Yet Another Memorable Spanking

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Mea Culpa

Kinda weird, yeah...

Well, Minx and I can't really always talk since there is the shift thing... So, dear reader... You are privy to see some first person communication between Minx and I !

We haven’t ironed out all of the specifics it will take quite some time I’m sure, but we do have a unique DD relationship since I happen to be a switch.

Sexuality can and does play into such relationships where it isn’t just one partner who could find themselves with a tender bottom. Yes, spanking in spite of the painful discipline aspect can be, and most certainly is an erotic experience. Giving control to someone you love is just one of those things… or having control taken by the one you love… same thing.

So, that means that Minx on many more than one occasion has managed to spank my bottom tender. No, she doesn’t have it down perfect yet, but she has gotten much, much more effective each time she has spanked me. If I have to crawl over her lap I do know for a fact that by the time it is over I will have a very hot sore bottom. In fact it’s gotten to the point where yes, sexually it is exciting to think that she can (and will) do it, but on the other hand it’s far some something that I would actually look forward too. Of course, she has had some of her best tutoring at me knee. She has learned how to spank very hard, very long and very effectively and we don’t really know what it is, perhaps a little bit of switch in her persona. Or, just the idea of being the wonderful submissive that she is, she is somehow getting into the roll and liking it as if I’m topping from the bottom. Butt, she is liking the idea of turning my bottom red and purple, perhaps a little too much.

Things have been a bit difficult for Minx and I for the past few weeks. I was sick, she had a business trip, privacy has been at a premium and this past week one of my sons broke a bone and needed surgery. So, it’s been hard to pay attention to one another and hard to have any time at all to ourselves.

Additionaly, it's not always easy for her to see how much she lights up my life when she walks in the room. You see, I've found my perfect love. How do I identify Minx as my perfect love? Two words, actually a name... Ronald Reagan. Yeah, I'm a Red State kind of guy and Ronny can in many ways be my hero. However it's the love of Nancy Reagan that I wish to speak about. Ronald Reagan was in the White House and his aide was at his side. Nancy came in to see him and they talked and kissed and she then left the room. Ronny watched her leave and then turned to his aide and said " She is the only person in the world who can make me feel lonely, just by leaving the room.". He was in love, really in love with Nancy. I always hoped I could find a woman like that. Praise te Lord and pass the amunition... that lady is Minx.

Well sorry to say, Minx it turns out has been pissed at me and getting more pissed by the day and the hour. Yeah, I’m a guy so at times I do bark a bit in spite of my best efforts to be patient and remain in control of my mood. Well, poor Minx, she hasn’t been taking it well. The result has been that she hasn’t felt that she could talk to me and she has thought that anytime I’m not happy and smiling it must be because I’m upset with her. Well that’s certainly not true. Still, I felt quite a bit guilty about it and of all things, she decided that I needed my bottom heated because of it. Ok, well… Yes Mam. I of course fell into super apologetic mode and became perfectly willing to jump over to my submissive side, because I must have caused this problem for this wonderful woman that I love so much.

Well, back to the scenario of not having the perfect time and privacy for each other. So, I told her that I would do something about it and make sure she could take care of things. We need more quiet implements. My once almost scary rattan cane broke to about a 20" stubby, perhaps a bit of a OTK cane but certainly not scary quiet welt maker. "Minx, we need some quiet devices. I’m going to make a Loopy Johnny so you can tear my poor guilty butt apart and turn it into red and purple Jell-O and me into a quivering mass of guilty remorse". Well I did say something like that, although perhaps I didn’t use those exact words but she got the idea and so do you.

So, I did it. I made a rather formidable loopy and quite frankly I have absolutely no desire to feel it’s bite on my poor bottom. I tried it on my thigh and it has no allure for my somewhat nervous ass. The handle has to be about 12 or 14" long and for the business end, I put the leftover from a bungee cord that unwillingly gave it’s life for this device. I did make sure that it would stay put, I taped the bungee to the end of the handle (which I notched for the cord) and then poured a bunch of super glue into the attachment to make sure that no matter how hard the little bugger ripped my quivering butt it could still survive and rip more butt. Oh, and then I found the remnants of an old fishing rod in the cellar and placed the two together on top of the dresser for her to use as best she saw fit. That effin fishing rod BTW is one wicked welt maker… We’re talking no sit for a week kind of thing.

So, all sorts of wicked tools are available at Minx’s hand for her to use on my poor doomed butt. What happened? Nothing. Yeah, and now I’ve decided that things have to go the other way… Minx is the one who needs to be spanked.

