Yet Another Memorable Spanking

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Broken Cane

I’m about to tell some things about Minx and I that neither her nor I have ever discussed or "blogged" about before in any sort of detail.

Anyone who has read our blogs knows how I won't hesitate to spank her poor bottom raw...
Well, she just might very well...
No, ah shit...
She WILL be returning the favor.

Now those of you who may have read some on the things here, or particularly on my Yahoo 360 know that I am not your typical eyeryday found on any street corner Dom-ish Disciplinarian. If you know anything about me you’ll know that my first sparks into non-vanilla-ism was based on some deep seeded need to be submissive. Butt, then there were complications.

Well, like an experienced subbie friend who when I told her that I thought I had some dom-ish tendencies told me that she could tell I was a natural Dom but she knew I had to find that out for myself. Although my whole approach to LDD has been keeping it as far from BDSM as possible there are of course those other times when minds drift to the D/S aspects for any sort of play.

Well all of this gets so complicated and confusing sometimes…

There are times when I know that the label of switch suites me best. In any event Minx has known this about me from the start, or actually before the start and one of the first things that came up when we became an item was that perhaps a "Spencer" thing might work really well for us (at her suggestion). No, not that she has ever had any Fem-Dom desires but she does have a basic desire to give me whatever I might want or need.

Uh… is that bottoming from the Top or subbing from the side…
well…
who knows…
It doesn’t really matter in the long run…

Butt…

I resisted.

In hindsight not because I didn’t know that she was probably right but because I’ve spent an hour or two Googling "Spencer Plan" and have come to the conclusion that there is little if any evidence of it being any more than an urban legend. Some sort of well organized hoax story… great idea that it may be.
My resistance with time has worn away by my inner desire at times to be on the wrong end of the paddle, and to find ways to be closer to her.
.
Fast forward to a week or three ago…

On one of those rare occasions I found myself face down into the bedcovers with my butt propped high… Minx sitting on my back to hold me down and spanking the living daylights out of my poor ass. Yeah, despite underlying curiosities and all I don’t submit very well. Now… here’s the thing. Minx got VERY wet and I got very excited (read hard) about the whole idea.

So…
I told Minx that I was wrong to brush off her long ago suggestion and told her that yes, it might just be the perfect thing for the two of us.

Well, that of course means that at some point I have to get the same sort of AAAC (Avoid At All Cost) spanking that she has become very familiar with. Hard as it may be she has done her best to give me that spanking (Apparently I need to be restrained for such a thing). On the couple of occasions that she has tried to get us going on that track… I’ve resisted and Dom-ed my way out of those spankings.

The really scary part for me is that she has learned (first-hand) from our toy collection what really, really hurts. Oh yeah, she knows how to use them all including the old broken cane. Perhaps she needs to scold me into submitting without restraint. She did get me over some pillows and managed to land about nine really memorable strokes with the old (broken 6" short) cane. It was that last stroke, she was more adept with each one… Stroke number nine was extrememly painful and left my ass with a sore sport that lasted for about five days.

The whole experience brought to mind one of Minx's better quotes: "What the hell was I thinking when I decided on this whole spanking thing… I need a new hobby." (Scarlet Minx, 2008)

One of the unique aspects is that the whole time I may be thinking that a spanking may be enroute to my ass... I still have to be there holding Minx accountable... the double edged paddle of a Spencer-ish relationship.

I know how hard it is for Minx to even try (in spite of our recent discovery about it’s ability to get her wet).
Uh-Oh, did I somehow uncover a closet FemDom? We do have very little free and private time together, however I know the sooner or later the inevitable will certainly arrive upon my poor cheeks.

Thank you God for the gift of letting me have this woman in my life… I love her so much!

Minx my sweetie...

I LOVE YOU!

When You Don't Want a Spanking... You Really Need One

Tonight I slapped Minx's behind a few times and she yelled that she didn't want a spanking... That's when I knew without a doubt that she really needs a very, very good spanking.

