How My Kinky History Led to My Spanking Desires

Early in the days when I began my blog about three years ago, I posted my history and how I initially became interested in adult spanking. I wasn’t comfortable leaving all of the ‘dirty detail’ information on the blog at the time. I believed that my ‘kinky’ background might have been too much of a distraction from what was becoming my all-encompassing interest in domestic discipline. I didn’t want it distracting from my sincere desire to pursue a DD lifestyle and to promote the benefits. Basically, I didn’t want anyone thinking that just because I’m a kinky bastard I thought up some plan to legitimize my beliefs.

Backpedal a few decades and my journey into the world of kink and fetish was probably seeded in my experience growing up in the 50s and 60s. Not unlike many of those times, as a child I would often find myself face being held to the cold black and yellow bathroom tile floor with my ass propped high in the air. Natually, while my ass was being filled with warm soapy water. Squirming and fighting just got me the extra discomfort and humiliation as my bare ass was spanked for squirming.

No, it was not and should not be considered abuse. That doesn’t mean that I condone young boys being given enemas and spanked on the bare ass by their MILF mothers today, times have changed.

However during the 50s and 60s it was very common for mothers to give their little boys (or girls) an enema for many reasons. Everything from tummy-ache to being moody qualified for, if not required a physic. “Oh, Myrtle… If that’s the way he’s acting you better give him an enema. Everyone does need one now and again so it certainly can’t hurt”.

One thing for sure in those days, whenever you claimed in the morning that you were too sick to go to school you could count on getting a good inner ass cleaning with lots of warm water and ivory soap. The other possible outcome was a visit from the doctor and then you would likely get a nice sore bump in the buttocks from the doctors oversized penicillin injection. Doctors weren’t afraid of overusing antibiotics in those days you know. Worse case which was more likely, you would get a warm soapy enema and then the doctor would come to the house (they did that in those days) and still give you a painful injection in your poor overworked butt. It’s just the way things were done in those days.

Of course then I had to play and experiment on my own in those days, and actually often did. Yes, I’ll admit it; Mr. Happy and his needs became a big part of the action. You see men have a prostate and often any form of anal stimulation gives a little boost to… well you know.

Well I think I’ve explained it to a degree, the inner desire of being dominated and forced to take an enema by a woman was always in the back of my mind. Whenever I felt comfortable enough to mention it with a potential partner, the usual response was that the idea was at least distasteful if not "Oh, that's disgusting". Besindes, it's not something that's easy to bring up, it’s just not one of those things that you can use to start a conversation. In fact he topic usually ended conversation not being the sort of thing you should mention to people you meet in a convenience store or at the typical church social. Hence my reluctance to be open about it and also why I pulled the information from my blog.

Fast forward a few decades from my childhood, I had spent 20 years married to a woman who at first claimed to want to experiment with things of kink to add some spice. That turned out to be nothing more than a lie. My hopes of ever being open and active with her with that part of my persona were dashed by comments like "I don't know how people could do that..." whenever I hinted at things.

Ok, so why did I crave having a woman give me enemas? Particularly I craved being told I was getting an enema if I wanted it or not. In fact especially if I didn’t want one. It just didn't make sense since I had been told by people that claim to know these things that I was an obvious Dominant. Well, it could be that I can ‘Switch’ and just might enjoy every aspect of such a potential D/s experience. After being separated, I made up my mind that I would never again settle for anyone who wasn’t willing to explore whatever mutual fantasies we had without being judgmental. The obvious conclusion was that my childhood memories had awakened my aparent need to be a submissive.

Several girlfriends later, one night I was talking on the phone with the latest potential victim of my need for sexual relief. The thing was, I was doing laundry. You see at that time I was Mr. Mom and doing laundry was just one of those chores that I had a tendency to put off. The incentive that I gave myself to do laundry was simple; I would permit myself a martini per load of wash. After several loads of wash it was not uncommon for me to wake up and wonder what happened to my clothes. Not an uncommon side effect of martini consumption I understand, but I digress.

Well, feeling loose tongued and not really giving a shit if I scared her off… I dropped the big one and told her that I had always had a kinky interest in being given enemas. I fully expected to hear a click on the other end of the phone line. Nope, she told me it was one of her favorite activities. Actually I should have known, she’s an RN and there’s no doubt about it, RNs are kinky. Let the games begin!

The RN adventure was certainly interesting, neither one of us were really sure if we were Dom, sub or Switch so we played every which way we could trying to find out with "Screw the Roses, Bring Me The Thorns". One of the other activities that we explored was spanking. That’s when I found out that I really do enjoy having a woman laying over my lap getting a good sound spanking. That was also when I found out that I don’t enjoy getting a spanking quite as much as I enjoying giving one. There’s that certain aspect about getting a spanking that always comes up just after going over a knee. When the first fews smacks land then all of a sudden the brain feels the sting, instantly you wonder why you ever thought you enjoyed being spanked.

Once I had this new adult spanking experience it became all I could think of and I wanted more. Naturally I started searching the Internet for as much spanking information as I could find. When I found ‘Fondly and Firmly” I had an epiphany. Immediately I realized that the reason my marriage had failed was because I never gave X the thing that she needed most, a good spanking.

