How My Kinky History Led to My Spanking Desires

Early in the days when I began my blog about three years ago, I posted my history and how I initially became interested in adult spanking. I wasn’t comfortable leaving all of the ‘dirty detail’ information on the blog at the time. I believed that my ‘kinky’ background might have been too much of a distraction from what was becoming my all-encompassing interest in domestic discipline. I didn’t want it distracting from my sincere desire to pursue a DD lifestyle and to promote the benefits. Basically, I didn’t want anyone thinking that just because I’m a kinky bastard I thought up some plan to legitimize my beliefs.

Backpedal a few decades and my journey into the world of kink and fetish was probably seeded in my experience growing up in the 50s and 60s. Not unlike many of those times, as a child I would often find myself face being held to the cold black and yellow bathroom tile floor with my ass propped high in the air. Natually, while my ass was being filled with warm soapy water. Squirming and fighting just got me the extra discomfort and humiliation as my bare ass was spanked for squirming.

No, it was not and should not be considered abuse. That doesn’t mean that I condone young boys being given enemas and spanked on the bare ass by their MILF mothers today, times have changed.

However during the 50s and 60s it was very common for mothers to give their little boys (or girls) an enema for many reasons. Everything from tummy-ache to being moody qualified for, if not required a physic. “Oh, Myrtle… If that’s the way he’s acting you better give him an enema. Everyone does need one now and again so it certainly can’t hurt”.

One thing for sure in those days, whenever you claimed in the morning that you were too sick to go to school you could count on getting a good inner ass cleaning with lots of warm water and ivory soap. The other possible outcome was a visit from the doctor and then you would likely get a nice sore bump in the buttocks from the doctors oversized penicillin injection. Doctors weren’t afraid of overusing antibiotics in those days you know. Worse case which was more likely, you would get a warm soapy enema and then the doctor would come to the house (they did that in those days) and still give you a painful injection in your poor overworked butt. It’s just the way things were done in those days.

Of course then I had to play and experiment on my own in those days, and actually often did. Yes, I’ll admit it; Mr. Happy and his needs became a big part of the action. You see men have a prostate and often any form of anal stimulation gives a little boost to… well you know.

Well I think I’ve explained it to a degree, the inner desire of being dominated and forced to take an enema by a woman was always in the back of my mind. Whenever I felt comfortable enough to mention it with a potential partner, the usual response was that the idea was at least distasteful if not "Oh, that's disgusting". Besindes, it's not something that's easy to bring up, it’s just not one of those things that you can use to start a conversation. In fact he topic usually ended conversation not being the sort of thing you should mention to people you meet in a convenience store or at the typical church social. Hence my reluctance to be open about it and also why I pulled the information from my blog.

Fast forward a few decades from my childhood, I had spent 20 years married to a woman who at first claimed to want to experiment with things of kink to add some spice. That turned out to be nothing more than a lie. My hopes of ever being open and active with her with that part of my persona were dashed by comments like "I don't know how people could do that..." whenever I hinted at things.

Ok, so why did I crave having a woman give me enemas? Particularly I craved being told I was getting an enema if I wanted it or not. In fact especially if I didn’t want one. It just didn't make sense since I had been told by people that claim to know these things that I was an obvious Dominant. Well, it could be that I can ‘Switch’ and just might enjoy every aspect of such a potential D/s experience. After being separated, I made up my mind that I would never again settle for anyone who wasn’t willing to explore whatever mutual fantasies we had without being judgmental. The obvious conclusion was that my childhood memories had awakened my aparent need to be a submissive.

Several girlfriends later, one night I was talking on the phone with the latest potential victim of my need for sexual relief. The thing was, I was doing laundry. You see at that time I was Mr. Mom and doing laundry was just one of those chores that I had a tendency to put off. The incentive that I gave myself to do laundry was simple; I would permit myself a martini per load of wash. After several loads of wash it was not uncommon for me to wake up and wonder what happened to my clothes. Not an uncommon side effect of martini consumption I understand, but I digress.

Well, feeling loose tongued and not really giving a shit if I scared her off… I dropped the big one and told her that I had always had a kinky interest in being given enemas. I fully expected to hear a click on the other end of the phone line. Nope, she told me it was one of her favorite activities. Actually I should have known, she’s an RN and there’s no doubt about it, RNs are kinky. Let the games begin!

The RN adventure was certainly interesting, neither one of us were really sure if we were Dom, sub or Switch so we played every which way we could trying to find out with "Screw the Roses, Bring Me The Thorns". One of the other activities that we explored was spanking. That’s when I found out that I really do enjoy having a woman laying over my lap getting a good sound spanking. That was also when I found out that I don’t enjoy getting a spanking quite as much as I enjoying giving one. There’s that certain aspect about getting a spanking that always comes up just after going over a knee. When the first fews smacks land then all of a sudden the brain feels the sting, instantly you wonder why you ever thought you enjoyed being spanked.

Once I had this new adult spanking experience it became all I could think of and I wanted more. Naturally I started searching the Internet for as much spanking information as I could find. When I found ‘Fondly and Firmly” I had an epiphany. Immediately I realized that the reason my marriage had failed was because I never gave X the thing that she needed most, a good spanking.

