know what you are using. If she is small in stature, petite or with a tiny-hiney feel where her pelvic bone is, avoid it and concentrate on those two pillow mounds. The best items to use by far are lighter things that may provide less impact but a world of sting.

The most natural implement is your hand.
Your hand also will feel the most personal to your significant other. Unfortunately your hand will most likely not be up to the task of giving her the proper spanking that she wants and needs. The first attempt at delivering a spanking will probably happen with you holding your hand firm and swinging as hard as you can. Well you’ll only be able to do that about for a dozen swings at the most. Doing so will make your hand sting more than her bottom and you’ll quickly lose interest in that. You can prolong the usefulness of your hand by using a limp wrist with your fingers open and relaxed.

Other items can vary greatly from the specialized paddles and floggers to the use of everyday items. The breadboard that hangs on the wall with the "Home Sweet Home", useable like a school paddle for a few smacks, certainly too massive and easy to overdo. However, every time it is seen, caught out of the corner of the eye, for days and even weeks after, the memory will return. Her hairbrush if its maybe 2 ½ by 4 inches, probably looks a bit small but if it’s shaped right, flat or with a small convex, capable of an intense sting. It’s obvious that her hairbrush will be a daily reminder. Remember that little toy you had as a child? The paddle with a ball at the end of an elastic string… very light weight… intense sting. Remember it’s not heavy pull for the fence swings, they will wear you both out way too soon. Try very rapid light smacks, they’ll feel like a sitting on a hornets nest.

How to Tell Your Thick Headed Husband

I've spent a lot of time reading everything I can find on LDD or Taken in Hand relationships. I've read a lot of posts by women who are frustrated and don't know how to tell their SO what it is that they want and crave.

So,
I decided to write a little Domestic Discipline "Primer" from a guy to guys that a woman could copy, edit and print off. Then place it under his coffee mug some morning....

No, better place it on top of the mug otherwise he might not see it. Then, all the needy lady has to do is place a nice hairbrush or other scary implement on his pillow or dresser and patiently wait for the fireworks to start.

So here is: Loving DD

The reason you are reading this is because the woman in your life has something to tell you that she doesn’t know how to vocalize. How can that be? For as long as you’ve known her, she certainly has never before been at a loss of words. Well this subject can be sensitive, she doesn’t know how you will react or what you will think of her.

She wants to change the doubt that she has for this and any other subject, she wants to build a firm foundation of trust and communication for not only this subject but for all subjects so she can know that she can talk to you about anything. Ok, this is already starting to sound like it’s going to be a major pain in the butt, well it will be a lot of work and require a major time commitment for both of you. Let me assure you, it certainly will be a major pain in the butt, the good news it won’t be your butt.

A Strong Woman
Your lady is probably a strong confident woman of character, perhaps well educated but none the less she just about always knows what she wants and seldom if ever hesitates to do whatever is necessary. If she works outside the home she may hold a position of authority with responsibilities that she handles skillfully and or charge of a number of employees.

So how can it be that a woman who may be strong in so many ways has such a difficult time letting you know what she really wants you to now do?

Because, there are sometimes things she doesn’t want to be strong about, at least without your help. There’s something that she wants you to do instead… she wants you to take a more active part in your relationship. She wants you to hold her accountable for her safety, attitude and responsibilities. She's asking for your help.

If she endangers herself, or anyone else for that matter by doing something foolish like driving home after having too many cocktails with her girlfriends… Well, she wants you to take action that will prevent her from ever doing it again!

If she was moody, rude, or down right bitchy to you, or for that matter anyone… Well she wants you to take action that will make her think twice next time before opening her mouth and inserting foot.

If she kept putting off writing the check for the credit card and now it’s late… Well she wants you to take action that will make her want to get those things done that she knows she has to do. She wants you to accept the responsibility of holding her accountable and teach her a lesson that she will be able to remember for a long, long time.

There are other things too.
The next time you two argue, she wants you to put your foot down and lay down the law that there won’t be any more arguing.

She wants you to say "That will be quite enough, we’ll talk about this later when cooler heads prevail!".

She doesn’t want you to make a major decision without her input or agreement, but she does want you to take control of the debate when it’s in danger of being an argument. She wants you to take action. No stupid, not action on the subject, action on the method of conversation.

If she should fail to respect your decision that it wasn’t a conversation, if she doesn’t accept and respect your opinion that no progress was being made, just the same points being berated and restated in louder volumes. If she fails to respect you in any manner during the incident she wants you to take action so that she’ll never do that again. If she does ever forget in the future, she wants to know that you will not tolerate it without consequences.