Having discovered the world of Domestic Discipline I joined a few groups and forums and before long I was IMing with a woman who lived a few states away who had the same sort of desires. We spent hours on the phone and became pretty close and shared our thoughts on how Domestic Discipline could or should work. Just as with the RN she shared a kinky enema thing so naturally conversation became even easier for us. With her help I decided to put my DD thoughts to the Internet and created my “How to Tell Your Thick Headed Hubby” blog post. She was an accomplished blogger at the time and encouraged me. Since, she has had some very difficult times and her blog is long gone.

The primary direction for the essay was ‘for a guy, from a guy’ since it appeared from many of the DD and general spanking forum posts that I read, women found it difficult to vocalize to their boyfriends or husbands just what it was that they wanted.

My blog post began to get some attention and it wasn’t long before I received a few comments from women who said that they printed out my “Thick Headed Hubby” essay and it made it easier to convince their husbands just what they really wanted and needed.

There it is!

That's how I began blogging about Domestic Discipline. Naturally several days ago when Minx spanked me and then slipped a Fleet enema into my ass, I began thinking about all of these things again and I decided to get over it, and re-post my background for my readers to know.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

Being the typical non-typical DD couple things can get interesting around here sometimes. Of course we have the same problem that a lot of couples have, an almost perpetual lack of privacy. We might have changed that slightly, time will tell…

Today was the first day of a new schedule where I think I’ve managed to get things coordinated so that we actually have at least an hour and perhaps as much as two hours or privacy per day.

Well, we did have some privacy over the weekend and it did give me the chance to give Minx a pretty good spanking. She has needed a spanking for a while. Not so much for anything other than stress relief and just to reinforcing discipline a bit, she has been very good.

Minx also had the chance to try to spank me, but that didn’t go too well being the wimp that I am. I chickened out part way into it and got away from her which of course pissed her off a bit. It’s not easy for Minx to spank me; it’s just not her thing. Minx is much more comfortable being the spankee but she does try to cater to my cravings on occasion and if the need should happen to arrive, she has no problem at all giving me a punishment spanking. However, when I need a stress relief spanking, it’s not at all easy for her. There’s that role reversal thing, but also I’m much harder to hold in position when I start squirming and kicking as happened over the weekend.

Well, today our private time came to fruition and I had every intention to rebuild Minx’s leather butt. Since it’s been a while since she’s had regular spankings the spanking she got over the weekend was difficult for her re-virigned bottom. Being the caring HOH that I am, I planned on putting some regularity back into her spankings so it would be easier for her to take a good long spanking. You spankos out there know what I mean, if it’s been a while, it takes a while before you build up ‘leather butt’ tolerance again. Well, that was not to be.

I walked into the house and asked her if she was ready to get her leather butt rebuilt… however she said, “No, it’s your turn”.

Well, I hadn’t been too cooperative when she tried to spank me over the weekend so I suppose I knew it was coming so of course I complied. Minx told me to go pick out some implements…. Don’t you hate that?

I opened the toy drawer and looked, I knew that I would not be able to get away with a wimpy selection so I didn't try. I picked out the wicked hairbrush paddle, the sawed off bamboo bath brush, the Reb's OTK paddle with holes and the The London Tanners Domestic Discipline Strap. Minx approved, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice but to pick the ones that I hate since I hadn’t been cooperative for the last spanking.

Minx gave the quick simple order… “Drop ‘em”. I did.

There’s something that’s both intimidating and exciting about standing there with your pants at your ankle while your lady is picking up a paddle. Naturally, Mr. Happy was doing his best to embarrass me standing at full attention which of course Minx made some comments along the lines of ‘looks like he wants a spanking too’ and made some light contact.

When I first climbed over her knee, Mr. Happy was making things a little uncomfortable before he was properly positioned. Minx started with her bare hand, which felt, very comfortable and relaxing. Of course her bare hand didn’t last long enough, the sting had been light and actually somewhat comforting. Mr, Happy didn't stay around to find out though.

When I’m on the receiving end once the spanking starts I usually can’t tell what I’m being spanked with unless she tells me. She did a very good job of keeping me just slightly beyond the edge of what I can tolerate. You know, any lighter and you can take it, but just hard enough to keep you from ignoring it while you squirm and stress and have to work at staying in place. Then of course it had to happen, time to pay for not cooperating for the last spanking. Those hard heavy spanks that make you dig your fingernails into your palms and stress to stay in place.

I believe that the next round was from the Rebs OTK paddle and she kept me right on the edge with it. Then a few rounds with the DD strap and and paddles again. It was really getting hard to stay in place but I didn't want any more hard heavy full swing ones.

In between rounds of implements Minx rubs and comforts for a few seconds (always too few) which of course is wonderful. Then after a particularly hard to take round with what I think was the Bamboo Bath Brush she was rubbing my bottom and next I felt her spread my cheeks. I felt something slide into my ass and I realized what she was doing, Minx was giving me a Fleet enema.

“There, now you’ll be able to enjoy your sore bottom on a nice hard seat for a while”

She said it with a little bit of a happy accomplished tone. That wasn’t the end of it of course, but it was the end of the unbearable pain from that point on as I had another thing to keep my mind occupied. The combination of the spanking that so far I had endured along with that bit of anal stimulation and caress just made the sting disapear and all of me was enjoying the continued contact.

Minx continued to spank and she spanked hard but from that point on ,I just wanted more. She asked me a couple of times if I had to go yet, I could have but I didn't want to, I wanted to feel more and put off going to expell as long as I could.

Odd isn't it.

Now, I’m probably more relaxed than I’ve been in a while, maybe tomorrow will be her turn.

