Yet Another Memorable Spanking

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The Notorious Bettie Page

I was just reading about Bettie Page. It's hard to imagine what life would have been like for such a free spirit in the 50's. Not only was she a "Pin-Up" girl, but she was also featured in many BDSM photos.

Apparently she just passed away at the age of 85.

Kind of makes you wonder what your Grandmother might have been doing back in the day doesn't it?

It's Not About the Cuffs

From the perspective of consenting adults who wish to practice DD, it’s very disturbing when one realizes that often those who crave to give up control to a would-be Head of Household have the potential to be blinded by their desires. Someone who has never been spanked as an adult, yet craves to give the authority for discipline to another becomes very vulnerable and can quickly become a victim of the uncertainty of her desires. Especially when it’s considered that often the would-be spankee believes that what they are looking for is a strong dominant person. Unfortunately they just may find a very strong dominant person or worse, an inexperienced dominant person and then have aspects of D/s play introduced.

There are far more people with D/s experience than there are with DD experience and knowledge cruising the pages and groups of the internet. It’s very easy for someone who wants to find a Head of Household to instead find a Dom. Consequently the would-be spankee in her haste to find relief for these cravings that she feels, willingly accepts that this must be part of what it is that she wants. The encounter can quickly digress to a very unfortunate and disappointing experience. I’m not trying to say that a Dom can’t be part of a wonderful fulfilling experience within the boundaries of a lifestyle of domestic discipline. In fact I believe it’s even possible for a woman to be submissive to her HOH under their chosen lifestyle of LDD and then have what would appear to be a completely different sexual role as a dominant behind the more intimate closed doors of the couple’s sex life with aspects of BDSM play.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with BDSM play. In fact, I can’t help but imagine that many couples who do have a very rewarding LDD lifestyle, do when the mood strikes them practice various aspects of BDSM play. The most important ingredient of such play is the fact that when safely practiced both, or all participants have an excellent understanding of just what is going to happen and that often such play is well choreographed to insure that nothing is left to chance when it comes to safety. The relentless mantra of those with extensive experience with BDSM is Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Yes, spanking can and does invoke some very powerful sexual sensations. However I believe that often what a woman may wish for is a more traditional lifestyle where she can freely choose to give her HOH the authority to discipline her for things that she wishes to be held accountable. Time and again she may have been upset with herself with some of her actions or in-actions and she does not want that to happen again. She wants to be encouraged to meet her own goals. Something of a paradox but none the less real, what is often actually happening here is the woman is choosing her own form of encouragement and that aspect is not sexual. She is looking for a different kind of strength that is not physical. Those base traits of character, integrity and consistency are the strengths that become key to LDD on any level, are also the keys to developing the LDD mantra of Communication and Trust. The fact that her HOH has risen to and accepted the role and has proven to be of strong enough character to do so with consistency and fairness can however act as a very strong emotional and sexual stimulant.

Five Lies Women Tell Themselves

Wow, what an epiphany.

Guys... Wake up and smell the coffee!!!.

The woman in you life may very well want to tell you things... Things that she wants to do... Special things that may fulfill her fantasies. She needs you to have an open mind....

Here's the scoop:

I've spoken with more than one lady who has found her way into the world of DD through D/s or BDSM. In fact I've spoken with, or had LONG involved IM discussions with women who:

1) She’s was sure that you would NEVER agree to spank her.

2) She’s sure that you are SO square that if you heard her fantasies you would call a lawyer to find out how you could have her committed

3) She’s convinced that you'll never understand that SHE HAS FANTASIES TOO !!!! (because she doesn't know you have them).

4) She thinks that you would never let her try to find your 'G' spot. (Yes, you have one too)

5) That all you want is a quick lay or a nice BJ... and a cold beer... Well, you do!!! But more is nice too... but they she doesn’t know that.


These poor women just don't understand that we guys do have more than a passing interest in sex. The poor things think we just want to pump out a kid or two, get a nice BJ now and then and call it a day. The poor thing just doesn’t realize that we might actually be willing to climb into bed with both her and her fabulously large breasted best friend along with a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Yo...
(I'm from Philly)

For GOD sake tell her you like sex!!!

No Safe Word

It's impossible to explore the BDSM world without having a firm understanding of Safe, Sane and Consensual. They are the magic words that bind and set the boundaries of safe sex play. Everyone who plays this way must have/use a "safe word". One couple may decide that "Red !!!" will make everything stop... "Yellow" means "I'm getting scared. and green means give me more asshole you're not being hard enough with me. No matter... In the world of LDD it can be just the opposite and a couple that has decided to push the edge of LDD may very well decide that Safe, Sane and Consensual have no place in their bedroom. To do so requires and intense trust and complete communication.

When she is ordered over his lap she may may want to know that she does not have a way of stopping the inevitable spanking. She may very well want to know that absolutely nothing will, or can prevent or protect her from getting a her life altering bottom warming.. She may want that kick of knowing that all control is taken away.When there is such a surrender of control there is compete trust and an intensity that can not be described.

Is It True?

This entry started as a reply to sassyminx who commented on my previous post. I decided it needed an entry of it's own. Oh, well... perhaps it's silly to spend so much time wondering why we, who do TTWD, do this thing we do...


Does a submissve regret the disapponitment that you've caused your HOH more than the pain of the spanking?


Do you think this brings a D/s (as in BDSM) aspect to the relationship?

or...

Perhaps, do you think that that practicing LDD makes ones want to avoid the consequences of pain or dissapointment equally?

or...

Do you crave the pain of the punishment spanking because you know that with it comes forgiveness and aftercare?



Perhaps what drives you is the need for a 24/7 in the home. You are in control in your profession, but don't want control at all in your private life.

Just some thought provokers...

Tell me what you think, makes you crave LDD.

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.

The Dominant HOH

I've talked with several women who thought that what they needed was some form D/s or power exchange, They are usually of strong will and do not lack confidence yet they desire to give up control in the home. They gravitated to some sort of BDSM experience but had no interest in being the typical submissive or slave, that wasn't what they were looking for. One way or another they found out about Loving Domestic Discipline and now they've decided that it's the kind of relationship that they've always needed.

I've also read quite a few posts on bulletin boards written by women who say they are looking for a dominant man who will able to rise to the role of HOH. These women have a need to respect and be respected. On the other hand, too often waiting for them is the Dominant who will treat them like a doormat and that is not what they are after either.

So the point that I suppose I'm trying to make is that I don't believe a Head of Household need be of dominant nature in the D/s sense, but he does need to be strong. Seeking an HOH or seeking to be one... it's strength of character, integrity and decisiveness that are traits that must be sought and developed.

Once in a dynamic LDD relationship the ongoing need for respect, consistency and fairness can best be served with these old fashioned traits and nothing less. Remembering always that the HOH must live to a higher standard, the relationship makes both parties better.