You see she’s not asking you to make her decisions for her, she’s looking for emotional support and a somewhat constant reinforcement of care and love with your consistent involvement in how you communicate. Now go back and reread this paragraph at least three times, and take notes… no hi-liter on the monitor please.

Why does she want these things?Because as a woman the most sensual and powerful attractant that draws her to you as her man is her respect for you.

No, forget it, it’s not your pride and joy swinging between your legs, she would happily settle for a less endowed man if there is such a thing. It’s not your magical fingers that she enjoys so much. No, it’s not those things that you do with your tongue either. All those things are icing, the real cake is the leadership that you can, or rightfully should provide her as a man. She wants to respect you. She also wants you to respect her, but you already knew that, she’s probably screamed it at you a hundred times.

The good news here if you so choose, you can take action to insure that she never screams at you again, well she might, once.

What brings these things out in a woman?
Simple, if you didn’t notice she’s different from you. No, not just those spots. She thinks differently than you do. Much of what goes on in her mind can become a mix of uncontrollable emotions that build up to an intolerable level, she’s not happy, she might be confused, she wants you to help her.

She does know what she wants, she wants to let all of it go with a good cry. She wants to be leaning on your shoulder, telling you everything, sobbing and clearing her head and heart of all the pent up emotions and unsaid things.

Having you listen, having you forgiver her, having you tell her it will all be alright. In other words dim-wit… she wants you to spank her.

No, not sensual play although she might like that too. She wants a real old fashioned over the knee, you’re going to remember this for a long, long time and never do it again butt stinging, bottom throbbing cheek burning spanking.

However before you even think about giving her what she wants and needs you really do need to know how to do it right. No, you do not. Pay attention and do some other research elsewhere too. If you do it wrong, it will make things much worse and you’ll never be able to explain it to the domestic relations people.

Now you have to be asking yourself why in the world would a woman who you’ve committed to protecting want you to cause her pain?
Well, she doesn’t really want you to cause her pain, she doesn’t want to be hurt at all. In fact if you do it properly she will be kicking, crying, screaming and begging you to stop, but you can not. She knows it’s going to be painful for her and an experience that she in fact really doesn’t want to have.

She does however know that it does have to happen for the sake of the relationship. She knows that her sore bottom will bring a rush of tears and eventually a flood of emotions out that will give her a much needed release. Ultimately she will gain a new found respect for the man who loves her enough to spank her for her own good and the good of your relationship.

What is all this?
It doesn’t really matter what name you give it though this is commonly known as Loving Domestic Discipline, often just called LDD or DD. It borrows some terms and methods from BDSM, but that’s about where the connection ends. There are limitless variations and some refer to it as being "Taken in Hand" or TIH. Often associated with the Queen’s English way of referring to these actions, such as "Her husband’s reacted to the incident when he promptly took matters in hand". Many believe that there are both subtle and strong difference between LDD and TIH, but I won’t have that discussion here.

There are also many faith based participants who may refer to themselves as practicing Christian Domestic Discipline. Why not pick up the bible and check out Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 21 onward. Some call it a Traditional Marriage, that’s right just like Ricky taking Lucy over his knee for being irresponsible or John Wayne giving Maureen O’Hara a well deserved attitude adjustment.

What is it not?
As you read the hundreds of works available on the Internet you will likely find hundreds of opinions on this. Whatever it’s worth, this really is not a licensed subsidiary of BDSM. You may or may not have had experience with BDSM, it really is a very large, broad label that covers what seams to be a limitless number of activities.

For many, BDSM often involves pleasure gained by giving discipline or being disciplined, binding or being bound, enjoying the heightened pleasure brought on by the flow of endorphins usually in response to pain. Arousal from getting or giving power, authority or pain, it doesn’t need a reason other than exploring the mutual desires of the participants.Often BDSM is role play or exploring fantasies that work toward the goal of satisfying a fetish or even just heightened sexual pleasure.

The goal of Loving DD is not the pursuit of the next orgasm, the goal and attainable result of LDD is a stronger relationship between you and your partner. Many couples after discipline do actually find themselves moving to the bedroom but the heightened sexual desire that your mate will likely display is the result of the stronger sense of security and from receiving you after-care.

Properly delivered, after an effective spanking she will be crying profusely but craving your embrace.
The craving for a sense of security from your leadership and approval drives her need. As a man your natural instinct is to spread your seed, as a woman her basic instinct compels her to a man who she believes to be strong enough to protect both her and her family.

That doesn’t mean that you and your partner can’t weave in certain aspects of BDSM into TTWD (This Thing We Do). That is of course completely up to each couple just how, when, where and the why incidents or actions require attention. Many couple who practice DD insist that there be no aspect of sexual play before or after Punishment or Discipline spankings. Every couple is different and your mileage may vary, you need to discuss these items and what expectations you each may have in detail.