Shut Up and Spank

I was just reading a post at Finding Sara about the issue of Consensual Non-consent. It’s one of those things that apparently many of us who practice a form of DD have decided on. Basically, the short version for us, is Minx has consented to be spanked whenever and however I feel she deserves it, and she can not refuse the spanking. With where we are now it’s a two way street. I too will accept a spanking from Minx if she feels I need it and here is the tricky part, there is no safe word. Sara did a very good job of describing the circumstances so I won’t rehash it in detail but there have been times when we’ve had to put DD on hold while we decided if this is really what we wanted. Just yesterday it looked like one of those times was upon us.

It wasn't during a punishment spanking since Minx has been very good lately. It was just your every day run of the mill kind of a combination stress relief and reinforce discipline spanking. The spanking wasn't very hard but it was rather long as that sometimes helps Minx get to a release, maybe a little bit of DD’ish subspace. I was sitting in a folding chair and Minx's was OTK and all the way down with her butt presented perfectly... If it had been punishment with faster and harder strokes the position would have certainly have left an "impression"... but it wasn't. Suddenly she yelled out "Stop torturing me!"

It's been awhile, so my first reaction was that we must be at one of those consent quandaries. Well of course I stopped right away, stood her up and we talked... It seems what was bothering her wasn't the paddle, but my questions! She wanted me to just shut the hell up and spank.

First time THAT has happened

Punish a Spanko With a Spanking

Often people post on message boards that they are in a TIH or DD relationship and they wonder that if they are going to be true to the concept... How can a spanking be a punishment for a spanko?

Sometimes people look for alternative punishments that don’t involve spanking. There have only been a couple of non-spanking punishments that I have given Minx. One involved no CDs for her far too long ride to work, no TV and early bed-time. Well, that’s fine too if it works but there isn’t any reason why a spanking can’t be a punishment for someone who loves spankings. Even for a woman who finds spanking erotic (Minx), a punishment spanking takes on an entirely new dimension and is not anticipated with pleasure so yes, it can be viewed as potentially truly effective punishment.

Waiting for an earned punishment spanking and the knowledge that the earned spanking will be with evil implements instead of 'yummy' ones will completely change the entire dynamic. For some, sometimes corner time before a spanking might be the method but actually there is no reason why it can't be "tomorrow night" or whenever the HOH decides. Waiting also of course helps insure the punishment will not given while still angry.

Everyone does (or should) have in their collection several implements that garner the response "what was I thinking when I bought that thing". You know, the implements that she threatens to at least hide if not burn. We have our power toys and of course our cane-iac products. Our power toys can be used all the time but when they are used with "umph", proper position or long duration they become totally wicked and certainly scary.

Intensity, a truly painful spanking that will leave her "remembering" it for days every time she walks or sits, once experienced won’t be craved. This is a bit tricky because a spanking that leaves a memory for a few days can be yummy and exciting every time it’s felt. However, if the memory was of a truly unpleasant spanking the dynamic changes.

Multiple spankings can be a strong deterrent. Knowing that tomorrow morning's spanking will on a bottom that will be on a still, far too sore bottom takes away any craving value.

Aftercare should never be ignored and being able to say "It’s all over" should be the words she always hears at "first hug". However "every thing’s forgiven" the most powerful words in any kind of relationship should only be after the last spanking if multiples are assigned. Not hearing those keywords can avert any belief that the spanking was pleasant and forestall the "I think I’ll brat because I want another one of those spankings" mindset.

Position matters. OTK spankings can often be pleasant for some no matter if they are mild or severe so using different positions can help send a message. Over a chair, sofa or stack of pillows where there is no touching between spanker and spankee can add heighten awareness to the physical pain because the emotional comfort of contact is not there. Ankle grab or diaper position can insure that not only is the contact just by implement, but also that the sensations are instilled deeper and more "lasting".

Being able to spank long enough and hard enough beyond the point of what could ever be viewed as pleasant can be a difficult hurdle to cross for an HOH who really doesn’t enjoy seeing his love feel pain. Knowing that it’s what she not only really needs but also really wants are the emotional keys for an HOH to get to the level of being able to provide a truly painful and memorable spanking. Be steadfast yet be prepared to hear, "can't we not do that?" and maybe even attempts to be bribed out of it. The only response to those things is a question: "Would you be able to repsect me if I changed my mind?"

Mea Culpa

Kinda weird, yeah...

Well, Minx and I can't really always talk since there is the shift thing... So, dear reader... You are privy to see some first person communication between Minx and I !

We haven’t ironed out all of the specifics it will take quite some time I’m sure, but we do have a unique DD relationship since I happen to be a switch.

Sexuality can and does play into such relationships where it isn’t just one partner who could find themselves with a tender bottom. Yes, spanking in spite of the painful discipline aspect can be, and most certainly is an erotic experience. Giving control to someone you love is just one of those things… or having control taken by the one you love… same thing.

So, that means that Minx on many more than one occasion has managed to spank my bottom tender. No, she doesn’t have it down perfect yet, but she has gotten much, much more effective each time she has spanked me. If I have to crawl over her lap I do know for a fact that by the time it is over I will have a very hot sore bottom. In fact it’s gotten to the point where yes, sexually it is exciting to think that she can (and will) do it, but on the other hand it’s far some something that I would actually look forward too. Of course, she has had some of her best tutoring at me knee. She has learned how to spank very hard, very long and very effectively and we don’t really know what it is, perhaps a little bit of switch in her persona. Or, just the idea of being the wonderful submissive that she is, she is somehow getting into the roll and liking it as if I’m topping from the bottom. Butt, she is liking the idea of turning my bottom red and purple, perhaps a little too much.