Sometimes not having privacy is just an inconvenience, sometimes I think in our case it's too often the norm and the most insideous thing that we have fighting our relationship. Both ways by the way. We have and we can practice to a degree mutual LDD... When and if we can actually practice it... Not quite a "Spencer Plan", but there are times when I do find the need to know that Minx has in the past... and hopefully will in the future hold me accountable for certain things... Much to her regret sometimes I think, because I don't believe she get's as much out of that weird aspect as I would hope that she would. Weird shit I know, but who of us could claim to be 100% normal.

BUTT...
I digress...
Minx, when you wake tomorrow and find that finally... after a very long time... I've posted to my blog the important thing for you to know is that you will be getting a very, very memorable spanking. Yeah, I know... When? Well... whenever we can have the needed privacy. Might be sooner than you would expect so you should sit comfortable while you can my sweet woman that I love so much.

Wrong Wrist

When a couple integrates LDD into their relationship it's virtually impossible to always take care of matters right away. Sometimes things just have to be postponed. There may be a previous engagement that can't be cancelled, or more likely the lack of privacy.

For as long as I can remember the first thing I do before doing anything strenuous is to take my watch off of my wrist and put it in my pocket or onto my other wrist, upside down. I've always been a watch on the left wrist kind of guy; of course the fact that I'm left handed makes that impossible at times. Obviously, a good spanking from my leaft hand would be too much even for my John Cameron Swayze.

The way I've decided to remember and to issue the promise of the spanking that is due is to use the simple symbol that will be obvious to Minx, actually so that both she and I will remember. I do hate having my watch upside down on the wrong wrist. However, it can't go back to my left wrist until matters have been dealt with.

So, when something has to be addressed that means Minx will be over my knee I've been moving my watch to the wrong side. I hate it there so I'll be looking for the first opportunity to move it back. That won't happen until Minx's bottom has been heated. Naturally, she hates seeing it there too knowing what it means will be happening to her poor bottom. Whenever the activity is over, I will move it back where hopefully it can stay for a while.

Right now my watch is on the wrong wrist. Minx made a little, very little, attempt of talking me into putting the watch back where it belongs and "...let's forget it this time". Simple question right back at her, "Would you really want it to be something that you could ever talk me out of?"

Naturally, her answer is no

It's Not About the Cuffs

From the perspective of consenting adults who wish to practice DD, it’s very disturbing when one realizes that often those who crave to give up control to a would-be Head of Household have the potential to be blinded by their desires. Someone who has never been spanked as an adult, yet craves to give the authority for discipline to another becomes very vulnerable and can quickly become a victim of the uncertainty of her desires. Especially when it’s considered that often the would-be spankee believes that what they are looking for is a strong dominant person. Unfortunately they just may find a very strong dominant person or worse, an inexperienced dominant person and then have aspects of D/s play introduced.

There are far more people with D/s experience than there are with DD experience and knowledge cruising the pages and groups of the internet. It’s very easy for someone who wants to find a Head of Household to instead find a Dom. Consequently the would-be spankee in her haste to find relief for these cravings that she feels, willingly accepts that this must be part of what it is that she wants. The encounter can quickly digress to a very unfortunate and disappointing experience. I’m not trying to say that a Dom can’t be part of a wonderful fulfilling experience within the boundaries of a lifestyle of domestic discipline. In fact I believe it’s even possible for a woman to be submissive to her HOH under their chosen lifestyle of LDD and then have what would appear to be a completely different sexual role as a dominant behind the more intimate closed doors of the couple’s sex life with aspects of BDSM play.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with BDSM play. In fact, I can’t help but imagine that many couples who do have a very rewarding LDD lifestyle, do when the mood strikes them practice various aspects of BDSM play. The most important ingredient of such play is the fact that when safely practiced both, or all participants have an excellent understanding of just what is going to happen and that often such play is well choreographed to insure that nothing is left to chance when it comes to safety. The relentless mantra of those with extensive experience with BDSM is Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Yes, spanking can and does invoke some very powerful sexual sensations. However I believe that often what a woman may wish for is a more traditional lifestyle where she can freely choose to give her HOH the authority to discipline her for things that she wishes to be held accountable. Time and again she may have been upset with herself with some of her actions or in-actions and she does not want that to happen again. She wants to be encouraged to meet her own goals. Something of a paradox but none the less real, what is often actually happening here is the woman is choosing her own form of encouragement and that aspect is not sexual. She is looking for a different kind of strength that is not physical. Those base traits of character, integrity and consistency are the strengths that become key to LDD on any level, are also the keys to developing the LDD mantra of Communication and Trust. The fact that her HOH has risen to and accepted the role and has proven to be of strong enough character to do so with consistency and fairness can however act as a very strong emotional and sexual stimulant.

