The Other Side of The Paddle

Minx at times, (perhaps not often enough) decides that she is going to try and satisfy my curiosity for submission.

Well, today was such a day.
Minx and I went out and partied a bit, and well... I've been trying to send signals that it's her turn to try and teach me what it might be like to be a submissive.

Damn that girl, she got the hint.

We came home from having a few brewskis at the club, and suddenly found ourselves with that ever so rare commodity.. Privacy.

I made some sort of offhand remark to suggest we play...
She responded with a certain... " Not me honey, you better stack the pillows on the bed so your ass can be up high..."

Well, mostly Dom that I am... Not today.
I promptly went to the bedroom and piled the pillows up high, got in position and waited. Damn theat girl didn't forget her comment and came into the bedroom.

Even worse...
She grabbed the canes. :(

It's a very strange dynamic we have, don't try this at home, your mileage will vary.

Minx has known, that her last punishment spankings have worn on me severely....
I've been concerned that I was too harsh and that I've put her through more than she could or should endure.

Well, belay that.
I told Minx that I wanted to know what I put her through... What it was like, stupid me...
She was all too willing to oblige.

My poor unsuspecting ass was propped high on a stack of pillows... "Oh, well, no matter what she has in mind it can't be too bad"

WRONG

She asked and stupid me told her that I wanted to know what it was like... the last MAJOR punishment that I gave her.

Well, let me just say that while you're getting 20 canes strokes, 10 with the thuddy and 10 with the thin stingy over a stack of pillows it's not very painful when you know that you feel10 of each again in the diaper position.

Yup, she did it.
Yup, it hurt like holy hell.
Yup, I enjoyed the comfort of her aftercare like I could not have imagined.... I hope it's always that way for her.

Damn, we have to BURN those canes.

Oh, the silly girl thinks she's going to give me a dose of the powertoys later on my already sore ass....

WRONG !!!
(I hope)

Could Submission Help Foster Feminine?

Privacy is such a rare thing for Minx and I right now. So, when we have it, we must use it even if the time may not be right emotion wise to address certain needs in a proper manner. However, we use what time we can in what ever way we can.

The other night Minx and I lay in bed and I rolled her over bottom up and gave her a warm bottom with hand and one of the light hairbrushes. It wasn't a spanking for a specific reason, nor was it very severe. Somehow I just thought it was needed. Her first reaction was "Do you feel better now?" referring to my obvious (biological response to having secured her submission for a spanking) pleasure while I spanked her. In response to her question I handed her the hairbrush rolled over and gave her the opportunity to have revenge which she too merrily indulged in.

When done I asked her "Do you feel better now?". She thought about it for a few seconds and completely ignored the fact that I gave her the opportunity to spank me and responded that it had been a while since she had a chance to feel submissive and feminine.

Tonight I came home and found Minx asleep on the sofa with the TV on... Butt in the air... Well you know what I did! Yeah, she jumped up and quickly sat up protecting her bottom from further immediate attention. Later I came over and gave her bottom more attention and remarked how we now had a Kodak moment candidate for the "Spanking Classics Red Butt of the Year" Award.

Actually, I believe she was again happy to have submitted for no other reason than to know that having submitted to my will that she be spanked made her feel more feminine.

What think yee?

Mea Culpa

Kinda weird, yeah...

Well, Minx and I can't really always talk since there is the shift thing... So, dear reader... You are privy to see some first person communication between Minx and I !

We haven’t ironed out all of the specifics it will take quite some time I’m sure, but we do have a unique DD relationship since I happen to be a switch.

Sexuality can and does play into such relationships where it isn’t just one partner who could find themselves with a tender bottom. Yes, spanking in spite of the painful discipline aspect can be, and most certainly is an erotic experience. Giving control to someone you love is just one of those things… or having control taken by the one you love… same thing.

So, that means that Minx on many more than one occasion has managed to spank my bottom tender. No, she doesn’t have it down perfect yet, but she has gotten much, much more effective each time she has spanked me. If I have to crawl over her lap I do know for a fact that by the time it is over I will have a very hot sore bottom. In fact it’s gotten to the point where yes, sexually it is exciting to think that she can (and will) do it, but on the other hand it’s far some something that I would actually look forward too. Of course, she has had some of her best tutoring at me knee. She has learned how to spank very hard, very long and very effectively and we don’t really know what it is, perhaps a little bit of switch in her persona. Or, just the idea of being the wonderful submissive that she is, she is somehow getting into the roll and liking it as if I’m topping from the bottom. Butt, she is liking the idea of turning my bottom red and purple, perhaps a little too much.

Things have been a bit difficult for Minx and I for the past few weeks. I was sick, she had a business trip, privacy has been at a premium and this past week one of my sons broke a bone and needed surgery. So, it’s been hard to pay attention to one another and hard to have any time at all to ourselves.