Things have been a bit difficult for Minx and I for the past few weeks. I was sick, she had a business trip, privacy has been at a premium and this past week one of my sons broke a bone and needed surgery. So, it’s been hard to pay attention to one another and hard to have any time at all to ourselves.

Additionaly, it's not always easy for her to see how much she lights up my life when she walks in the room. You see, I've found my perfect love. How do I identify Minx as my perfect love? Two words, actually a name... Ronald Reagan. Yeah, I'm a Red State kind of guy and Ronny can in many ways be my hero. However it's the love of Nancy Reagan that I wish to speak about. Ronald Reagan was in the White House and his aide was at his side. Nancy came in to see him and they talked and kissed and she then left the room. Ronny watched her leave and then turned to his aide and said " She is the only person in the world who can make me feel lonely, just by leaving the room.". He was in love, really in love with Nancy. I always hoped I could find a woman like that. Praise te Lord and pass the amunition... that lady is Minx.

Well sorry to say, Minx it turns out has been pissed at me and getting more pissed by the day and the hour. Yeah, I’m a guy so at times I do bark a bit in spite of my best efforts to be patient and remain in control of my mood. Well, poor Minx, she hasn’t been taking it well. The result has been that she hasn’t felt that she could talk to me and she has thought that anytime I’m not happy and smiling it must be because I’m upset with her. Well that’s certainly not true. Still, I felt quite a bit guilty about it and of all things, she decided that I needed my bottom heated because of it. Ok, well… Yes Mam. I of course fell into super apologetic mode and became perfectly willing to jump over to my submissive side, because I must have caused this problem for this wonderful woman that I love so much.

Well, back to the scenario of not having the perfect time and privacy for each other. So, I told her that I would do something about it and make sure she could take care of things. We need more quiet implements. My once almost scary rattan cane broke to about a 20" stubby, perhaps a bit of a OTK cane but certainly not scary quiet welt maker. "Minx, we need some quiet devices. I’m going to make a Loopy Johnny so you can tear my poor guilty butt apart and turn it into red and purple Jell-O and me into a quivering mass of guilty remorse". Well I did say something like that, although perhaps I didn’t use those exact words but she got the idea and so do you.

So, I did it. I made a rather formidable loopy and quite frankly I have absolutely no desire to feel it’s bite on my poor bottom. I tried it on my thigh and it has no allure for my somewhat nervous ass. The handle has to be about 12 or 14" long and for the business end, I put the leftover from a bungee cord that unwillingly gave it’s life for this device. I did make sure that it would stay put, I taped the bungee to the end of the handle (which I notched for the cord) and then poured a bunch of super glue into the attachment to make sure that no matter how hard the little bugger ripped my quivering butt it could still survive and rip more butt. Oh, and then I found the remnants of an old fishing rod in the cellar and placed the two together on top of the dresser for her to use as best she saw fit. That effin fishing rod BTW is one wicked welt maker… We’re talking no sit for a week kind of thing.

So, all sorts of wicked tools are available at Minx’s hand for her to use on my poor doomed butt. What happened? Nothing. Yeah, and now I’ve decided that things have to go the other way… Minx is the one who needs to be spanked.

Here’s the thing. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too short with her. Maybe I was just too insensitive for her needs. Well, I went almost an entire day of doing the Mea Culpa thing… Then, well… If and when you are wrong and you are willing to accept responsibility and consequences for any possible wrongdoing…. That’s wonderful. However, your Mea Culpa needs to be accepted and eventually you need to be forgiven.

That did not happen.

Imagine me, trying to be submissive (as best I can) an almost sometimes Dom that I am, and asking for forgiveness… and not getting it. Uh, hello… how do you spell mistake and where was it made?

Ok, that went on for a while… times up.

Well Miss Minx…

You had the chance to forgive me as I would do in a heart beat for you… Butt, since you did not… Now, I think maybe, you were playing it for whatever it was worth. I think that maybe you were wondering concisely or not just what this role thing might do for you and I think that to a degree you were playing it for what it was worth and wondering. Nope, PMS is not an excuse. We needed to rest our heads on the pillow with things resolved, and that didn’t happen. Now, I’ve jumped back and I’m in HOH mode.

I’m just a little upset little lady.

Real or imagined, whatever has kept you from feeling open to me and not able to talk to me has done some damage and I will NOT let our relationship be damaged. Our relationship won’t be damaged by me and not by you… and certainly not by some sort of wall that I’m more than capable of, and willing to make endless efforts to tear down.

You, young lady will be getting a toasty warm bottom, you will not now or ever take advantage of my willingness to accept that maybe I did something wrong, then play it against us. Ok, maybe you did not, maybe you did but didn’t know it would have these consequences so maybe the sound spanking that you will be getting isn’t really fair in your mind. Well, it can’t always be fair and you do know that. However one way or another I will put an end to it, when it is done everyone and everything will be forgiven, period.

For one reason more than any other,

I love you sweetie...

Well, yeah back to the concept that you readers will know this as soon or sooner than Minx sees it. Yeah, who knows how she will read this. Butt, by the times she reads this the alarm will have gone off, she will have had a cup of coffee... So, before she leaves for work she will either come back into the bedroom and throw her cup of coffee on me, or... give me a hug and tell me she loves me too.

I'm betting on the latter.