No Safe Word

It's impossible to explore the BDSM world without having a firm understanding of Safe, Sane and Consensual. They are the magic words that bind and set the boundaries of safe sex play. Everyone who plays this way must have/use a "safe word". One couple may decide that "Red !!!" will make everything stop... "Yellow" means "I'm getting scared. and green means give me more asshole you're not being hard enough with me. No matter... In the world of LDD it can be just the opposite and a couple that has decided to push the edge of LDD may very well decide that Safe, Sane and Consensual have no place in their bedroom. To do so requires and intense trust and complete communication.

When she is ordered over his lap she may may want to know that she does not have a way of stopping the inevitable spanking. She may very well want to know that absolutely nothing will, or can prevent or protect her from getting a her life altering bottom warming.. She may want that kick of knowing that all control is taken away.When there is such a surrender of control there is compete trust and an intensity that can not be described.

Is It True?

This entry started as a reply to sassyminx who commented on my previous post. I decided it needed an entry of it's own. Oh, well... perhaps it's silly to spend so much time wondering why we, who do TTWD, do this thing we do...


Does a submissve regret the disapponitment that you've caused your HOH more than the pain of the spanking?


Do you think this brings a D/s (as in BDSM) aspect to the relationship?

or...

Perhaps, do you think that that practicing LDD makes ones want to avoid the consequences of pain or dissapointment equally?

or...

Do you crave the pain of the punishment spanking because you know that with it comes forgiveness and aftercare?



Perhaps what drives you is the need for a 24/7 in the home. You are in control in your profession, but don't want control at all in your private life.

Just some thought provokers...

Tell me what you think, makes you crave LDD.

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.

Loving Domestic Discipline v2

The thought of an LDD, Loving Domestic Discipline relationship has captured me. I've come to the conclusion that I will never again settle for anything less in a relationship. It's what I seek, it's what I crave and the only way I will ever have the perfect love.

I'm certainly not the only person with this opinion, in fact I'm more amazed every day as I find out about more and more people who are "de-lurking" and "coming out". I read a number of blogs about LDD on a regular basis and some message boards such as Spanking Classics Story Board and on a regular basis there are a number of people who sign on and say they've been reading for some time (lurking) and they've finally decided to join the board and take part in the discussion. They often say they have just started, or wish they could start a DD relationship with their spouse. Additionally there are people who sign on and say they and their spouse have been practicing a DD relationship for years. Who ever knew.

See also: How to Tell Your Thick Headed Husband

The Dominant HOH

I've talked with several women who thought that what they needed was some form D/s or power exchange, They are usually of strong will and do not lack confidence yet they desire to give up control in the home. They gravitated to some sort of BDSM experience but had no interest in being the typical submissive or slave, that wasn't what they were looking for. One way or another they found out about Loving Domestic Discipline and now they've decided that it's the kind of relationship that they've always needed.

I've also read quite a few posts on bulletin boards written by women who say they are looking for a dominant man who will able to rise to the role of HOH. These women have a need to respect and be respected. On the other hand, too often waiting for them is the Dominant who will treat them like a doormat and that is not what they are after either.

So the point that I suppose I'm trying to make is that I don't believe a Head of Household need be of dominant nature in the D/s sense, but he does need to be strong. Seeking an HOH or seeking to be one... it's strength of character, integrity and decisiveness that are traits that must be sought and developed.

Once in a dynamic LDD relationship the ongoing need for respect, consistency and fairness can best be served with these old fashioned traits and nothing less. Remembering always that the HOH must live to a higher standard, the relationship makes both parties better.

How to Tell Your Thick Headed Husband

I've spent a lot of time reading everything I can find on LDD or Taken in Hand relationships. I've read a lot of posts by women who are frustrated and don't know how to tell their SO what it is that they want and crave.

So,
I decided to write a little Domestic Discipline "Primer" from a guy to guys that a woman could copy, edit and print off. Then place it under his coffee mug some morning....