Having discovered the world of Domestic Discipline I joined a few groups and forums and before long I was IMing with a woman who lived a few states away who had the same sort of desires. We spent hours on the phone and became pretty close and shared our thoughts on how Domestic Discipline could or should work. Just as with the RN she shared a kinky enema thing so naturally conversation became even easier for us. With her help I decided to put my DD thoughts to the Internet and created my “How to Tell Your Thick Headed Hubby” blog post. She was an accomplished blogger at the time and encouraged me. Since, she has had some very difficult times and her blog is long gone.

The primary direction for the essay was ‘for a guy, from a guy’ since it appeared from many of the DD and general spanking forum posts that I read, women found it difficult to vocalize to their boyfriends or husbands just what it was that they wanted.

My blog post began to get some attention and it wasn’t long before I received a few comments from women who said that they printed out my “Thick Headed Hubby” essay and it made it easier to convince their husbands just what they really wanted and needed.

There it is!

That's how I began blogging about Domestic Discipline. Naturally several days ago when Minx spanked me and then slipped a Fleet enema into my ass, I began thinking about all of these things again and I decided to get over it, and re-post my background for my readers to know.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

Being the typical non-typical DD couple things can get interesting around here sometimes. Of course we have the same problem that a lot of couples have, an almost perpetual lack of privacy. We might have changed that slightly, time will tell…

Today was the first day of a new schedule where I think I’ve managed to get things coordinated so that we actually have at least an hour and perhaps as much as two hours or privacy per day.

Well, we did have some privacy over the weekend and it did give me the chance to give Minx a pretty good spanking. She has needed a spanking for a while. Not so much for anything other than stress relief and just to reinforcing discipline a bit, she has been very good.

Minx also had the chance to try to spank me, but that didn’t go too well being the wimp that I am. I chickened out part way into it and got away from her which of course pissed her off a bit. It’s not easy for Minx to spank me; it’s just not her thing. Minx is much more comfortable being the spankee but she does try to cater to my cravings on occasion and if the need should happen to arrive, she has no problem at all giving me a punishment spanking. However, when I need a stress relief spanking, it’s not at all easy for her. There’s that role reversal thing, but also I’m much harder to hold in position when I start squirming and kicking as happened over the weekend.

Well, today our private time came to fruition and I had every intention to rebuild Minx’s leather butt. Since it’s been a while since she’s had regular spankings the spanking she got over the weekend was difficult for her re-virigned bottom. Being the caring HOH that I am, I planned on putting some regularity back into her spankings so it would be easier for her to take a good long spanking. You spankos out there know what I mean, if it’s been a while, it takes a while before you build up ‘leather butt’ tolerance again. Well, that was not to be.

I walked into the house and asked her if she was ready to get her leather butt rebuilt… however she said, “No, it’s your turn”.

Well, I hadn’t been too cooperative when she tried to spank me over the weekend so I suppose I knew it was coming so of course I complied. Minx told me to go pick out some implements…. Don’t you hate that?

I opened the toy drawer and looked, I knew that I would not be able to get away with a wimpy selection so I didn't try. I picked out the wicked hairbrush paddle, the sawed off bamboo bath brush, the Reb's OTK paddle with holes and the The London Tanners Domestic Discipline Strap. Minx approved, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice but to pick the ones that I hate since I hadn’t been cooperative for the last spanking.

Minx gave the quick simple order… “Drop ‘em”. I did.

There’s something that’s both intimidating and exciting about standing there with your pants at your ankle while your lady is picking up a paddle. Naturally, Mr. Happy was doing his best to embarrass me standing at full attention which of course Minx made some comments along the lines of ‘looks like he wants a spanking too’ and made some light contact.

When I first climbed over her knee, Mr. Happy was making things a little uncomfortable before he was properly positioned. Minx started with her bare hand, which felt, very comfortable and relaxing. Of course her bare hand didn’t last long enough, the sting had been light and actually somewhat comforting. Mr, Happy didn't stay around to find out though.

When I’m on the receiving end once the spanking starts I usually can’t tell what I’m being spanked with unless she tells me. She did a very good job of keeping me just slightly beyond the edge of what I can tolerate. You know, any lighter and you can take it, but just hard enough to keep you from ignoring it while you squirm and stress and have to work at staying in place. Then of course it had to happen, time to pay for not cooperating for the last spanking. Those hard heavy spanks that make you dig your fingernails into your palms and stress to stay in place.

I believe that the next round was from the Rebs OTK paddle and she kept me right on the edge with it. Then a few rounds with the DD strap and and paddles again. It was really getting hard to stay in place but I didn't want any more hard heavy full swing ones.

In between rounds of implements Minx rubs and comforts for a few seconds (always too few) which of course is wonderful. Then after a particularly hard to take round with what I think was the Bamboo Bath Brush she was rubbing my bottom and next I felt her spread my cheeks. I felt something slide into my ass and I realized what she was doing, Minx was giving me a Fleet enema.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

She said it with a little bit of a happy accomplished tone. That wasn’t the end of it of course, but it was the end of the unbearable pain from that point on as I had another thing to keep my mind occupied. The combination of the spanking that so far I had endured along with that bit of anal stimulation and caress just made the sting disapear and all of me was enjoying the continued contact.

Minx continued to spank and she spanked hard but from that point on ,I just wanted more. She asked me a couple of times if I had to go yet, I could have but I didn't want to, I wanted to feel more and put off going to expell as long as I could.

Odd isn't it.

Now, I’m probably more relaxed than I’ve been in a while, maybe tomorrow will be her turn.