Spanko
Could it be that the reason my woman wants to be spanked is that she just gets some kinky pleasure from being spanked? Well in all honesty, maybe.

Some women and some men do derive sexual excitement at the thought of being spanked. But if that’s all she wanted, that’s all she would have asked for.

This certainly didn't happen overnight. She may very well have been harboring fantasies of being taken and being spanked by a strong man for decades. Or, this may have been a recent discovery from something she may have read on the Internet, but still not an overnight impulsive awakening. She has probably lied awake at night for hours trying to imagine how she could even begin a conversation with you about this subject. There are many stigmas that are attached to spanking, consider forgetting them all and remember this woman loves you and wants your relationship to not only survive but grow ever stronger.

Surveys have suggested that possibly as much as 40% of adults in the United States practice some sort of consensual spanking activity in the privacy of their homes. There are many variations from light butt slaps during sex play to what could be described as nothing less than the infliction of intense pain.

No matter what, she probably will be sexually aroused by the thought of you spanking her. Many women who actively practice a DD lifestyle with their mate report that the thought of their significant other taking action is what excites them, not the pain.

The bottom line so to speak, she has opened her heart to you. This likely is her deepest most precious secret and the only reason she has revealed this all to you is because she has an intense love for you and wants to open those secrets to you. She wants to trust you knowing that no matter what you won't laugh, you will listen.

Rules and Contracts
Some couples write out formal contracts that are always subject to revision, others establish a list of boundaries or simple rules and consequences. You must jointly decide how you establish rules and consequences, it’s her responsibility to obey them and it’s your responsibility to enforce the consequences with consistency and fairness.

How to Spank OTK (Over the Knee) 
Schedule some private time where you can practice and exchange feelings and thoughts. Discuss basic rules and how they need to be enforced. Plan for that private time to include an actual practice spanking, take your time and discuss all reactions.She probably knows exactly how it has to happen, and could very well be hiding implements that she's been collecting that she imagines you will possibly spank her with.

However, the most effective implement that you need to learn how to use first, is your bare hand. If you start off tyring to smack her ass with your bare hand as hard as you can... Your hand will only last about five or six smacks before it's more sore than her ass.

Find a nice chair or edge of the bed and have a comfortable seat if you're going to make her seat uncomfortable. Lead her over your lap and rub your target, telling her you love her and that's why she's going to be spanked.

Start off slow and light, build a rhythm and use a loose floppy wrist and fingers. Before too long her ass will start to burn warm from the sting. She'll likely try to reach back to protect her poor vulnerable ass as the spanking begins to become effective; Don't let her, one of you will end up with broken fingers that way. Hold her wrist into the shallow of her back which will likely force her ass up for better target access.

Progress in stages with breaks to rest your hand. Your comfort is paramount if the spanking is going to last long enough to be effective. Her comfort isn't quite as important, but she can't be so uncomfortable as to be distracted. The spanking needs to be the only thing that should be on her mind besides the actions that got her in this position.

For the second inning lift her dress or pull down her pants leaving only her thin panties for protection. Then, perhaps for the third inning, pull down her panties far enough to frame your target and give you an unfettered view of your handiwork.

Sooner or later her legs will begin to kick rather furiously, swing your free leg over both of hers to insure she stays put for all the action you have planned.

Remember, you are not spanking her ass, you are spanking her brain. Her ass is nothing more than a very effective conduit to the brain... Scold.

Scold effectively and not in a condescending fashion; Scold honestly without embellishment so keep it real and not contrived otherwise it's just role play and she didn't ask for that.

Pay attention now, this is important, consider this a sport and that you need to practice. Assume that you will not start until you know all the plays and all the rules.Some important rules you two need to discuss:

• Never spank her while you are angry... Think corner time, or tomorrow.
• Never, ever let alcohol cloud your senses (or other diversions) when there will be a punishment spanking
• Never spank with an implement you're not familiar with
• Never spank without being completely aware of her reactions... Lights on!
• Never spank when you are not capable of forgiveness.
• Never spank without her knowing why
• Never spank without her full consent, use a "Safe Word" or at least a "Health Word"
• Never spank without knowing she agrees it's deserved and you're right to do so.
• Never spank above the hip.