Oh, BTW little lady, submission and maintenance spankings are back on as soon as, and whenever I see fit that they are needed, period.

Oh, Considering the season....
Mary Kate Danerher...
Do you go for it?

It's Not About the Cuffs

From the perspective of consenting adults who wish to practice DD, it’s very disturbing when one realizes that often those who crave to give up control to a would-be Head of Household have the potential to be blinded by their desires. Someone who has never been spanked as an adult, yet craves to give the authority for discipline to another becomes very vulnerable and can quickly become a victim of the uncertainty of her desires. Especially when it’s considered that often the would-be spankee believes that what they are looking for is a strong dominant person. Unfortunately they just may find a very strong dominant person or worse, an inexperienced dominant person and then have aspects of D/s play introduced.

There are far more people with D/s experience than there are with DD experience and knowledge cruising the pages and groups of the internet. It’s very easy for someone who wants to find a Head of Household to instead find a Dom. Consequently the would-be spankee in her haste to find relief for these cravings that she feels, willingly accepts that this must be part of what it is that she wants. The encounter can quickly digress to a very unfortunate and disappointing experience. I’m not trying to say that a Dom can’t be part of a wonderful fulfilling experience within the boundaries of a lifestyle of domestic discipline. In fact I believe it’s even possible for a woman to be submissive to her HOH under their chosen lifestyle of LDD and then have what would appear to be a completely different sexual role as a dominant behind the more intimate closed doors of the couple’s sex life with aspects of BDSM play.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with BDSM play. In fact, I can’t help but imagine that many couples who do have a very rewarding LDD lifestyle, do when the mood strikes them practice various aspects of BDSM play. The most important ingredient of such play is the fact that when safely practiced both, or all participants have an excellent understanding of just what is going to happen and that often such play is well choreographed to insure that nothing is left to chance when it comes to safety. The relentless mantra of those with extensive experience with BDSM is Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Yes, spanking can and does invoke some very powerful sexual sensations. However I believe that often what a woman may wish for is a more traditional lifestyle where she can freely choose to give her HOH the authority to discipline her for things that she wishes to be held accountable. Time and again she may have been upset with herself with some of her actions or in-actions and she does not want that to happen again. She wants to be encouraged to meet her own goals. Something of a paradox but none the less real, what is often actually happening here is the woman is choosing her own form of encouragement and that aspect is not sexual. She is looking for a different kind of strength that is not physical. Those base traits of character, integrity and consistency are the strengths that become key to LDD on any level, are also the keys to developing the LDD mantra of Communication and Trust. The fact that her HOH has risen to and accepted the role and has proven to be of strong enough character to do so with consistency and fairness can however act as a very strong emotional and sexual stimulant.

Five Lies Women Tell Themselves

Wow, what an epiphany.

Guys... Wake up and smell the coffee!!!.

The woman in you life may very well want to tell you things... Things that she wants to do... Special things that may fulfill her fantasies. She needs you to have an open mind....

Here's the scoop:

I've spoken with more than one lady who has found her way into the world of DD through D/s or BDSM. In fact I've spoken with, or had LONG involved IM discussions with women who:

1) She’s was sure that you would NEVER agree to spank her.

2) She’s sure that you are SO square that if you heard her fantasies you would call a lawyer to find out how you could have her committed

3) She’s convinced that you'll never understand that SHE HAS FANTASIES TOO !!!! (because she doesn't know you have them).

4) She thinks that you would never let her try to find your 'G' spot. (Yes, you have one too)

5) That all you want is a quick lay or a nice BJ... and a cold beer... Well, you do!!! But more is nice too... but they she doesn’t know that.


These poor women just don't understand that we guys do have more than a passing interest in sex. The poor things think we just want to pump out a kid or two, get a nice BJ now and then and call it a day. The poor thing just doesn’t realize that we might actually be willing to climb into bed with both her and her fabulously large breasted best friend along with a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Yo...
(I'm from Philly)

For GOD sake tell her you like sex!!!

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.

Loving Domestic Discipline v2

The thought of an LDD, Loving Domestic Discipline relationship has captured me. I've come to the conclusion that I will never again settle for anything less in a relationship. It's what I seek, it's what I crave and the only way I will ever have the perfect love.

I'm certainly not the only person with this opinion, in fact I'm more amazed every day as I find out about more and more people who are "de-lurking" and "coming out". I read a number of blogs about LDD on a regular basis and some message boards such as Spanking Classics Story Board and on a regular basis there are a number of people who sign on and say they've been reading for some time (lurking) and they've finally decided to join the board and take part in the discussion. They often say they have just started, or wish they could start a DD relationship with their spouse. Additionally there are people who sign on and say they and their spouse have been practicing a DD relationship for years. Who ever knew.

See also: How to Tell Your Thick Headed Husband

How to Tell Your Thick Headed Husband

I've spent a lot of time reading everything I can find on LDD or Taken in Hand relationships. I've read a lot of posts by women who are frustrated and don't know how to tell their SO what it is that they want and crave.

So,
I decided to write a little Domestic Discipline "Primer" from a guy to guys that a woman could copy, edit and print off. Then place it under his coffee mug some morning....

No, better place it on top of the mug otherwise he might not see it. Then, all the needy lady has to do is place a nice hairbrush or other scary implement on his pillow or dresser and patiently wait for the fireworks to start.