What a Weekend

Minx and I have known each other for about 3 years and have been together for more than a year now, in fact over 1 1/2 years if you count those things with vigor. For anyone who doesn't know... we've been more than just an item. Minx and I have been through some tough times together, tough times certainly test the temper of a relationship and ours has remained steadfast and perhaps only stronger.

Somehow, we still are in love.

No, not just the I'm a spanko and I found a like minded spanko so we'll give it a go kind of love... But, real love. Don't ask me why but on many levels it just plain looks like we were made for one another. It's just plain a good fit. Well, if you don't know it's a bit of an age mismatch, I'm a few years older than Minx. Well, maybe a bit more than a few... let's just say that since boys tend to mature slower than girls do, we found the intersection on that particular graph and we'll leave it at that.

This past weekend we found it necessary to make a several hundred mile jaunt to see relatives. There had been a death in the family and it's one of those times when relatives can't be avoided. Now for the uninitiated, let me tell you relatives can be the true litmus test of a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I do not only appreciate Minx's relatives, I think I actually love them as much as that is possible. In fact it's not that they don't really seem to care that Moi... This dirty old man who spanks their daughter's ass red raw has entered their sweet little girl's life but they actually appear (at times) to be grateful. Sure, I've tainted her and soiled her otherwise pure heart and taken her to the far reaches of sexual extremes... Well, actually maybe she's done that to me. Yet, they still tolerate my being. Well, at least none of them attempted to murder me in my sleep, yet.

I'm a dog guy, always have been... always will be. I dunno, there's just something about dogs. We just connect, I understand dogs... their baser wants and needs. They at times only care about the man that will vigorously rub their breast bones (the same sensation they feel when they are humping) and rub behind their ears. It's kind of dog equivalent of being a man who can find a woman's 'g' spot. Well, in any event... usually after five minutes any dog I encounter becomes my life long friend... Except Minx's dog but that's only because he thinks he's a cat.

Couple of years ago I dated a lady who had a health guide dog. Whenever she was close to going into a pain seizure the dog would sense it and move or position her to a spot where she could be safe until the seizure was over. The dog was a VERY large German Shepherd and was VERY capable of protecting her... Well, not all the time. After first meeting them for a few minutes and saying hello to 'protection dog' I proceeded to spank her bottom raw and 'protection dog' didn't really seem to give a shit except for the fact that while I was spanking her, I wasn't paying attention to him. But I digress.

Being a dog guy somehow equates to being an 'a-oh-kay' guy as far as Minx's mother is concerned and that is the point that I've been trying to get at through this whole typing session.

When the weekend began we were outside and a (nosey) neighbor came by... I was introduced by Minx's mom as Minx's boyfriend. Before the weekend was halfway over my status changed, I became her 'son-in-law'. I liked it very much. By default Minx's mom declared me as being Minx's husband and that's a good thing. I'm sure it's only because I was well liked by the three dogs that were running around. Yeah, they're dog people.

(ex) Virgin Bottom and Birthday Boy

Things have been getting really tough lately and there hasn't been a lot of spanking around here and now is probably when we need it most. One of the few times that we've had some privacy, I was sick. Minx hasn't even been doing much reading of blogs let alone writing them and our stress levels have been hitting the roof.

I've been laid off for about four months now and unemployment compensation just doesn't cut it. We did have hopes of attending the fall SCONY get together since it's very close drive to us, however that certainly won't be happening. Neither Minx nor I have every been to a group gathering before and we were really looking forward to it. Imagine not having to be concerned with privacy!

Making matters worse Minx lost here job and lets just say that we are eating a lot more rice and ramen noodles. We haven't been able to pay the rent and apparently the landlord does not have enough of a sense of humor. Now we will be spending our last dollars to go see some relatives, short story... there has been a death in the family.

Finally the other night we did manage to get a spanking in, Minx was complaining that her buns of steel have atrophied and her bottom was virtually virgin. Not any more it's not, I gave some serious attention to her bottom that she still felt the next day.

Hopefully we can get some more spanking in. We've found that spanking for stress relief really does work, at least for a little while. Doesn't make the stress go away but it makes you forget about it for a while at least.

So, hopefully there will be some more spanking in our near future. Probably me soon too, just had a birthday (yeah, I'm a Leo) and there has been the threat of a birthday spanking for me that has yet to come to fruition.

I never heard of a birthday spanking until I got into TTWD. I dunno, guess all the people I hung around with either didn't ever do it or kept it to themselves. Now some questions, maybe someone knows...

Just what is appropriate for a birthday spanking?
Shouldn't it be a spank for every year?
Shouldn't it be sort of a ceremonious light smack sort of thing over clothes?

I would have thought that a quick light spank for every year but apparently I'm wrong. Minx who claims to know these things says that I'll have to be harshly bare bottom paddled, a solid minute for every year.

Gulp!

Well, in my case that's too damn close to an hour!

Shut Up and Spank

I was just reading a post at Finding Sara about the issue of Consensual Non-consent. It’s one of those things that apparently many of us who practice a form of DD have decided on. Basically, the short version for us, is Minx has consented to be spanked whenever and however I feel she deserves it, and she can not refuse the spanking. With where we are now it’s a two way street. I too will accept a spanking from Minx if she feels I need it and here is the tricky part, there is no safe word. Sara did a very good job of describing the circumstances so I won’t rehash it in detail but there have been times when we’ve had to put DD on hold while we decided if this is really what we wanted. Just yesterday it looked like one of those times was upon us.