Here’s the thing. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too short with her. Maybe I was just too insensitive for her needs. Well, I went almost an entire day of doing the Mea Culpa thing… Then, well… If and when you are wrong and you are willing to accept responsibility and consequences for any possible wrongdoing…. That’s wonderful. However, your Mea Culpa needs to be accepted and eventually you need to be forgiven.

That did not happen.

Imagine me, trying to be submissive (as best I can) an almost sometimes Dom that I am, and asking for forgiveness… and not getting it. Uh, hello… how do you spell mistake and where was it made?

Ok, that went on for a while… times up.

Well Miss Minx…

You had the chance to forgive me as I would do in a heart beat for you… Butt, since you did not… Now, I think maybe, you were playing it for whatever it was worth. I think that maybe you were wondering concisely or not just what this role thing might do for you and I think that to a degree you were playing it for what it was worth and wondering. Nope, PMS is not an excuse. We needed to rest our heads on the pillow with things resolved, and that didn’t happen. Now, I’ve jumped back and I’m in HOH mode.

I’m just a little upset little lady.

Real or imagined, whatever has kept you from feeling open to me and not able to talk to me has done some damage and I will NOT let our relationship be damaged. Our relationship won’t be damaged by me and not by you… and certainly not by some sort of wall that I’m more than capable of, and willing to make endless efforts to tear down.

You, young lady will be getting a toasty warm bottom, you will not now or ever take advantage of my willingness to accept that maybe I did something wrong, then play it against us. Ok, maybe you did not, maybe you did but didn’t know it would have these consequences so maybe the sound spanking that you will be getting isn’t really fair in your mind. Well, it can’t always be fair and you do know that. However one way or another I will put an end to it, when it is done everyone and everything will be forgiven, period.

For one reason more than any other,

I love you sweetie...

Well, yeah back to the concept that you readers will know this as soon or sooner than Minx sees it. Yeah, who knows how she will read this. Butt, by the times she reads this the alarm will have gone off, she will have had a cup of coffee... So, before she leaves for work she will either come back into the bedroom and throw her cup of coffee on me, or... give me a hug and tell me she loves me too.

I'm betting on the latter.

Oh, BTW little lady, submission and maintenance spankings are back on as soon as, and whenever I see fit that they are needed, period.

Oh, Considering the season....
Mary Kate Danerher...
Do you go for it?

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.

The Benefits of Scolding

At the very least right before a punishment spanking starts there should be a “talking to”. It’s very important to reinforce and in the case of a punishment spanking, actually rebuild submission. Therefore it should go without saying that scolding can be a very big part of a punishment spanking, by setting and controlling the mood. It doesn’t have to be long, berating or intense enough to bring tears before a smack touches butt. It does however have to be a clear explanation to the bottom why she is getting spanked, she should of course agree that the forthcoming spanking is well deserved.

The scolding doesn’t have to be a two-way conversation, it can be a lecture during corner time. It should however be punctuated with properly placed questions to keep the attention and to make sure she is involved in, or agrees with the decision that a spanking is called for.

HOH: “You, never should have tried to put off taking care of that matter. It would have been so much simpler for everyone if you had simply taken care of it as soon as you knew it had to be done. Is there some reason why you thought it had to be put off till the last minute?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then perhaps I should blame myself for neglecting your discipline.
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: Perhaps our maintenance isn’t often enough, or severe enough to remind you that I will hold you accountable, did I somehow give you that impression?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Did you think that when I found out I would simply ignore the matter?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then I can assume that we both agree that you deserve to be punished?”
SO: ”Yes Sir”.

HOH: “Do you know what I’m going to do about this matter?”
SO: “Yes Sir”

HOH: “Tell me what’s going to be happening here in a few minutes”
SO: “You’re going to spank me Sir”

HOH: “Well that’s part of it I suppose. Actually I’m going to be teaching you some lessons, lessons that I had hoped you would have learned already without forcing me to spank you. I’m going to remind you that when you have something to do, you need to do it and not procrastinate. I’m going to remind you that I will hold you accountable, because you want me to. I’m going to remind you of your submission to me. I’m going to remind you that I will not ever ignore my responsibility and that the consequences of disappointing me can be severe and are best avoided. If I don’t sense that you are truly sorry, we’ll be doing this again until you are. Do you understand me?”
SO: “Yes Sir”.

These questions and statements don’t have to be right after one another, they can of course be several minutes apart during corner time. The significance and intensity will be far greater and you’ll be much more likely to force her emotions to release freeing and clearing her mind and heart of everything until the only thing left between the two of you is love.

These things, some or all need to be said, always remembering that you’re really spanking the mind, not the buttocks. These things, some or all do need to be said, but never yelled. If you’re yelling, you need to calm down before you go any further.