Additionaly, it's not always easy for her to see how much she lights up my life when she walks in the room. You see, I've found my perfect love. How do I identify Minx as my perfect love? Two words, actually a name... Ronald Reagan. Yeah, I'm a Red State kind of guy and Ronny can in many ways be my hero. However it's the love of Nancy Reagan that I wish to speak about. Ronald Reagan was in the White House and his aide was at his side. Nancy came in to see him and they talked and kissed and she then left the room. Ronny watched her leave and then turned to his aide and said " She is the only person in the world who can make me feel lonely, just by leaving the room.". He was in love, really in love with Nancy. I always hoped I could find a woman like that. Praise te Lord and pass the amunition... that lady is Minx.

Well sorry to say, Minx it turns out has been pissed at me and getting more pissed by the day and the hour. Yeah, I’m a guy so at times I do bark a bit in spite of my best efforts to be patient and remain in control of my mood. Well, poor Minx, she hasn’t been taking it well. The result has been that she hasn’t felt that she could talk to me and she has thought that anytime I’m not happy and smiling it must be because I’m upset with her. Well that’s certainly not true. Still, I felt quite a bit guilty about it and of all things, she decided that I needed my bottom heated because of it. Ok, well… Yes Mam. I of course fell into super apologetic mode and became perfectly willing to jump over to my submissive side, because I must have caused this problem for this wonderful woman that I love so much.

Well, back to the scenario of not having the perfect time and privacy for each other. So, I told her that I would do something about it and make sure she could take care of things. We need more quiet implements. My once almost scary rattan cane broke to about a 20" stubby, perhaps a bit of a OTK cane but certainly not scary quiet welt maker. "Minx, we need some quiet devices. I’m going to make a Loopy Johnny so you can tear my poor guilty butt apart and turn it into red and purple Jell-O and me into a quivering mass of guilty remorse". Well I did say something like that, although perhaps I didn’t use those exact words but she got the idea and so do you.

So, I did it. I made a rather formidable loopy and quite frankly I have absolutely no desire to feel it’s bite on my poor bottom. I tried it on my thigh and it has no allure for my somewhat nervous ass. The handle has to be about 12 or 14" long and for the business end, I put the leftover from a bungee cord that unwillingly gave it’s life for this device. I did make sure that it would stay put, I taped the bungee to the end of the handle (which I notched for the cord) and then poured a bunch of super glue into the attachment to make sure that no matter how hard the little bugger ripped my quivering butt it could still survive and rip more butt. Oh, and then I found the remnants of an old fishing rod in the cellar and placed the two together on top of the dresser for her to use as best she saw fit. That effin fishing rod BTW is one wicked welt maker… We’re talking no sit for a week kind of thing.

So, all sorts of wicked tools are available at Minx’s hand for her to use on my poor doomed butt. What happened? Nothing. Yeah, and now I’ve decided that things have to go the other way… Minx is the one who needs to be spanked.

Here’s the thing. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was too short with her. Maybe I was just too insensitive for her needs. Well, I went almost an entire day of doing the Mea Culpa thing… Then, well… If and when you are wrong and you are willing to accept responsibility and consequences for any possible wrongdoing…. That’s wonderful. However, your Mea Culpa needs to be accepted and eventually you need to be forgiven.

That did not happen.

Imagine me, trying to be submissive (as best I can) an almost sometimes Dom that I am, and asking for forgiveness… and not getting it. Uh, hello… how do you spell mistake and where was it made?

Ok, that went on for a while… times up.

Well Miss Minx…

You had the chance to forgive me as I would do in a heart beat for you… Butt, since you did not… Now, I think maybe, you were playing it for whatever it was worth. I think that maybe you were wondering concisely or not just what this role thing might do for you and I think that to a degree you were playing it for what it was worth and wondering. Nope, PMS is not an excuse. We needed to rest our heads on the pillow with things resolved, and that didn’t happen. Now, I’ve jumped back and I’m in HOH mode.

I’m just a little upset little lady.

Real or imagined, whatever has kept you from feeling open to me and not able to talk to me has done some damage and I will NOT let our relationship be damaged. Our relationship won’t be damaged by me and not by you… and certainly not by some sort of wall that I’m more than capable of, and willing to make endless efforts to tear down.

You, young lady will be getting a toasty warm bottom, you will not now or ever take advantage of my willingness to accept that maybe I did something wrong, then play it against us. Ok, maybe you did not, maybe you did but didn’t know it would have these consequences so maybe the sound spanking that you will be getting isn’t really fair in your mind. Well, it can’t always be fair and you do know that. However one way or another I will put an end to it, when it is done everyone and everything will be forgiven, period.

For one reason more than any other,

I love you sweetie...