It wasn't during a punishment spanking since Minx has been very good lately. It was just your every day run of the mill kind of a combination stress relief and reinforce discipline spanking. The spanking wasn't very hard but it was rather long as that sometimes helps Minx get to a release, maybe a little bit of DD’ish subspace. I was sitting in a folding chair and Minx's was OTK and all the way down with her butt presented perfectly... If it had been punishment with faster and harder strokes the position would have certainly have left an "impression"... but it wasn't. Suddenly she yelled out "Stop torturing me!"

It's been awhile, so my first reaction was that we must be at one of those consent quandaries. Well of course I stopped right away, stood her up and we talked... It seems what was bothering her wasn't the paddle, but my questions! She wanted me to just shut the hell up and spank.

First time THAT has happened

Memorable Spanking

One thing that has become too obvious lately is that I've not been able to spank Minx the way she needs to be spanked. There are lots of reasons but the most common reason is the lack of privacy and with work schedules how seldom we see one another.



However, what has happened over recent months is her spanking sessions have gotten harsh with more intense implements, but too quick.

In retrospect it's obvious that I've been having a hard time spanking Minx effectively. Somehow I love her more every day and that makes it harder to truly spank painfully for an extended period. The point being, that is exactly opposite of what she needs.



She hasn't been getting corner time intermissions just OTK or pillows till done. She hasn't been getting the A.A.A.C. (Avoid At All Costs) Spanking when she deserves it. Well, that changed, she told me and she got the good spanking she needed. There was corner time and prolonged sessions with some of our more "memory making" implements and she was sore for several days.


I truely have to work on knowing that she needs more.

Reminder spanking would have been good this weekend but it just wasn't in the cards.

Had to Happen

Minx, the love of my life has not been feeling well for too long now. Well, part of it has been that she has been a bit under the weather, and part of it has been that she has known that she has earned a serious discipline session. One that even if she could get out of, never would consider doing.

It all started a week ago when there was the need for what should have been a quick simple spanking. Well, attitudes and timing were all wrong, the spanking did not go well and of course much of it was my fault as I do believe that it is the HOH's responsibility to make sure that the punishment is appropriate, timely and certain. However, her response to the needed spanking was somewhat disrespectful to say the least and we all know that has to be intollerable.

There were certain aspects of the spanking that Minx earned last week that were less than certain... However...She questioned the discipline... that can't happen. She resisted the discipline... again, that can't happen. However more seriously, she failed to properly submit and some of the things that happened actually would of, or could have... endangerd our relationship if one or both of us were less resiliant than we are.

The end result was that Minx just received what was perhaps the most severe, the most painful and the most long lasting spanking that she's ever had. It hurt me terribly to spank her so severly. I never want to have to giver her such a severe spanking again but I will NEVER hesitate to do so when it is the proper thing to do.

Mea Culpa

Kinda weird, yeah...

Well, Minx and I can't really always talk since there is the shift thing... So, dear reader... You are privy to see some first person communication between Minx and I !

We haven’t ironed out all of the specifics it will take quite some time I’m sure, but we do have a unique DD relationship since I happen to be a switch.

Sexuality can and does play into such relationships where it isn’t just one partner who could find themselves with a tender bottom. Yes, spanking in spite of the painful discipline aspect can be, and most certainly is an erotic experience. Giving control to someone you love is just one of those things… or having control taken by the one you love… same thing.

So, that means that Minx on many more than one occasion has managed to spank my bottom tender. No, she doesn’t have it down perfect yet, but she has gotten much, much more effective each time she has spanked me. If I have to crawl over her lap I do know for a fact that by the time it is over I will have a very hot sore bottom. In fact it’s gotten to the point where yes, sexually it is exciting to think that she can (and will) do it, but on the other hand it’s far some something that I would actually look forward too. Of course, she has had some of her best tutoring at me knee. She has learned how to spank very hard, very long and very effectively and we don’t really know what it is, perhaps a little bit of switch in her persona. Or, just the idea of being the wonderful submissive that she is, she is somehow getting into the roll and liking it as if I’m topping from the bottom. Butt, she is liking the idea of turning my bottom red and purple, perhaps a little too much.

Things have been a bit difficult for Minx and I for the past few weeks. I was sick, she had a business trip, privacy has been at a premium and this past week one of my sons broke a bone and needed surgery. So, it’s been hard to pay attention to one another and hard to have any time at all to ourselves.

Additionaly, it's not always easy for her to see how much she lights up my life when she walks in the room. You see, I've found my perfect love. How do I identify Minx as my perfect love? Two words, actually a name... Ronald Reagan. Yeah, I'm a Red State kind of guy and Ronny can in many ways be my hero. However it's the love of Nancy Reagan that I wish to speak about. Ronald Reagan was in the White House and his aide was at his side. Nancy came in to see him and they talked and kissed and she then left the room. Ronny watched her leave and then turned to his aide and said " She is the only person in the world who can make me feel lonely, just by leaving the room.". He was in love, really in love with Nancy. I always hoped I could find a woman like that. Praise te Lord and pass the amunition... that lady is Minx.

Well sorry to say, Minx it turns out has been pissed at me and getting more pissed by the day and the hour. Yeah, I’m a guy so at times I do bark a bit in spite of my best efforts to be patient and remain in control of my mood. Well, poor Minx, she hasn’t been taking it well. The result has been that she hasn’t felt that she could talk to me and she has thought that anytime I’m not happy and smiling it must be because I’m upset with her. Well that’s certainly not true. Still, I felt quite a bit guilty about it and of all things, she decided that I needed my bottom heated because of it. Ok, well… Yes Mam. I of course fell into super apologetic mode and became perfectly willing to jump over to my submissive side, because I must have caused this problem for this wonderful woman that I love so much.