So here is: Loving DD

The reason you are reading this is because the woman in your life has something to tell you that she doesn’t know how to vocalize. How can that be? For as long as you’ve known her, she certainly has never before been at a loss of words. Well this subject can be sensitive, she doesn’t know how you will react or what you will think of her.

She wants to change the doubt that she has for this and any other subject, she wants to build a firm foundation of trust and communication for not only this subject but for all subjects so she can know that she can talk to you about anything. Ok, this is already starting to sound like it’s going to be a major pain in the butt, well it will be a lot of work and require a major time commitment for both of you. Let me assure you, it certainly will be a major pain in the butt, the good news it won’t be your butt.

A Strong Woman
Your lady is probably a strong confident woman of character, perhaps well educated but none the less she just about always knows what she wants and seldom if ever hesitates to do whatever is necessary. If she works outside the home she may hold a position of authority with responsibilities that she handles skillfully and or charge of a number of employees.

So how can it be that a woman who may be strong in so many ways has such a difficult time letting you know what she really wants you to now do?

Because, there are sometimes things she doesn’t want to be strong about, at least without your help. There’s something that she wants you to do instead… she wants you to take a more active part in your relationship. She wants you to hold her accountable for her safety, attitude and responsibilities. She's asking for your help.

If she endangers herself, or anyone else for that matter by doing something foolish like driving home after having too many cocktails with her girlfriends… Well, she wants you to take action that will prevent her from ever doing it again!

If she was moody, rude, or down right bitchy to you, or for that matter anyone… Well she wants you to take action that will make her think twice next time before opening her mouth and inserting foot.

If she kept putting off writing the check for the credit card and now it’s late… Well she wants you to take action that will make her want to get those things done that she knows she has to do. She wants you to accept the responsibility of holding her accountable and teach her a lesson that she will be able to remember for a long, long time.

There are other things too.
The next time you two argue, she wants you to put your foot down and lay down the law that there won’t be any more arguing.

She wants you to say "That will be quite enough, we’ll talk about this later when cooler heads prevail!".

She doesn’t want you to make a major decision without her input or agreement, but she does want you to take control of the debate when it’s in danger of being an argument. She wants you to take action. No stupid, not action on the subject, action on the method of conversation.

If she should fail to respect your decision that it wasn’t a conversation, if she doesn’t accept and respect your opinion that no progress was being made, just the same points being berated and restated in louder volumes. If she fails to respect you in any manner during the incident she wants you to take action so that she’ll never do that again. If she does ever forget in the future, she wants to know that you will not tolerate it without consequences.

You see she’s not asking you to make her decisions for her, she’s looking for emotional support and a somewhat constant reinforcement of care and love with your consistent involvement in how you communicate. Now go back and reread this paragraph at least three times, and take notes… no hi-liter on the monitor please.

Why does she want these things?Because as a woman the most sensual and powerful attractant that draws her to you as her man is her respect for you.

No, forget it, it’s not your pride and joy swinging between your legs, she would happily settle for a less endowed man if there is such a thing. It’s not your magical fingers that she enjoys so much. No, it’s not those things that you do with your tongue either. All those things are icing, the real cake is the leadership that you can, or rightfully should provide her as a man. She wants to respect you. She also wants you to respect her, but you already knew that, she’s probably screamed it at you a hundred times.

The good news here if you so choose, you can take action to insure that she never screams at you again, well she might, once.

What brings these things out in a woman?
Simple, if you didn’t notice she’s different from you. No, not just those spots. She thinks differently than you do. Much of what goes on in her mind can become a mix of uncontrollable emotions that build up to an intolerable level, she’s not happy, she might be confused, she wants you to help her.

She does know what she wants, she wants to let all of it go with a good cry. She wants to be leaning on your shoulder, telling you everything, sobbing and clearing her head and heart of all the pent up emotions and unsaid things.

Having you listen, having you forgiver her, having you tell her it will all be alright. In other words dim-wit… she wants you to spank her.

No, not sensual play although she might like that too. She wants a real old fashioned over the knee, you’re going to remember this for a long, long time and never do it again butt stinging, bottom throbbing cheek burning spanking.

However before you even think about giving her what she wants and needs you really do need to know how to do it right. No, you do not. Pay attention and do some other research elsewhere too. If you do it wrong, it will make things much worse and you’ll never be able to explain it to the domestic relations people.

Now you have to be asking yourself why in the world would a woman who you’ve committed to protecting want you to cause her pain?
Well, she doesn’t really want you to cause her pain, she doesn’t want to be hurt at all. In fact if you do it properly she will be kicking, crying, screaming and begging you to stop, but you can not. She knows it’s going to be painful for her and an experience that she in fact really doesn’t want to have.

She does however know that it does have to happen for the sake of the relationship. She knows that her sore bottom will bring a rush of tears and eventually a flood of emotions out that will give her a much needed release. Ultimately she will gain a new found respect for the man who loves her enough to spank her for her own good and the good of your relationship.

What is all this?
It doesn’t really matter what name you give it though this is commonly known as Loving Domestic Discipline, often just called LDD or DD. It borrows some terms and methods from BDSM, but that’s about where the connection ends. There are limitless variations and some refer to it as being "Taken in Hand" or TIH. Often associated with the Queen’s English way of referring to these actions, such as "Her husband’s reacted to the incident when he promptly took matters in hand". Many believe that there are both subtle and strong difference between LDD and TIH, but I won’t have that discussion here.