Well, yeah back to the concept that you readers will know this as soon or sooner than Minx sees it. Yeah, who knows how she will read this. Butt, by the times she reads this the alarm will have gone off, she will have had a cup of coffee... So, before she leaves for work she will either come back into the bedroom and throw her cup of coffee on me, or... give me a hug and tell me she loves me too.

I'm betting on the latter.

Oh, BTW little lady, submission and maintenance spankings are back on as soon as, and whenever I see fit that they are needed, period.

Oh, Considering the season....
Mary Kate Danerher...
Do you go for it?

The Different Stages of a Spanking

I found a file on a Yahoo group. The file was posted by ddsamantha13, it appears to be a pretty good analysis of the different stages and thoughts that go through a submissive's mind during a spanking. What I'm going to do is quote the list, and comment on each item.

1. Submission to the spanking.

Time to submit, I am either required to bare myself and wait for him to enter the room, or he walks with me down the hall, holding my hand, leading me. Sometimes I pray: Lord forgive me for X. Father I give you this rebellious spirit and ask that you replace it with your Spirit, making me a treasure before you and my husband.

Other times, I have prayed WAY before the punishment and I am now either so overcome with remorse for what I have done--or I am in full dread mode because I know I truly deserve what is about to happen to me.

When it comes time to actually assume a position or retrieve an implement, I am usually embarrassed. Especially if he requires me to make eye contact.

Sometimes the punishment is proceeded by talking --WHILE I am in position. I am asked if I know why I am being punished and I am required to give an honest answer. If it is incomplete, or incorrect, I am told exactly WHY I am in the position I am in. I am asked if I FULLY understand. Then, the time for talking is over.

The submission began long before "The walk down the hall", of course it began with her decision to trust her HOH and give him the authority to hold her accountable. This isn't play and she knows it's not play, it's real because she and her HOH want it to be that way.

2. I can handle this.

Sometimes I skip this stage... if he starts out with lots of gusto. But if I enter this stage it is usually because I am a bit pious about my abilities to contain any emotion that might give him a sense of satisfaction. At this stage I have a wall of PRIDE, that I am not going to let him see me give into this pain... (Just remember Pride goeth before the panties fall... Or just after they fall... *said grinning*). Some times, if I have a defiant attitude about the punishment, I try to turn this into a battle of wills. He is NOT going to see me hurt!

She's describing a slow build-up and warm up for this stage, the way she describes it's as if she doesn't like her "Wall of Pride" and defiance, she'll be happy when it is gone and it won't be long now.

3. Ouch--that hurts.
My mind is beginning to spin and really think. It is usually not thinking on what got me here, but that it is hurting a bit more, but I am still not giving in. No way is he going to see me squirm! I MIGHT be starting to be a bit worried at this point.

The spanking is building upon itself and she's starting to remember that this isn't going to be pleasant.

4. Ouch that REALLY hurts.
Even closer, I am probably squirming quite a bit, repeating a mantra, of STOP I got the point, okay, pleeeeze stop, but still not thinking through why I am here. Besides the squirming, if I am OTK, even though my legs are trapped under his leg, my feet are trying to run the 3 minute mile....kicking frantically. If my head is in my pillow....I am squeezing it and biting it to not cry out too loud. I'm starting
to sweat!

The HOH is doing an effective job, but the job certainly isn't done yet. She's no longer trying to hide that it hurts, she's vocally admitting the spanking, but she hasn't accepted it yet. "Ok I get it" or "I'm sorry" at this stage just means the HOH needs to keep going, there's more work to do.

5. OK---ENOUGH--STOP!!!!
PURE PANIC sets in! Is this ever going to stop? I have to get away. The struggle becomes intensified. At this point the tiger is waking. FLIGHT-- or--FIGHT seem the only options.

The submissive has really begun to realize that the spanking is not optional. She's not going to make the storm on her butt go away with words, her natural instinct is to escape the pain. The HOH needs to make sure that she can not get away or the effort so far will have been a waste.

6. Full fledged anger and pain avoidance

(may physically fight HOH and need to be restrained or firmly held down so they understand that escape is NOT an option)

I AM NOT STAYING PUT ANY LONGER! BYE! I AM DONE-- CATCH YA LATER!! LET ME GO!!! NOW!!!!!!!!! Tiger is fully awake and In attack mode. My body is REALLY fighting now and all of my strength is fighting to escape. I am MAD!!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!!!! OH GOD......PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!!!!

This is like the previous stage but now her anger and desire to escape isn't just hot, it's boiliing. This is a very dangerous time, if she were to actually escape that tiger she describes would turn the tables and surely consume the poor unsuspecting helpless HOH.