No, better place it on top of the mug otherwise he might not see it. Then, all the needy lady has to do is place a nice hairbrush or other scary implement on his pillow or dresser and patiently wait for the fireworks to start.

So here is: Loving DD

The reason you are reading this is because the woman in your life has something to tell you that she doesn’t know how to vocalize. How can that be? For as long as you’ve known her, she certainly has never before been at a loss of words. Well this subject can be sensitive, she doesn’t know how you will react or what you will think of her.

She wants to change the doubt that she has for this and any other subject, she wants to build a firm foundation of trust and communication for not only this subject but for all subjects so she can know that she can talk to you about anything. Ok, this is already starting to sound like it’s going to be a major pain in the butt, well it will be a lot of work and require a major time commitment for both of you. Let me assure you, it certainly will be a major pain in the butt, the good news it won’t be your butt.

A Strong Woman
Your lady is probably a strong confident woman of character, perhaps well educated but none the less she just about always knows what she wants and seldom if ever hesitates to do whatever is necessary. If she works outside the home she may hold a position of authority with responsibilities that she handles skillfully and or charge of a number of employees.

So how can it be that a woman who may be strong in so many ways has such a difficult time letting you know what she really wants you to now do?

Because, there are sometimes things she doesn’t want to be strong about, at least without your help. There’s something that she wants you to do instead… she wants you to take a more active part in your relationship. She wants you to hold her accountable for her safety, attitude and responsibilities. She's asking for your help.

If she endangers herself, or anyone else for that matter by doing something foolish like driving home after having too many cocktails with her girlfriends… Well, she wants you to take action that will prevent her from ever doing it again!

If she was moody, rude, or down right bitchy to you, or for that matter anyone… Well she wants you to take action that will make her think twice next time before opening her mouth and inserting foot.

If she kept putting off writing the check for the credit card and now it’s late… Well she wants you to take action that will make her want to get those things done that she knows she has to do. She wants you to accept the responsibility of holding her accountable and teach her a lesson that she will be able to remember for a long, long time.

There are other things too.
The next time you two argue, she wants you to put your foot down and lay down the law that there won’t be any more arguing.

She wants you to say "That will be quite enough, we’ll talk about this later when cooler heads prevail!".

She doesn’t want you to make a major decision without her input or agreement, but she does want you to take control of the debate when it’s in danger of being an argument. She wants you to take action. No stupid, not action on the subject, action on the method of conversation.

If she should fail to respect your decision that it wasn’t a conversation, if she doesn’t accept and respect your opinion that no progress was being made, just the same points being berated and restated in louder volumes. If she fails to respect you in any manner during the incident she wants you to take action so that she’ll never do that again. If she does ever forget in the future, she wants to know that you will not tolerate it without consequences.

You see she’s not asking you to make her decisions for her, she’s looking for emotional support and a somewhat constant reinforcement of care and love with your consistent involvement in how you communicate. Now go back and reread this paragraph at least three times, and take notes… no hi-liter on the monitor please.

Why does she want these things?Because as a woman the most sensual and powerful attractant that draws her to you as her man is her respect for you.

No, forget it, it’s not your pride and joy swinging between your legs, she would happily settle for a less endowed man if there is such a thing. It’s not your magical fingers that she enjoys so much. No, it’s not those things that you do with your tongue either. All those things are icing, the real cake is the leadership that you can, or rightfully should provide her as a man. She wants to respect you. She also wants you to respect her, but you already knew that, she’s probably screamed it at you a hundred times.

The good news here if you so choose, you can take action to insure that she never screams at you again, well she might, once.

What brings these things out in a woman?
Simple, if you didn’t notice she’s different from you. No, not just those spots. She thinks differently than you do. Much of what goes on in her mind can become a mix of uncontrollable emotions that build up to an intolerable level, she’s not happy, she might be confused, she wants you to help her.

She does know what she wants, she wants to let all of it go with a good cry. She wants to be leaning on your shoulder, telling you everything, sobbing and clearing her head and heart of all the pent up emotions and unsaid things.

Having you listen, having you forgiver her, having you tell her it will all be alright. In other words dim-wit… she wants you to spank her.

