“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

Being the typical non-typical DD couple things can get interesting around here sometimes. Of course we have the same problem that a lot of couples have, an almost perpetual lack of privacy. We might have changed that slightly, time will tell…

Today was the first day of a new schedule where I think I’ve managed to get things coordinated so that we actually have at least an hour and perhaps as much as two hours or privacy per day.

Well, we did have some privacy over the weekend and it did give me the chance to give Minx a pretty good spanking. She has needed a spanking for a while. Not so much for anything other than stress relief and just to reinforcing discipline a bit, she has been very good.

Minx also had the chance to try to spank me, but that didn’t go too well being the wimp that I am. I chickened out part way into it and got away from her which of course pissed her off a bit. It’s not easy for Minx to spank me; it’s just not her thing. Minx is much more comfortable being the spankee but she does try to cater to my cravings on occasion and if the need should happen to arrive, she has no problem at all giving me a punishment spanking. However, when I need a stress relief spanking, it’s not at all easy for her. There’s that role reversal thing, but also I’m much harder to hold in position when I start squirming and kicking as happened over the weekend.

Well, today our private time came to fruition and I had every intention to rebuild Minx’s leather butt. Since it’s been a while since she’s had regular spankings the spanking she got over the weekend was difficult for her re-virigned bottom. Being the caring HOH that I am, I planned on putting some regularity back into her spankings so it would be easier for her to take a good long spanking. You spankos out there know what I mean, if it’s been a while, it takes a while before you build up ‘leather butt’ tolerance again. Well, that was not to be.

I walked into the house and asked her if she was ready to get her leather butt rebuilt… however she said, “No, it’s your turn”.

Well, I hadn’t been too cooperative when she tried to spank me over the weekend so I suppose I knew it was coming so of course I complied. Minx told me to go pick out some implements…. Don’t you hate that?

I opened the toy drawer and looked, I knew that I would not be able to get away with a wimpy selection so I didn't try. I picked out the wicked hairbrush paddle, the sawed off bamboo bath brush, the Reb's OTK paddle with holes and the The London Tanners Domestic Discipline Strap. Minx approved, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice but to pick the ones that I hate since I hadn’t been cooperative for the last spanking.

Minx gave the quick simple order… “Drop ‘em”. I did.

There’s something that’s both intimidating and exciting about standing there with your pants at your ankle while your lady is picking up a paddle. Naturally, Mr. Happy was doing his best to embarrass me standing at full attention which of course Minx made some comments along the lines of ‘looks like he wants a spanking too’ and made some light contact.

When I first climbed over her knee, Mr. Happy was making things a little uncomfortable before he was properly positioned. Minx started with her bare hand, which felt, very comfortable and relaxing. Of course her bare hand didn’t last long enough, the sting had been light and actually somewhat comforting. Mr, Happy didn't stay around to find out though.

When I’m on the receiving end once the spanking starts I usually can’t tell what I’m being spanked with unless she tells me. She did a very good job of keeping me just slightly beyond the edge of what I can tolerate. You know, any lighter and you can take it, but just hard enough to keep you from ignoring it while you squirm and stress and have to work at staying in place. Then of course it had to happen, time to pay for not cooperating for the last spanking. Those hard heavy spanks that make you dig your fingernails into your palms and stress to stay in place.

I believe that the next round was from the Rebs OTK paddle and she kept me right on the edge with it. Then a few rounds with the DD strap and and paddles again. It was really getting hard to stay in place but I didn't want any more hard heavy full swing ones.

In between rounds of implements Minx rubs and comforts for a few seconds (always too few) which of course is wonderful. Then after a particularly hard to take round with what I think was the Bamboo Bath Brush she was rubbing my bottom and next I felt her spread my cheeks. I felt something slide into my ass and I realized what she was doing, Minx was giving me a Fleet enema.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

She said it with a little bit of a happy accomplished tone. That wasn’t the end of it of course, but it was the end of the unbearable pain from that point on as I had another thing to keep my mind occupied. The combination of the spanking that so far I had endured along with that bit of anal stimulation and caress just made the sting disapear and all of me was enjoying the continued contact.

Minx continued to spank and she spanked hard but from that point on ,I just wanted more. She asked me a couple of times if I had to go yet, I could have but I didn't want to, I wanted to feel more and put off going to expell as long as I could.

Odd isn't it.

Now, I’m probably more relaxed than I’ve been in a while, maybe tomorrow will be her turn.

Shut Up and Spank

I was just reading a post at Finding Sara about the issue of Consensual Non-consent. It’s one of those things that apparently many of us who practice a form of DD have decided on. Basically, the short version for us, is Minx has consented to be spanked whenever and however I feel she deserves it, and she can not refuse the spanking. With where we are now it’s a two way street. I too will accept a spanking from Minx if she feels I need it and here is the tricky part, there is no safe word. Sara did a very good job of describing the circumstances so I won’t rehash it in detail but there have been times when we’ve had to put DD on hold while we decided if this is really what we wanted. Just yesterday it looked like one of those times was upon us.