There are also many faith based participants who may refer to themselves as practicing Christian Domestic Discipline. Why not pick up the bible and check out Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 21 onward. Some call it a Traditional Marriage, that’s right just like Ricky taking Lucy over his knee for being irresponsible or John Wayne giving Maureen O’Hara a well deserved attitude adjustment.

What is it not?
As you read the hundreds of works available on the Internet you will likely find hundreds of opinions on this. Whatever it’s worth, this really is not a licensed subsidiary of BDSM. You may or may not have had experience with BDSM, it really is a very large, broad label that covers what seams to be a limitless number of activities.

For many, BDSM often involves pleasure gained by giving discipline or being disciplined, binding or being bound, enjoying the heightened pleasure brought on by the flow of endorphins usually in response to pain. Arousal from getting or giving power, authority or pain, it doesn’t need a reason other than exploring the mutual desires of the participants.Often BDSM is role play or exploring fantasies that work toward the goal of satisfying a fetish or even just heightened sexual pleasure.

The goal of Loving DD is not the pursuit of the next orgasm, the goal and attainable result of LDD is a stronger relationship between you and your partner. Many couples after discipline do actually find themselves moving to the bedroom but the heightened sexual desire that your mate will likely display is the result of the stronger sense of security and from receiving you after-care.

Properly delivered, after an effective spanking she will be crying profusely but craving your embrace.
The craving for a sense of security from your leadership and approval drives her need. As a man your natural instinct is to spread your seed, as a woman her basic instinct compels her to a man who she believes to be strong enough to protect both her and her family.

That doesn’t mean that you and your partner can’t weave in certain aspects of BDSM into TTWD (This Thing We Do). That is of course completely up to each couple just how, when, where and the why incidents or actions require attention. Many couple who practice DD insist that there be no aspect of sexual play before or after Punishment or Discipline spankings. Every couple is different and your mileage may vary, you need to discuss these items and what expectations you each may have in detail.

Spanko
Could it be that the reason my woman wants to be spanked is that she just gets some kinky pleasure from being spanked? Well in all honesty, maybe.

Some women and some men do derive sexual excitement at the thought of being spanked. But if that’s all she wanted, that’s all she would have asked for.

This certainly didn't happen overnight. She may very well have been harboring fantasies of being taken and being spanked by a strong man for decades. Or, this may have been a recent discovery from something she may have read on the Internet, but still not an overnight impulsive awakening. She has probably lied awake at night for hours trying to imagine how she could even begin a conversation with you about this subject. There are many stigmas that are attached to spanking, consider forgetting them all and remember this woman loves you and wants your relationship to not only survive but grow ever stronger.

Surveys have suggested that possibly as much as 40% of adults in the United States practice some sort of consensual spanking activity in the privacy of their homes. There are many variations from light butt slaps during sex play to what could be described as nothing less than the infliction of intense pain.

No matter what, she probably will be sexually aroused by the thought of you spanking her. Many women who actively practice a DD lifestyle with their mate report that the thought of their significant other taking action is what excites them, not the pain.

The bottom line so to speak, she has opened her heart to you. This likely is her deepest most precious secret and the only reason she has revealed this all to you is because she has an intense love for you and wants to open those secrets to you. She wants to trust you knowing that no matter what you won't laugh, you will listen.

Rules and Contracts
Some couples write out formal contracts that are always subject to revision, others establish a list of boundaries or simple rules and consequences. You must jointly decide how you establish rules and consequences, it’s her responsibility to obey them and it’s your responsibility to enforce the consequences with consistency and fairness.

How to Spank OTK (Over the Knee) 
Schedule some private time where you can practice and exchange feelings and thoughts. Discuss basic rules and how they need to be enforced. Plan for that private time to include an actual practice spanking, take your time and discuss all reactions.She probably knows exactly how it has to happen, and could very well be hiding implements that she's been collecting that she imagines you will possibly spank her with.

However, the most effective implement that you need to learn how to use first, is your bare hand. If you start off tyring to smack her ass with your bare hand as hard as you can... Your hand will only last about five or six smacks before it's more sore than her ass.

Find a nice chair or edge of the bed and have a comfortable seat if you're going to make her seat uncomfortable. Lead her over your lap and rub your target, telling her you love her and that's why she's going to be spanked.

Start off slow and light, build a rhythm and use a loose floppy wrist and fingers. Before too long her ass will start to burn warm from the sting. She'll likely try to reach back to protect her poor vulnerable ass as the spanking begins to become effective; Don't let her, one of you will end up with broken fingers that way. Hold her wrist into the shallow of her back which will likely force her ass up for better target access.

Progress in stages with breaks to rest your hand. Your comfort is paramount if the spanking is going to last long enough to be effective. Her comfort isn't quite as important, but she can't be so uncomfortable as to be distracted. The spanking needs to be the only thing that should be on her mind besides the actions that got her in this position.

For the second inning lift her dress or pull down her pants leaving only her thin panties for protection. Then, perhaps for the third inning, pull down her panties far enough to frame your target and give you an unfettered view of your handiwork.

Sooner or later her legs will begin to kick rather furiously, swing your free leg over both of hers to insure she stays put for all the action you have planned.

Remember, you are not spanking her ass, you are spanking her brain. Her ass is nothing more than a very effective conduit to the brain... Scold.

Scold effectively and not in a condescending fashion; Scold honestly without embellishment so keep it real and not contrived otherwise it's just role play and she didn't ask for that.