No, not sensual play although she might like that too. She wants a real old fashioned over the knee, you’re going to remember this for a long, long time and never do it again butt stinging, bottom throbbing cheek burning spanking.

However before you even think about giving her what she wants and needs you really do need to know how to do it right. No, you do not. Pay attention and do some other research elsewhere too. If you do it wrong, it will make things much worse and you’ll never be able to explain it to the domestic relations people.

Now you have to be asking yourself why in the world would a woman who you’ve committed to protecting want you to cause her pain?
Well, she doesn’t really want you to cause her pain, she doesn’t want to be hurt at all. In fact if you do it properly she will be kicking, crying, screaming and begging you to stop, but you can not. She knows it’s going to be painful for her and an experience that she in fact really doesn’t want to have.

She does however know that it does have to happen for the sake of the relationship. She knows that her sore bottom will bring a rush of tears and eventually a flood of emotions out that will give her a much needed release. Ultimately she will gain a new found respect for the man who loves her enough to spank her for her own good and the good of your relationship.

What is all this?
It doesn’t really matter what name you give it though this is commonly known as Loving Domestic Discipline, often just called LDD or DD. It borrows some terms and methods from BDSM, but that’s about where the connection ends. There are limitless variations and some refer to it as being "Taken in Hand" or TIH. Often associated with the Queen’s English way of referring to these actions, such as "Her husband’s reacted to the incident when he promptly took matters in hand". Many believe that there are both subtle and strong difference between LDD and TIH, but I won’t have that discussion here.

There are also many faith based participants who may refer to themselves as practicing Christian Domestic Discipline. Why not pick up the bible and check out Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 21 onward. Some call it a Traditional Marriage, that’s right just like Ricky taking Lucy over his knee for being irresponsible or John Wayne giving Maureen O’Hara a well deserved attitude adjustment.

What is it not?
As you read the hundreds of works available on the Internet you will likely find hundreds of opinions on this. Whatever it’s worth, this really is not a licensed subsidiary of BDSM. You may or may not have had experience with BDSM, it really is a very large, broad label that covers what seams to be a limitless number of activities.

For many, BDSM often involves pleasure gained by giving discipline or being disciplined, binding or being bound, enjoying the heightened pleasure brought on by the flow of endorphins usually in response to pain. Arousal from getting or giving power, authority or pain, it doesn’t need a reason other than exploring the mutual desires of the participants.Often BDSM is role play or exploring fantasies that work toward the goal of satisfying a fetish or even just heightened sexual pleasure.

The goal of Loving DD is not the pursuit of the next orgasm, the goal and attainable result of LDD is a stronger relationship between you and your partner. Many couples after discipline do actually find themselves moving to the bedroom but the heightened sexual desire that your mate will likely display is the result of the stronger sense of security and from receiving you after-care.

Properly delivered, after an effective spanking she will be crying profusely but craving your embrace.
The craving for a sense of security from your leadership and approval drives her need. As a man your natural instinct is to spread your seed, as a woman her basic instinct compels her to a man who she believes to be strong enough to protect both her and her family.

That doesn’t mean that you and your partner can’t weave in certain aspects of BDSM into TTWD (This Thing We Do). That is of course completely up to each couple just how, when, where and the why incidents or actions require attention. Many couple who practice DD insist that there be no aspect of sexual play before or after Punishment or Discipline spankings. Every couple is different and your mileage may vary, you need to discuss these items and what expectations you each may have in detail.

Spanko
Could it be that the reason my woman wants to be spanked is that she just gets some kinky pleasure from being spanked? Well in all honesty, maybe.

Some women and some men do derive sexual excitement at the thought of being spanked. But if that’s all she wanted, that’s all she would have asked for.

This certainly didn't happen overnight. She may very well have been harboring fantasies of being taken and being spanked by a strong man for decades. Or, this may have been a recent discovery from something she may have read on the Internet, but still not an overnight impulsive awakening. She has probably lied awake at night for hours trying to imagine how she could even begin a conversation with you about this subject. There are many stigmas that are attached to spanking, consider forgetting them all and remember this woman loves you and wants your relationship to not only survive but grow ever stronger.