It wasn't during a punishment spanking since Minx has been very good lately. It was just your every day run of the mill kind of a combination stress relief and reinforce discipline spanking. The spanking wasn't very hard but it was rather long as that sometimes helps Minx get to a release, maybe a little bit of DD’ish subspace. I was sitting in a folding chair and Minx's was OTK and all the way down with her butt presented perfectly... If it had been punishment with faster and harder strokes the position would have certainly have left an "impression"... but it wasn't. Suddenly she yelled out "Stop torturing me!"

It's been awhile, so my first reaction was that we must be at one of those consent quandaries. Well of course I stopped right away, stood her up and we talked... It seems what was bothering her wasn't the paddle, but my questions! She wanted me to just shut the hell up and spank.

First time THAT has happened

Punish a Spanko With a Spanking

Often people post on message boards that they are in a TIH or DD relationship and they wonder that if they are going to be true to the concept... How can a spanking be a punishment for a spanko?

Sometimes people look for alternative punishments that don’t involve spanking. There have only been a couple of non-spanking punishments that I have given Minx. One involved no CDs for her far too long ride to work, no TV and early bed-time. Well, that’s fine too if it works but there isn’t any reason why a spanking can’t be a punishment for someone who loves spankings. Even for a woman who finds spanking erotic (Minx), a punishment spanking takes on an entirely new dimension and is not anticipated with pleasure so yes, it can be viewed as potentially truly effective punishment.

Waiting for an earned punishment spanking and the knowledge that the earned spanking will be with evil implements instead of 'yummy' ones will completely change the entire dynamic. For some, sometimes corner time before a spanking might be the method but actually there is no reason why it can't be "tomorrow night" or whenever the HOH decides. Waiting also of course helps insure the punishment will not given while still angry.

Everyone does (or should) have in their collection several implements that garner the response "what was I thinking when I bought that thing". You know, the implements that she threatens to at least hide if not burn. We have our power toys and of course our cane-iac products. Our power toys can be used all the time but when they are used with "umph", proper position or long duration they become totally wicked and certainly scary.

Intensity, a truly painful spanking that will leave her "remembering" it for days every time she walks or sits, once experienced won’t be craved. This is a bit tricky because a spanking that leaves a memory for a few days can be yummy and exciting every time it’s felt. However, if the memory was of a truly unpleasant spanking the dynamic changes.

Multiple spankings can be a strong deterrent. Knowing that tomorrow morning's spanking will on a bottom that will be on a still, far too sore bottom takes away any craving value.

Aftercare should never be ignored and being able to say "It’s all over" should be the words she always hears at "first hug". However "every thing’s forgiven" the most powerful words in any kind of relationship should only be after the last spanking if multiples are assigned. Not hearing those keywords can avert any belief that the spanking was pleasant and forestall the "I think I’ll brat because I want another one of those spankings" mindset.

Position matters. OTK spankings can often be pleasant for some no matter if they are mild or severe so using different positions can help send a message. Over a chair, sofa or stack of pillows where there is no touching between spanker and spankee can add heighten awareness to the physical pain because the emotional comfort of contact is not there. Ankle grab or diaper position can insure that not only is the contact just by implement, but also that the sensations are instilled deeper and more "lasting".

Being able to spank long enough and hard enough beyond the point of what could ever be viewed as pleasant can be a difficult hurdle to cross for an HOH who really doesn’t enjoy seeing his love feel pain. Knowing that it’s what she not only really needs but also really wants are the emotional keys for an HOH to get to the level of being able to provide a truly painful and memorable spanking. Be steadfast yet be prepared to hear, "can't we not do that?" and maybe even attempts to be bribed out of it. The only response to those things is a question: "Would you be able to repsect me if I changed my mind?"

Yet Another Memorable Spanking

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Had to Happen

Minx, the love of my life has not been feeling well for too long now. Well, part of it has been that she has been a bit under the weather, and part of it has been that she has known that she has earned a serious discipline session. One that even if she could get out of, never would consider doing.

It all started a week ago when there was the need for what should have been a quick simple spanking. Well, attitudes and timing were all wrong, the spanking did not go well and of course much of it was my fault as I do believe that it is the HOH's responsibility to make sure that the punishment is appropriate, timely and certain. However, her response to the needed spanking was somewhat disrespectful to say the least and we all know that has to be intollerable.

There were certain aspects of the spanking that Minx earned last week that were less than certain... However...She questioned the discipline... that can't happen. She resisted the discipline... again, that can't happen. However more seriously, she failed to properly submit and some of the things that happened actually would of, or could have... endangerd our relationship if one or both of us were less resiliant than we are.

The end result was that Minx just received what was perhaps the most severe, the most painful and the most long lasting spanking that she's ever had. It hurt me terribly to spank her so severly. I never want to have to giver her such a severe spanking again but I will NEVER hesitate to do so when it is the proper thing to do.