Pay attention now, this is important, consider this a sport and that you need to practice. Assume that you will not start until you know all the plays and all the rules.Some important rules you two need to discuss:

• Never spank her while you are angry... Think corner time, or tomorrow.
• Never, ever let alcohol cloud your senses (or other diversions) when there will be a punishment spanking
• Never spank with an implement you're not familiar with
• Never spank without being completely aware of her reactions... Lights on!
• Never spank when you are not capable of forgiveness.
• Never spank without her knowing why
• Never spank without her full consent, use a "Safe Word" or at least a "Health Word"
• Never spank without knowing she agrees it's deserved and you're right to do so.
• Never spank above the hip.

Keep in mind that most women (and men) who want Domestic Discipline in their relationship have a paradox in their brains with two basic concerns:

• Her first major concern is that you won't be willing or able to spank her long enough and hard enough enough to bring her to tears and give her a life changing cathartic experience.
• Her second major concern is that you will be willing and able to spank her long enough and hard enough enough to bring her to tears and give her a life changing cathartic experience

So, keep in mind she may be both craving and afraid of a spanking that will leave her bottom sore and tender for hours and possibly even sore for days. You can't start off that way though. If that's what she's craving you need to work toward those possibly more severe spankings gradually. She, and you may want her bottom to be intensely sore, but you must never hurt her. She wants this and it scares her, she doesn't want to experience this from you, she wants to experience this with you.

There might be times she refuses to be spanked, that's ok, it's her right to revoke your spanking permit. If this should happen she will have to decide if DD is what she really wanted all along and if so, under what context and rules. There's nothing wrong with taking s break.

Why spanking?
There may very well be times that you don’t even have to spank your partner if that’s what’s right for you and your partner at the time.

Many couples integrate other forms of punishment into their LDD relationship. Restriction of privileges or writing lines are other popular punishments, they won’t bring the instant rush of tears that a good spanking will. They will however remind her of your authority, the authority that she freely and willingly gives you. Remember that behavior is not in the butt, the butt is simply a very effective conduit to the brain. The required submission, humiliation and sting of a spanking are all pointed at the brain.

Fairness and Consistency
Trust and Communication are absolutely paramount as you move together to this lifestyle.

This isn’t a one way street, it happens with her consent. That’s right, she’s giving you permission to control her behavior, and she has the right to revoke it at any time. That’s not likely to happen unless you fail to do your job properly and that’s with fairness and consistency.

As you begin to research this topic you will notice that many women who are in DD relationships have one basic need from their HOH (Head of Household, that’s you sport) and it’s consistency,

I can not stress that enough. You just can not spank her bottom one time and the next time the same thing happens say "we’ll just let it go this time". You may be thinking that you want to let it go because you’re just too tired to do anything about it right now. You can not ever do that, because she’ll be thinking you just don’t care enough to do anything about it or put enough effort into protecting your relationship
.
Gotta Listen.
Keep the talk going all the time, don’t try to provide solutions during conversation, probe and when she says something ask her what that means to her. Men when presented with a point by a woman immediately try to think of a solution. Guess what guy, she doesn’t want you to solve all her dilemmas, but she does want you to hear them and understand them from her perspective. You’ll certainly need to learn to tell the difference, the answer won’t always be trip over your knee, often the answer is simple empathic listening.

So who holds you responsible?
You do, you will have to live your life to a higher standard.

Put the Donald Duck jamies out with the next yard sale and grow up. It’s time to let go of ol’ Teddy, it’s time to be a man there big guy. What if you make a mistake? Don’t make it again. You are allowed to make mistakes if you can learn from them. That’s the whole point, we are all human, the difference is that as a man you need to make sure that you always learn from your mistakes. As a woman your partner needs to know that she too has to learn from her mistakes and needs to know that if she doesn’t learn, you will not hesitate to hold her accountable.

Doesn’t seem fair does it?
Well for a very few couples it’s not.

The man just might find himself over his ladies knee someday too. Stop grinning, if you are one of those couples you just might find yourself unable to walk or sit comfortably for a day or two… or more.

Bouncing around on the Internet you are likely to find a thing called "The Spencer Plan", not sure if it’s real or fake, but there are actually couples that follow some form of household similar to it. Allegedly composed by a woman doctor in the early half of the 20th century the Spencer Plan states that a wife must always be spanked bare hand while a husband must always be whipped with a leather strap or paddle. This justice is administered for infractions determined by their contracts to one another.

So you’re not worried are you big guy?
The petite little woman will never be able to swing one of those big fraternity paddles. Don’t bet on it! Those things aren’t really all that heavy and just because she never played baseball, doesn’t mean that old battle-axe gym teacher she had, Ms. Ironbuns, didn’t teach her how to swing a bat for softball. Also those men who have been on the receiving end in such relationships can attest to the astonishing power hidden in that little hairbrush on her dressing table.

Oh, and be sure to watch your mouth in the kitchen if you see her reaching for a spatula or wooden spoon too.

Do you remember those old fashioned cartoons you watched on TV as a kid? Remember the wife swinging the rolling pin over her head as she chased her poor husband down the street? Well, the ol’ girl wasn’t stupid. She had no intention of giving the bread winner a life threatening concussion, she wanted a life altering experience for her man. She had a softer target in mind about three feet lower, and he knew it, which is why he ran like a bat from Hades.

What has the concept of LDD done for me?
It has taught me what was missing from my marriage, and why it failed. It has taught me that the emotions that so fill a woman’s soul, the things that define her femininity are the hardest things that she deals with, and sometimes she just needs a release. She needs her man, to be a man.