Surveys have suggested that possibly as much as 40% of adults in the United States practice some sort of consensual spanking activity in the privacy of their homes. There are many variations from light butt slaps during sex play to what could be described as nothing less than the infliction of intense pain.

No matter what, she probably will be sexually aroused by the thought of you spanking her. Many women who actively practice a DD lifestyle with their mate report that the thought of their significant other taking action is what excites them, not the pain.

The bottom line so to speak, she has opened her heart to you. This likely is her deepest most precious secret and the only reason she has revealed this all to you is because she has an intense love for you and wants to open those secrets to you. She wants to trust you knowing that no matter what you won't laugh, you will listen.

Rules and Contracts
Some couples write out formal contracts that are always subject to revision, others establish a list of boundaries or simple rules and consequences. You must jointly decide how you establish rules and consequences, it’s her responsibility to obey them and it’s your responsibility to enforce the consequences with consistency and fairness.

How to Spank OTK (Over the Knee) 
Schedule some private time where you can practice and exchange feelings and thoughts. Discuss basic rules and how they need to be enforced. Plan for that private time to include an actual practice spanking, take your time and discuss all reactions.She probably knows exactly how it has to happen, and could very well be hiding implements that she's been collecting that she imagines you will possibly spank her with.

However, the most effective implement that you need to learn how to use first, is your bare hand. If you start off tyring to smack her ass with your bare hand as hard as you can... Your hand will only last about five or six smacks before it's more sore than her ass.

Find a nice chair or edge of the bed and have a comfortable seat if you're going to make her seat uncomfortable. Lead her over your lap and rub your target, telling her you love her and that's why she's going to be spanked.

Start off slow and light, build a rhythm and use a loose floppy wrist and fingers. Before too long her ass will start to burn warm from the sting. She'll likely try to reach back to protect her poor vulnerable ass as the spanking begins to become effective; Don't let her, one of you will end up with broken fingers that way. Hold her wrist into the shallow of her back which will likely force her ass up for better target access.

Progress in stages with breaks to rest your hand. Your comfort is paramount if the spanking is going to last long enough to be effective. Her comfort isn't quite as important, but she can't be so uncomfortable as to be distracted. The spanking needs to be the only thing that should be on her mind besides the actions that got her in this position.

For the second inning lift her dress or pull down her pants leaving only her thin panties for protection. Then, perhaps for the third inning, pull down her panties far enough to frame your target and give you an unfettered view of your handiwork.

Sooner or later her legs will begin to kick rather furiously, swing your free leg over both of hers to insure she stays put for all the action you have planned.

Remember, you are not spanking her ass, you are spanking her brain. Her ass is nothing more than a very effective conduit to the brain... Scold.

Scold effectively and not in a condescending fashion; Scold honestly without embellishment so keep it real and not contrived otherwise it's just role play and she didn't ask for that.

Pay attention now, this is important, consider this a sport and that you need to practice. Assume that you will not start until you know all the plays and all the rules.Some important rules you two need to discuss:

• Never spank her while you are angry... Think corner time, or tomorrow.
• Never, ever let alcohol cloud your senses (or other diversions) when there will be a punishment spanking
• Never spank with an implement you're not familiar with
• Never spank without being completely aware of her reactions... Lights on!
• Never spank when you are not capable of forgiveness.
• Never spank without her knowing why
• Never spank without her full consent, use a "Safe Word" or at least a "Health Word"
• Never spank without knowing she agrees it's deserved and you're right to do so.
• Never spank above the hip.

Keep in mind that most women (and men) who want Domestic Discipline in their relationship have a paradox in their brains with two basic concerns:

• Her first major concern is that you won't be willing or able to spank her long enough and hard enough enough to bring her to tears and give her a life changing cathartic experience.
• Her second major concern is that you will be willing and able to spank her long enough and hard enough enough to bring her to tears and give her a life changing cathartic experience

So, keep in mind she may be both craving and afraid of a spanking that will leave her bottom sore and tender for hours and possibly even sore for days. You can't start off that way though. If that's what she's craving you need to work toward those possibly more severe spankings gradually. She, and you may want her bottom to be intensely sore, but you must never hurt her. She wants this and it scares her, she doesn't want to experience this from you, she wants to experience this with you.