Well, back to the scenario of not having the perfect time and privacy for each other. So, I told her that I would do something about it and make sure she could take care of things. We need more quiet implements. My once almost scary rattan cane broke to about a 20" stubby, perhaps a bit of a OTK cane but certainly not scary quiet welt maker. "Minx, we need some quiet devices. I’m going to make a Loopy Johnny so you can tear my poor guilty butt apart and turn it into red and purple Jell-O and me into a quivering mass of guilty remorse". Well I did say something like that, although perhaps I didn’t use those exact words but she got the idea and so do you.

So, I did it. I made a rather formidable loopy and quite frankly I have absolutely no desire to feel it’s bite on my poor bottom. I tried it on my thigh and it has no allure for my somewhat nervous ass. The handle has to be about 12 or 14" long and for the business end, I put the leftover from a bungee cord that unwillingly gave it’s life for this device. I did make sure that it would stay put, I taped the bungee to the end of the handle (which I notched for the cord) and then poured a bunch of super glue into the attachment to make sure that no matter how hard the little bugger ripped my quivering butt it could still survive and rip more butt. Oh, and then I found the remnants of an old fishing rod in the cellar and placed the two together on top of the dresser for her to use as best she saw fit. That effin fishing rod BTW is one wicked welt maker… We’re talking no sit for a week kind of thing.

So, all sorts of wicked tools are available at Minx’s hand for her to use on my poor doomed butt. What happened? Nothing. Yeah, and now I’ve decided that things have to go the other way… Minx is the one who needs to be spanked.

Here’s the thing. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too short with her. Maybe I was just too insensitive for her needs. Well, I went almost an entire day of doing the Mea Culpa thing… Then, well… If and when you are wrong and you are willing to accept responsibility and consequences for any possible wrongdoing…. That’s wonderful. However, your Mea Culpa needs to be accepted and eventually you need to be forgiven.

That did not happen.

Imagine me, trying to be submissive (as best I can) an almost sometimes Dom that I am, and asking for forgiveness… and not getting it. Uh, hello… how do you spell mistake and where was it made?

Ok, that went on for a while… times up.

Well Miss Minx…

You had the chance to forgive me as I would do in a heart beat for you… Butt, since you did not… Now, I think maybe, you were playing it for whatever it was worth. I think that maybe you were wondering concisely or not just what this role thing might do for you and I think that to a degree you were playing it for what it was worth and wondering. Nope, PMS is not an excuse. We needed to rest our heads on the pillow with things resolved, and that didn’t happen. Now, I’ve jumped back and I’m in HOH mode.

I’m just a little upset little lady.

Real or imagined, whatever has kept you from feeling open to me and not able to talk to me has done some damage and I will NOT let our relationship be damaged. Our relationship won’t be damaged by me and not by you… and certainly not by some sort of wall that I’m more than capable of, and willing to make endless efforts to tear down.

You, young lady will be getting a toasty warm bottom, you will not now or ever take advantage of my willingness to accept that maybe I did something wrong, then play it against us. Ok, maybe you did not, maybe you did but didn’t know it would have these consequences so maybe the sound spanking that you will be getting isn’t really fair in your mind. Well, it can’t always be fair and you do know that. However one way or another I will put an end to it, when it is done everyone and everything will be forgiven, period.

For one reason more than any other,

I love you sweetie...

Well, yeah back to the concept that you readers will know this as soon or sooner than Minx sees it. Yeah, who knows how she will read this. Butt, by the times she reads this the alarm will have gone off, she will have had a cup of coffee... So, before she leaves for work she will either come back into the bedroom and throw her cup of coffee on me, or... give me a hug and tell me she loves me too.

I'm betting on the latter.

Oh, BTW little lady, submission and maintenance spankings are back on as soon as, and whenever I see fit that they are needed, period.

Oh, Considering the season....
Mary Kate Danerher...
Do you go for it?

Choosing Your Words

Lately it seems that anything and everything that could go wrong...is going wrong.

I have been arguing with my sister for a while now and yesterday being frustrated, I just wanted to give up, throw the towel in and just walk away.

Well….of course I verbalized “giving up” and got that the watch moved to the wrong wrist.

Sometimes it just seems easier to just give up but I know that I can’t. I know that in the end I will win, I will achieve what I have set out to do.

Today I was reminded that I can’t give up. Now I am sitting here typing this post with a very tender bottom.

I have a small problem with sass and it seems that most of my sass comes flowing freely when I am getting spanked.

Why that is I will never know!

You would think when you are OTK and being paddled that your words would be chosen very carefully. I was told that “I hope that I never have to spank you like this again.”

My reply….mind you that this was said in a sarcastic tone.

“Then stop spanking me!”

Honestly that was the wrong thing to say at the wrong time!

Yep, I still feel those four words.

The spanking I received today was one of the hardest ones I have gotten. That nasty wooden paddle with holes in it, OUCH! I was also spanked with that hairbrush paddle that seems to be a favorite...not mine of course.

But once again trouble has found me. Now you would think that having a very tender bottom you would make sure that you follow your rules and guidelines.

I am sure that once again I will find myself OTK sooner then I wanted.