Some Spanking Techniques

I can not proclaim myself as an expert, however what I compiled is the result of considerable reading of the thoughts and experiences of myself and others. Your mileage may vary, this isn't the only place to do reasearch. Ok, disclaimer out of the way.

There is no one right way to spank, there are however many wrong ways. Wrong way would be to weave erotic play into what is intended as a DD action. Another wrong way would be to injure, the beauty of the bottom… well actually there are many beauties of the bottom, but I digress. The beauty of the bottom is the ability to provide an attention getting memorable experience without permanent harm. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not the bottom that you are talking too, it’s all in the mind and the bottom is the conduit.

Clothing
Every couple may have their own preference for clothing during a spanking. Consider however the advantages of both the man and woman being fully clothed up until the moment the spanking begins. The core desire here is to keep this fully separate from erotic spanking. Many couples have dress code rules that specify skirts and dresses always unless permission is given otherwise. In day to day happenings she will always be aware that all it takes is a quick bend, lift of the skirt and tug of the panties to put her in her place. When she is ordered to hold up her skirt or pull down her own panties in preparation, the anticipation this brings is a powerful thing for the mind.

Position
One of the most important aspects of making the spanking effective is positioning. Positioning can and I believe should be different depending on just why she is being spanked.

Maitenance
My belief is that Maintenance Spanking should always start and finish over the lap or over the knee. It’s a natural position of submission and the closeness provides mental benefits for both of you. Most men will find that over the lap just doesn’t work very well, after a few minutes when her bottom starts to really light up she may start kicking her legs and even reaching back with her hands to stop the smacks. That can be very dangerous and you both could be injured. What works better is the classic over the knee position, also known as OTK. To do OTK she is laying over just one of your thighs, your other leg is wrapped on top of her legs holding them down and effectively preventing her from kicking or escaping. Her back is being held down with your free arm or, if you are right handed you are holding her right hand behind her back with your left hand. If she is fighting hold her wrist firmly, if she has submitted hold her hand, the closeness is enhanced and reinforces her submission.

Punishment
Punishment spankings can and probably should be a bit less personal at the start depending on just why she is being spanked. They should especially at the beginning, be much more formal, corner time is almost always a must before and between innings. You can build up the anticipation while she is in the corner, letting her hear the clatter of implements, calling out the minutes until the session begins, and providing calm scolding for the infraction that put her in this position. It’s also worth while at this time to mention to her that you really don’t want to do this and you would rather be doing something else, but she has forced you to do this.

For punishment you should consider more latitude for positioning, you of course must be comfortable. She doesn’t have to be comfortable and if she’s not, so much the better to a degree but she should be at least comfortable enough to not be distracted by the position. Her attention needs to be held by what’s happening to her bottom and not too distracted by the position. Bent over a chair or table, at the foot of the bed or even lying on the bed with her butt propped high on pillows are all good methods. The position can add a tinge of humiliation and that can be enhanced in several ways. Particularly useful if she got herself this spanking with arrogance or disrespect. If her bottom is propped on a stool or other firm item that won’t move, be aware that each smack will be much more powerful as there will be no give.

Impements
It should be noted that large or heavy paddles may pack quite a wallop and certainly get attention, but then bruise or if used with too much force actually to some serious damage. Be very careful, try some whacks on your own bare butt before introducing something new, know what you are using. If she is small in stature, petite or with a tiny-hiney feel where her pelvic bone is, avoid it and concentrate on those two pillow mounds. The best items to use by far are lighter things that may provide less impact but a world of sting.

The most natural implement is your hand.
Your hand also will feel the most personal to your significant other. Unfortunately your hand will most likely not be up to the task of giving her the proper spanking that she wants and needs. The first attempt at delivering a spanking will probably happen with you holding your hand firm and swinging as hard as you can. Well you’ll only be able to do that about for a dozen swings at the most. Doing so will make your hand sting more than her bottom and you’ll quickly lose interest in that. You can prolong the usefulness of your hand by using a limp wrist with your fingers open and relaxed.

Other items can vary greatly from the specialized paddles and floggers to the use of everyday items. The breadboard that hangs on the wall with the "Home Sweet Home", useable like a school paddle for a few smacks, certainly too massive and easy to overdo. However, every time it is seen, caught out of the corner of the eye, for days and even weeks after, the memory will return. Her hairbrush if its maybe 2 ½ by 4 inches, probably looks a bit small but if it’s shaped right, flat or with a small convex, capable of an intense sting. It’s obvious that her hairbrush will be a daily reminder. Remember that little toy you had as a child? The paddle with a ball at the end of an elastic string… very light weight… intense sting. Remember it’s not heavy pull for the fence swings, they will wear you both out way too soon. Try very rapid light smacks, they’ll feel like a sitting on a hornets nest.