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.

Some Spanking Techniques

I can not proclaim myself as an expert, however what I compiled is the result of considerable reading of the thoughts and experiences of myself and others. Your mileage may vary, this isn't the only place to do reasearch. Ok, disclaimer out of the way.

There is no one right way to spank, there are however many wrong ways. Wrong way would be to weave erotic play into what is intended as a DD action. Another wrong way would be to injure, the beauty of the bottom… well actually there are many beauties of the bottom, but I digress. The beauty of the bottom is the ability to provide an attention getting memorable experience without permanent harm. The most important thing to remember is that it’s not the bottom that you are talking too, it’s all in the mind and the bottom is the conduit.

Clothing
Every couple may have their own preference for clothing during a spanking. Consider however the advantages of both the man and woman being fully clothed up until the moment the spanking begins. The core desire here is to keep this fully separate from erotic spanking. Many couples have dress code rules that specify skirts and dresses always unless permission is given otherwise. In day to day happenings she will always be aware that all it takes is a quick bend, lift of the skirt and tug of the panties to put her in her place. When she is ordered to hold up her skirt or pull down her own panties in preparation, the anticipation this brings is a powerful thing for the mind.

Position
One of the most important aspects of making the spanking effective is positioning. Positioning can and I believe should be different depending on just why she is being spanked.

Maitenance
My belief is that Maintenance Spanking should always start and finish over the lap or over the knee. It’s a natural position of submission and the closeness provides mental benefits for both of you. Most men will find that over the lap just doesn’t work very well, after a few minutes when her bottom starts to really light up she may start kicking her legs and even reaching back with her hands to stop the smacks. That can be very dangerous and you both could be injured. What works better is the classic over the knee position, also known as OTK. To do OTK she is laying over just one of your thighs, your other leg is wrapped on top of her legs holding them down and effectively preventing her from kicking or escaping. Her back is being held down with your free arm or, if you are right handed you are holding her right hand behind her back with your left hand. If she is fighting hold her wrist firmly, if she has submitted hold her hand, the closeness is enhanced and reinforces her submission.

Punishment
Punishment spankings can and probably should be a bit less personal at the start depending on just why she is being spanked. They should especially at the beginning, be much more formal, corner time is almost always a must before and between innings. You can build up the anticipation while she is in the corner, letting her hear the clatter of implements, calling out the minutes until the session begins, and providing calm scolding for the infraction that put her in this position. It’s also worth while at this time to mention to her that you really don’t want to do this and you would rather be doing something else, but she has forced you to do this.

For punishment you should consider more latitude for positioning, you of course must be comfortable. She doesn’t have to be comfortable and if she’s not, so much the better to a degree but she should be at least comfortable enough to not be distracted by the position. Her attention needs to be held by what’s happening to her bottom and not too distracted by the position. Bent over a chair or table, at the foot of the bed or even lying on the bed with her butt propped high on pillows are all good methods. The position can add a tinge of humiliation and that can be enhanced in several ways. Particularly useful if she got herself this spanking with arrogance or disrespect. If her bottom is propped on a stool or other firm item that won’t move, be aware that each smack will be much more powerful as there will be no give.

Impements
It should be noted that large or heavy paddles may pack quite a wallop and certainly get attention, but then bruise or if used with too much force actually to some serious damage. Be very careful, try some whacks on your own bare butt before introducing something new, know what you are using. If she is small in stature, petite or with a tiny-hiney feel where her pelvic bone is, avoid it and concentrate on those two pillow mounds. The best items to use by far are lighter things that may provide less impact but a world of sting.

The most natural implement is your hand.
Your hand also will feel the most personal to your significant other. Unfortunately your hand will most likely not be up to the task of giving her the proper spanking that she wants and needs. The first attempt at delivering a spanking will probably happen with you holding your hand firm and swinging as hard as you can. Well you’ll only be able to do that about for a dozen swings at the most. Doing so will make your hand sting more than her bottom and you’ll quickly lose interest in that. You can prolong the usefulness of your hand by using a limp wrist with your fingers open and relaxed.

Other items can vary greatly from the specialized paddles and floggers to the use of everyday items. The breadboard that hangs on the wall with the "Home Sweet Home", useable like a school paddle for a few smacks, certainly too massive and easy to overdo. However, every time it is seen, caught out of the corner of the eye, for days and even weeks after, the memory will return. Her hairbrush if its maybe 2 ½ by 4 inches, probably looks a bit small but if it’s shaped right, flat or with a small convex, capable of an intense sting. It’s obvious that her hairbrush will be a daily reminder. Remember that little toy you had as a child? The paddle with a ball at the end of an elastic string… very light weight… intense sting. Remember it’s not heavy pull for the fence swings, they will wear you both out way too soon. Try very rapid light smacks, they’ll feel like a sitting on a hornets nest.