Like maybe tonight again!

But...not me! That would be too easy...

I guesss I need to go confess now cause it is sure obvious!

It Can’t be Only Physical Pain

It’s not uncommon for many people these days to establish an online relationship where one or both parties crave the experience of spanking. What can and does happen is both parties become anxious for a date and both arrive not just wanting, but more aptly craving things to progress quickly. Things can and do progress quickly. Inhibitions were probably already removed from the matchmaking equation days or weeks before with long online chats and phone calls. Naturally as can be expected, the basic desires overrule any common sense and the couple rushes to privacy where the fantasies can be fulfilled in the hastiest fashion.

While lying across this man’s knee she begins to realize that this is finally going to happen. This man is going to be taking control and he has every intention of seeing that she is properly spanked for the things that she wants to be held accountable for. This man knows that this woman craves to feel her bottom sting and burn and he will see to it that she gets exactly what she wants.

As the volley of spanks progress she begins to wonder why the hell she ever thought that this was what she wanted. Before long her bottom is stinging worse and worse from the relentless smacks and she just can’t take much more. She keeps waiting for that magic moment to arrive, the pain is unbearable and is rapidly getting intolerable. Everyone on all of the discussion boards always talk about how wonderful it is to be in this position being taken over knee and getting a sound spanking and she can’t imagine why she isn’t feeling the wonderful things that she heard of and dreamed about. What’s wrong, why isn’t it wonderful for her?

Another Experience
This time it’s different, she knows that she has disappointed this man and she can’t imagine why or how she could have been so foolish as to do the things that she has done. This man, who she has come to realize, cares so much about her. He often seems to care more about her than she cares about herself. Now, she’s done it, with her actions she hurt this wonderful man. It’s so different this time, the remorse is real. As ordered she lifts her head and looks into his eyes and sees his pain, his disappointment cuts deeply. Her eyes are welling up and a tear rolls down her cheek. She obeys and hands him the hairbrush and lays across his lap, she wants the spanking to start now, she wants it to be everything she deserves, now she craves and prays for his forgiveness.

As often as she may wish to feel the sensation of losing control, as often as she may dream of having control taken from her. As often as she may crave to feel herself in the zone of knowing that there is absolutely nothing she can do to stop the painful spanking that she knows she wants and deserves, it could be meaningless without one ingredient. That one ingredient would be knowing that she's disappointed someone besides herself. It could be the one item that will help take her to where the stinging pain of a spanking becomes a secondary, it no longer can sting too much. Where the wall falls down and emotions that have built up can come pouring out.

Five Lies Women Tell Themselves

Wow, what an epiphany.

Guys... Wake up and smell the coffee!!!.

The woman in you life may very well want to tell you things... Things that she wants to do... Special things that may fulfill her fantasies. She needs you to have an open mind....

Here's the scoop:

I've spoken with more than one lady who has found her way into the world of DD through D/s or BDSM. In fact I've spoken with, or had LONG involved IM discussions with women who:

1) She’s was sure that you would NEVER agree to spank her.

2) She’s sure that you are SO square that if you heard her fantasies you would call a lawyer to find out how you could have her committed

3) She’s convinced that you'll never understand that SHE HAS FANTASIES TOO !!!! (because she doesn't know you have them).

4) She thinks that you would never let her try to find your 'G' spot. (Yes, you have one too)

5) That all you want is a quick lay or a nice BJ... and a cold beer... Well, you do!!! But more is nice too... but they she doesn’t know that.


These poor women just don't understand that we guys do have more than a passing interest in sex. The poor things think we just want to pump out a kid or two, get a nice BJ now and then and call it a day. The poor thing just doesn’t realize that we might actually be willing to climb into bed with both her and her fabulously large breasted best friend along with a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Yo...
(I'm from Philly)

For GOD sake tell her you like sex!!!

The Different Stages of a Spanking

I found a file on a Yahoo group. The file was posted by ddsamantha13, it appears to be a pretty good analysis of the different stages and thoughts that go through a submissive's mind during a spanking. What I'm going to do is quote the list, and comment on each item.

1. Submission to the spanking.

Time to submit, I am either required to bare myself and wait for him to enter the room, or he walks with me down the hall, holding my hand, leading me. Sometimes I pray: Lord forgive me for X. Father I give you this rebellious spirit and ask that you replace it with your Spirit, making me a treasure before you and my husband.

Other times, I have prayed WAY before the punishment and I am now either so overcome with remorse for what I have done--or I am in full dread mode because I know I truly deserve what is about to happen to me.

When it comes time to actually assume a position or retrieve an implement, I am usually embarrassed. Especially if he requires me to make eye contact.

Sometimes the punishment is proceeded by talking --WHILE I am in position. I am asked if I know why I am being punished and I am required to give an honest answer. If it is incomplete, or incorrect, I am told exactly WHY I am in the position I am in. I am asked if I FULLY understand. Then, the time for talking is over.

The submission began long before "The walk down the hall", of course it began with her decision to trust her HOH and give him the authority to hold her accountable. This isn't play and she knows it's not play, it's real because she and her HOH want it to be that way.

2. I can handle this.

Sometimes I skip this stage... if he starts out with lots of gusto. But if I enter this stage it is usually because I am a bit pious about my abilities to contain any emotion that might give him a sense of satisfaction. At this stage I have a wall of PRIDE, that I am not going to let him see me give into this pain... (Just remember Pride goeth before the panties fall... Or just after they fall... *said grinning*). Some times, if I have a defiant attitude about the punishment, I try to turn this into a battle of wills. He is NOT going to see me hurt!