There might be times she refuses to be spanked, that's ok, it's her right to revoke your spanking permit. If this should happen she will have to decide if DD is what she really wanted all along and if so, under what context and rules. There's nothing wrong with taking s break.

Why spanking?
There may very well be times that you don’t even have to spank your partner if that’s what’s right for you and your partner at the time.

Many couples integrate other forms of punishment into their LDD relationship. Restriction of privileges or writing lines are other popular punishments, they won’t bring the instant rush of tears that a good spanking will. They will however remind her of your authority, the authority that she freely and willingly gives you. Remember that behavior is not in the butt, the butt is simply a very effective conduit to the brain. The required submission, humiliation and sting of a spanking are all pointed at the brain.

Fairness and Consistency
Trust and Communication are absolutely paramount as you move together to this lifestyle.

This isn’t a one way street, it happens with her consent. That’s right, she’s giving you permission to control her behavior, and she has the right to revoke it at any time. That’s not likely to happen unless you fail to do your job properly and that’s with fairness and consistency.

As you begin to research this topic you will notice that many women who are in DD relationships have one basic need from their HOH (Head of Household, that’s you sport) and it’s consistency,

I can not stress that enough. You just can not spank her bottom one time and the next time the same thing happens say "we’ll just let it go this time". You may be thinking that you want to let it go because you’re just too tired to do anything about it right now. You can not ever do that, because she’ll be thinking you just don’t care enough to do anything about it or put enough effort into protecting your relationship
.
Gotta Listen.
Keep the talk going all the time, don’t try to provide solutions during conversation, probe and when she says something ask her what that means to her. Men when presented with a point by a woman immediately try to think of a solution. Guess what guy, she doesn’t want you to solve all her dilemmas, but she does want you to hear them and understand them from her perspective. You’ll certainly need to learn to tell the difference, the answer won’t always be trip over your knee, often the answer is simple empathic listening.

So who holds you responsible?
You do, you will have to live your life to a higher standard.

Put the Donald Duck jamies out with the next yard sale and grow up. It’s time to let go of ol’ Teddy, it’s time to be a man there big guy. What if you make a mistake? Don’t make it again. You are allowed to make mistakes if you can learn from them. That’s the whole point, we are all human, the difference is that as a man you need to make sure that you always learn from your mistakes. As a woman your partner needs to know that she too has to learn from her mistakes and needs to know that if she doesn’t learn, you will not hesitate to hold her accountable.

Doesn’t seem fair does it?
Well for a very few couples it’s not.

The man just might find himself over his ladies knee someday too. Stop grinning, if you are one of those couples you just might find yourself unable to walk or sit comfortably for a day or two… or more.

Bouncing around on the Internet you are likely to find a thing called "The Spencer Plan", not sure if it’s real or fake, but there are actually couples that follow some form of household similar to it. Allegedly composed by a woman doctor in the early half of the 20th century the Spencer Plan states that a wife must always be spanked bare hand while a husband must always be whipped with a leather strap or paddle. This justice is administered for infractions determined by their contracts to one another.

So you’re not worried are you big guy?
The petite little woman will never be able to swing one of those big fraternity paddles. Don’t bet on it! Those things aren’t really all that heavy and just because she never played baseball, doesn’t mean that old battle-axe gym teacher she had, Ms. Ironbuns, didn’t teach her how to swing a bat for softball. Also those men who have been on the receiving end in such relationships can attest to the astonishing power hidden in that little hairbrush on her dressing table.

Oh, and be sure to watch your mouth in the kitchen if you see her reaching for a spatula or wooden spoon too.

Do you remember those old fashioned cartoons you watched on TV as a kid? Remember the wife swinging the rolling pin over her head as she chased her poor husband down the street? Well, the ol’ girl wasn’t stupid. She had no intention of giving the bread winner a life threatening concussion, she wanted a life altering experience for her man. She had a softer target in mind about three feet lower, and he knew it, which is why he ran like a bat from Hades.

What has the concept of LDD done for me?
It has taught me what was missing from my marriage, and why it failed. It has taught me that the emotions that so fill a woman’s soul, the things that define her femininity are the hardest things that she deals with, and sometimes she just needs a release. She needs her man, to be a man.