7. Acceptance of punishment
(as shown by stopping fighting And accepting the spanks--HOH should be sure and continue for just a short bit at this point)

Now I know I can't get away so I think about why I am here (briefly) but it is very necessary for that to happen. The tiger is panting and out of fight...and is now accepting of her fate. She is starting to understand. No fighting now... just a slowly building awareness that a wrong has been done... and the price will be paid.

This stage is the first sign for the HOH that there is an end in sight and the job has been done properly. She now knows that her HOH has held her accountable, not just this time but she knows he will the next time too. There has been a special memory created, spanking the bottom has gotten to the brain.

8. Repentance
(need to be forgiven and vow to not do again)

Pride is gone! Why I am here has been thought through, and he has made sure I WILL AVOID AT ALL COSTS, any similar incident. Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted.
Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! YOU, for your submission, and HIM, for his strength and leadership in your relationship. All is again right in your little corner of God's world.

This is the Holy Grail of Loving Domestic Discipline. This is the most important part of the whole spanking. The HOH must forgive her, he should tell her that everything is forgiven, everything will be allright. The emotions that flow forth must be accepted with as much aftercare as needed, nothing else matters.

"Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted. Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! ... All is again right in your little corner of God's world."
What a wonderful sentiment.

I Was Wrong. Maitenance IS Important

Like many men and women after my marriage failed, and after years of little sexual excitement I gravitated to exploring BDSM. While there are many aspects of BDSM that I do like to explore, when I learned about Loving Domestic Discipline I realized that it was something more. Something more that had been missing from my life, specifically from my relationships. The concept of a happy household didn’t seem like an impossibility anymore. Like many of my age I grew up watching Donna Reed and the Nelsons. Their way of life had not become mine, it was all fantasy. Of course when I discovered LDD I read everything I could find about it, joined many Yahoo groups and read every blog I could find written by those who had established and were living in such relationships.

Of course the most important ingredients of LDD are trust and communication. Once they are firmly established, most couples seem to progress easily with perhaps a “health word”, but without a “safe word” which of course is an absolute must with BDSM. The underlying point being that LDD has to be real, not a game, absolutely nothing will prevent or stop that butt from getting sore. That’s why I initially had such a tough time accepting the need for Maintenance Spankings. Maintenance Spankings just appeared to be a contrived reason to spank, just fulfilling a spanking fetish. I was wrong.

I’ve come to believe that Maintenance Spankings could just be the most critical and necessary ingredient in a successful LDD relationship. For every couple? Of course not. I would caution anyone from ever taking the tact that LDD can only be done by their standards. In fact that’s one of the most critical dynamics of a Maintenance Spanking, giving the relationship the opportunity to communicate and explore, finding ways to make it stronger. Here’s a basic template for a Maintenance session:

Start off with a schedule, pick a day and time that you will likely be able to keep every week. If it is Saturday afternoon, it should be Saturday afternoon every week. If life throws you a curve ball and you have to postpone of course do so, but postpone, never cancel. Even if it has to be postponed till the following Saturday morning so be it. The Top will have to have an extra sore arm by Saturday night as the bottom’s butt must be treated twice in that day. Or the next day, but you get the picture. When you have some more experience “under your belt” so to speak, the Top and Bottom will have the opportunity to discuss and decide for themselves if once every two weeks or once a month or for that matter several times a week would work better for themselves. Nothing says you two can’t decide as you go, but it should be a mutual decision. Of course your mileage will vary.

Get together and talk, the conversation should be what you both expect and what your thoughts have been with how LDD is working for you. Decide how you both can use it to strengthen your relationship and make you both better. Of course avoid just making it a bitch session, if it turns into one put an end to it just like any argument. Cool heads must always prevail, revisit it when you both can talk and never argue, it’s not the time for anger. If either of you have anger, corner time before butt warming.

Maintenance is the place to explore, if you have a new implement this is the time to try it. IMHO you should never explore a brand new implement during a punishment when you won’t have the time to exchange feedback.

Severity should be just as intense as a basic punishment spanking, it has to be real. No, not a “you won’t be able to sit for two days” spanking but you’ll need to see all the stages, impatience straight through past tears to acceptance and full submission.

Maintenance Spankings offer the chance to reestablish the authority and reinforce or fan the flames of your mutual respect.

Although it should IMHO be severe, it’s Maintenance, not a punishment. Even if you use an implement, consider starting and finishing with bare hand OTK. Bare hand OTK… the touch, adds a closeness that doesn’t pass through the handle of a hairbrush.

Time permitting the aftercare should be as long and passionate as possible, at the very least never neglect aftercare for a Maintenance Spanking. Many couples report that they find the intensity of the experience leads to fabulous lovemaking. Yes, it has to be a real spanking and not an Erotic Spanking and not any kind of play. But nothing says when it’s over that you can’t play as much as you both desire.