Keep in mind that most women (and men) who want Domestic Discipline in their relationship have a paradox in their brains with two basic concerns:

• Her first major concern is that you won't be willing or able to spank her long enough and hard enough enough to bring her to tears and give her a life changing cathartic experience.
• Her second major concern is that you will be willing and able to spank her long enough and hard enough enough to bring her to tears and give her a life changing cathartic experience

So, keep in mind she may be both craving and afraid of a spanking that will leave her bottom sore and tender for hours and possibly even sore for days. You can't start off that way though. If that's what she's craving you need to work toward those possibly more severe spankings gradually. She, and you may want her bottom to be intensely sore, but you must never hurt her. She wants this and it scares her, she doesn't want to experience this from you, she wants to experience this with you.

There might be times she refuses to be spanked, that's ok, it's her right to revoke your spanking permit. If this should happen she will have to decide if DD is what she really wanted all along and if so, under what context and rules. There's nothing wrong with taking s break.

Why spanking?
There may very well be times that you don’t even have to spank your partner if that’s what’s right for you and your partner at the time.

Many couples integrate other forms of punishment into their LDD relationship. Restriction of privileges or writing lines are other popular punishments, they won’t bring the instant rush of tears that a good spanking will. They will however remind her of your authority, the authority that she freely and willingly gives you. Remember that behavior is not in the butt, the butt is simply a very effective conduit to the brain. The required submission, humiliation and sting of a spanking are all pointed at the brain.

Fairness and Consistency
Trust and Communication are absolutely paramount as you move together to this lifestyle.

This isn’t a one way street, it happens with her consent. That’s right, she’s giving you permission to control her behavior, and she has the right to revoke it at any time. That’s not likely to happen unless you fail to do your job properly and that’s with fairness and consistency.

As you begin to research this topic you will notice that many women who are in DD relationships have one basic need from their HOH (Head of Household, that’s you sport) and it’s consistency,

I can not stress that enough. You just can not spank her bottom one time and the next time the same thing happens say "we’ll just let it go this time". You may be thinking that you want to let it go because you’re just too tired to do anything about it right now. You can not ever do that, because she’ll be thinking you just don’t care enough to do anything about it or put enough effort into protecting your relationship
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Gotta Listen.
Keep the talk going all the time, don’t try to provide solutions during conversation, probe and when she says something ask her what that means to her. Men when presented with a point by a woman immediately try to think of a solution. Guess what guy, she doesn’t want you to solve all her dilemmas, but she does want you to hear them and understand them from her perspective. You’ll certainly need to learn to tell the difference, the answer won’t always be trip over your knee, often the answer is simple empathic listening.

So who holds you responsible?
You do, you will have to live your life to a higher standard.

Put the Donald Duck jamies out with the next yard sale and grow up. It’s time to let go of ol’ Teddy, it’s time to be a man there big guy. What if you make a mistake? Don’t make it again. You are allowed to make mistakes if you can learn from them. That’s the whole point, we are all human, the difference is that as a man you need to make sure that you always learn from your mistakes. As a woman your partner needs to know that she too has to learn from her mistakes and needs to know that if she doesn’t learn, you will not hesitate to hold her accountable.

Doesn’t seem fair does it?
Well for a very few couples it’s not.

The man just might find himself over his ladies knee someday too. Stop grinning, if you are one of those couples you just might find yourself unable to walk or sit comfortably for a day or two… or more.

Bouncing around on the Internet you are likely to find a thing called "The Spencer Plan", not sure if it’s real or fake, but there are actually couples that follow some form of household similar to it. Allegedly composed by a woman doctor in the early half of the 20th century the Spencer Plan states that a wife must always be spanked bare hand while a husband must always be whipped with a leather strap or paddle. This justice is administered for infractions determined by their contracts to one another.

So you’re not worried are you big guy?
The petite little woman will never be able to swing one of those big fraternity paddles. Don’t bet on it! Those things aren’t really all that heavy and just because she never played baseball, doesn’t mean that old battle-axe gym teacher she had, Ms. Ironbuns, didn’t teach her how to swing a bat for softball. Also those men who have been on the receiving end in such relationships can attest to the astonishing power hidden in that little hairbrush on her dressing table.

Oh, and be sure to watch your mouth in the kitchen if you see her reaching for a spatula or wooden spoon too.

Do you remember those old fashioned cartoons you watched on TV as a kid? Remember the wife swinging the rolling pin over her head as she chased her poor husband down the street? Well, the ol’ girl wasn’t stupid. She had no intention of giving the bread winner a life threatening concussion, she wanted a life altering experience for her man. She had a softer target in mind about three feet lower, and he knew it, which is why he ran like a bat from Hades.

What has the concept of LDD done for me?
It has taught me what was missing from my marriage, and why it failed. It has taught me that the emotions that so fill a woman’s soul, the things that define her femininity are the hardest things that she deals with, and sometimes she just needs a release. She needs her man, to be a man.