She's describing a slow build-up and warm up for this stage, the way she describes it's as if she doesn't like her "Wall of Pride" and defiance, she'll be happy when it is gone and it won't be long now.

3. Ouch--that hurts.
My mind is beginning to spin and really think. It is usually not thinking on what got me here, but that it is hurting a bit more, but I am still not giving in. No way is he going to see me squirm! I MIGHT be starting to be a bit worried at this point.

The spanking is building upon itself and she's starting to remember that this isn't going to be pleasant.

4. Ouch that REALLY hurts.
Even closer, I am probably squirming quite a bit, repeating a mantra, of STOP I got the point, okay, pleeeeze stop, but still not thinking through why I am here. Besides the squirming, if I am OTK, even though my legs are trapped under his leg, my feet are trying to run the 3 minute mile....kicking frantically. If my head is in my pillow....I am squeezing it and biting it to not cry out too loud. I'm starting
to sweat!

The HOH is doing an effective job, but the job certainly isn't done yet. She's no longer trying to hide that it hurts, she's vocally admitting the spanking, but she hasn't accepted it yet. "Ok I get it" or "I'm sorry" at this stage just means the HOH needs to keep going, there's more work to do.

5. OK---ENOUGH--STOP!!!!
PURE PANIC sets in! Is this ever going to stop? I have to get away. The struggle becomes intensified. At this point the tiger is waking. FLIGHT-- or--FIGHT seem the only options.

The submissive has really begun to realize that the spanking is not optional. She's not going to make the storm on her butt go away with words, her natural instinct is to escape the pain. The HOH needs to make sure that she can not get away or the effort so far will have been a waste.

6. Full fledged anger and pain avoidance

(may physically fight HOH and need to be restrained or firmly held down so they understand that escape is NOT an option)

I AM NOT STAYING PUT ANY LONGER! BYE! I AM DONE-- CATCH YA LATER!! LET ME GO!!! NOW!!!!!!!!! Tiger is fully awake and In attack mode. My body is REALLY fighting now and all of my strength is fighting to escape. I am MAD!!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!!!! OH GOD......PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!!!!

This is like the previous stage but now her anger and desire to escape isn't just hot, it's boiliing. This is a very dangerous time, if she were to actually escape that tiger she describes would turn the tables and surely consume the poor unsuspecting helpless HOH.

7. Acceptance of punishment
(as shown by stopping fighting And accepting the spanks--HOH should be sure and continue for just a short bit at this point)

Now I know I can't get away so I think about why I am here (briefly) but it is very necessary for that to happen. The tiger is panting and out of fight...and is now accepting of her fate. She is starting to understand. No fighting now... just a slowly building awareness that a wrong has been done... and the price will be paid.

This stage is the first sign for the HOH that there is an end in sight and the job has been done properly. She now knows that her HOH has held her accountable, not just this time but she knows he will the next time too. There has been a special memory created, spanking the bottom has gotten to the brain.

8. Repentance
(need to be forgiven and vow to not do again)

Pride is gone! Why I am here has been thought through, and he has made sure I WILL AVOID AT ALL COSTS, any similar incident. Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted.
Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! YOU, for your submission, and HIM, for his strength and leadership in your relationship. All is again right in your little corner of God's world.

This is the Holy Grail of Loving Domestic Discipline. This is the most important part of the whole spanking. The HOH must forgive her, he should tell her that everything is forgiven, everything will be allright. The emotions that flow forth must be accepted with as much aftercare as needed, nothing else matters.

"Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted. Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! ... All is again right in your little corner of God's world."
What a wonderful sentiment.

The Benefits of Scolding

At the very least right before a punishment spanking starts there should be a “talking to”. It’s very important to reinforce and in the case of a punishment spanking, actually rebuild submission. Therefore it should go without saying that scolding can be a very big part of a punishment spanking, by setting and controlling the mood. It doesn’t have to be long, berating or intense enough to bring tears before a smack touches butt. It does however have to be a clear explanation to the bottom why she is getting spanked, she should of course agree that the forthcoming spanking is well deserved.

The scolding doesn’t have to be a two-way conversation, it can be a lecture during corner time. It should however be punctuated with properly placed questions to keep the attention and to make sure she is involved in, or agrees with the decision that a spanking is called for.

HOH: “You, never should have tried to put off taking care of that matter. It would have been so much simpler for everyone if you had simply taken care of it as soon as you knew it had to be done. Is there some reason why you thought it had to be put off till the last minute?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then perhaps I should blame myself for neglecting your discipline.
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: Perhaps our maintenance isn’t often enough, or severe enough to remind you that I will hold you accountable, did I somehow give you that impression?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Did you think that when I found out I would simply ignore the matter?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then I can assume that we both agree that you deserve to be punished?”
SO: ”Yes Sir”.

HOH: “Do you know what I’m going to do about this matter?”
SO: “Yes Sir”

HOH: “Tell me what’s going to be happening here in a few minutes”
SO: “You’re going to spank me Sir”

HOH: “Well that’s part of it I suppose. Actually I’m going to be teaching you some lessons, lessons that I had hoped you would have learned already without forcing me to spank you. I’m going to remind you that when you have something to do, you need to do it and not procrastinate. I’m going to remind you that I will hold you accountable, because you want me to. I’m going to remind you of your submission to me. I’m going to remind you that I will not ever ignore my responsibility and that the consequences of disappointing me can be severe and are best avoided. If I don’t sense that you are truly sorry, we’ll be doing this again until you are. Do you understand me?”
SO: “Yes Sir”.

