Walls of Resistance

One of the most difficult hurdles that an HOH can face is the fact that at times the spankee is resistant, or defiant prior to or during the spanking. No, not physically resistant, but the attitude just fights acceptance. The spankee knows that a spanking is needed and the spanking is actually wanted but there is just a combative mood that can keep the spanking from being effective if it isn’t addressed properly. The spanking is viewed as being inevitable and it is realized as being needed. Let’s call it a wall and unless that wall is broken down or at the very least, has a few cracks created the full benefits of the spanking won’t be realized. Perhaps it’s impatience with the whole procedure, “Just get it over with…” or it’s just one of those days and one of those moods. The spankee doesn’t like this aspect of her personality and she really is hoping that her HOH can bring her back to the person that she wants to be. The desire is there to be on the other side of the spanking cherishing the aftercare, but somehow that seems distant and unobtainable. If the disciplinarian can recognize this wall, this attitude of mental resistance there is a chance that it can be eliminated with careful scolding.

Life has a way of complicating even the most thought out actions and the fact that we are now such a mobile and sometimes distant society adds another dimension. We communicate and plan, often by phone or IM and the plane fact is that often without face to face interaction it’s difficult to really understand the emotional impacts of our words and actions. The result being that often the spanking may have been over planned well in advance. The spanking may have been scheduled or it may have been talked over far too many times or already at too much length. There may very well have been scolding, hours or even days before the spanking has a chance to become reality. The value of anticipation can be lost and that wall who’s downfall is sought may have already been cracked but has already begun to mend. Consequently the value that scolding can add to the process isn’t as strong or as attention getting as it might have been when the need for the spanking was first realized.

Ultimately there may be a point where the full acceptance of the spanking just isn’t going to happen. Continued spanking will only cause physical results and the message that both parties want to become reality just won’t arrive. It might be necessary for the disciplinarian to turn the purpose of the spanking. “I’m just not getting through to you am I? I hope I’m wrong but we may just have to visit this subject again and if we do, it will be much worse.” Give forgiveness and full attention to aftercare, talk it over and realize that sometimes the most important result that may come from the discipline is the reinforcement that the HOH won’t hesitate to do whatever is needed. In this respect what may have originally been intended as punishment may in fact be more maintenance than discipline. There should of course be communication. Talking it over later may reveal that there might have been some aspect of the scolding that may have encouraged anger instead of remorse. In any event it’s not something that should be viewed as regretful, but embraced more for it’s value as it can teach both HOH and partner how to work together.

The HOH must learn lessons too. Sometimes the basic lesson is nothing more than being able to understand that there can be too much build up. Perhaps too much time between the points where it was realized that a spanking was called for and when it finally comes to fruition. Understanding that it’s always better if the peak of emotion can be matched with the act of submission. Remorse for having disappointed the HOH can be much more meaningful and intense, not just breaking the wall but removing it’s foundation.