These questions and statements don’t have to be right after one another, they can of course be several minutes apart during corner time. The significance and intensity will be far greater and you’ll be much more likely to force her emotions to release freeing and clearing her mind and heart of everything until the only thing left between the two of you is love.

These things, some or all need to be said, always remembering that you’re really spanking the mind, not the buttocks. These things, some or all do need to be said, but never yelled. If you’re yelling, you need to calm down before you go any further.

Some Spanking Techniques

I can not proclaim myself as an expert, however what I compiled is the result of considerable reading of the thoughts and experiences of myself and others. Your mileage may vary, this isn't the only place to do reasearch. Ok, disclaimer out of the way.

There is no one right way to spank, there are however many wrong ways. Wrong way would be to weave erotic play into what is intended as a DD action. Another wrong way would be to injure, the beauty of the bottom… well actually there are many beauties of the bottom, but I digress. The beauty of the bottom is the ability to provide an attention getting memorable experience without permanent harm. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not the bottom that you are talking too, it’s all in the mind and the bottom is the conduit.

Clothing
Every couple may have their own preference for clothing during a spanking. Consider however the advantages of both the man and woman being fully clothed up until the moment the spanking begins. The core desire here is to keep this fully separate from erotic spanking. Many couples have dress code rules that specify skirts and dresses always unless permission is given otherwise. In day to day happenings she will always be aware that all it takes is a quick bend, lift of the skirt and tug of the panties to put her in her place. When she is ordered to hold up her skirt or pull down her own panties in preparation, the anticipation this brings is a powerful thing for the mind.

Position
One of the most important aspects of making the spanking effective is positioning. Positioning can and I believe should be different depending on just why she is being spanked.

Maitenance
My belief is that Maintenance Spanking should always start and finish over the lap or over the knee. It’s a natural position of submission and the closeness provides mental benefits for both of you. Most men will find that over the lap just doesn’t work very well, after a few minutes when her bottom starts to really light up she may start kicking her legs and even reaching back with her hands to stop the smacks. That can be very dangerous and you both could be injured. What works better is the classic over the knee position, also known as OTK. To do OTK she is laying over just one of your thighs, your other leg is wrapped on top of her legs holding them down and effectively preventing her from kicking or escaping. Her back is being held down with your free arm or, if you are right handed you are holding her right hand behind her back with your left hand. If she is fighting hold her wrist firmly, if she has submitted hold her hand, the closeness is enhanced and reinforces her submission.

Punishment
Punishment spankings can and probably should be a bit less personal at the start depending on just why she is being spanked. They should especially at the beginning, be much more formal, corner time is almost always a must before and between innings. You can build up the anticipation while she is in the corner, letting her hear the clatter of implements, calling out the minutes until the session begins, and providing calm scolding for the infraction that put her in this position. It’s also worth while at this time to mention to her that you really don’t want to do this and you would rather be doing something else, but she has forced you to do this.

For punishment you should consider more latitude for positioning, you of course must be comfortable. She doesn’t have to be comfortable and if she’s not, so much the better to a degree but she should be at least comfortable enough to not be distracted by the position. Her attention needs to be held by what’s happening to her bottom and not too distracted by the position. Bent over a chair or table, at the foot of the bed or even lying on the bed with her butt propped high on pillows are all good methods. The position can add a tinge of humiliation and that can be enhanced in several ways. Particularly useful if she got herself this spanking with arrogance or disrespect. If her bottom is propped on a stool or other firm item that won’t move, be aware that each smack will be much more powerful as there will be no give.

Impements
It should be noted that large or heavy paddles may pack quite a wallop and certainly get attention, but then bruise or if used with too much force actually to some serious damage. Be very careful, try some whacks on your own bare butt before introducing something new, know what you are using. If she is small in stature, petite or with a tiny-hiney feel where her pelvic bone is, avoid it and concentrate on those two pillow mounds. The best items to use by far are lighter things that may provide less impact but a world of sting.

The most natural implement is your hand.
Your hand also will feel the most personal to your significant other. Unfortunately your hand will most likely not be up to the task of giving her the proper spanking that she wants and needs. The first attempt at delivering a spanking will probably happen with you holding your hand firm and swinging as hard as you can. Well you’ll only be able to do that about for a dozen swings at the most. Doing so will make your hand sting more than her bottom and you’ll quickly lose interest in that. You can prolong the usefulness of your hand by using a limp wrist with your fingers open and relaxed.

Other items can vary greatly from the specialized paddles and floggers to the use of everyday items. The breadboard that hangs on the wall with the "Home Sweet Home", useable like a school paddle for a few smacks, certainly too massive and easy to overdo. However, every time it is seen, caught out of the corner of the eye, for days and even weeks after, the memory will return. Her hairbrush if its maybe 2 ½ by 4 inches, probably looks a bit small but if it’s shaped right, flat or with a small convex, capable of an intense sting. It’s obvious that her hairbrush will be a daily reminder. Remember that little toy you had as a child? The paddle with a ball at the end of an elastic string… very light weight… intense sting. Remember it’s not heavy pull for the fence swings, they will wear you both out way too soon. Try very rapid light smacks, they’ll feel like a sitting on a hornets nest.