The Other Side of The Paddle

Minx at times, (perhaps not often enough) decides that she is going to try and satisfy my curiosity for submission.

Well, today was such a day.
Minx and I went out and partied a bit, and well... I've been trying to send signals that it's her turn to try and teach me what it might be like to be a submissive.

Damn that girl, she got the hint.

We came home from having a few brewskis at the club, and suddenly found ourselves with that ever so rare commodity.. Privacy.

I made some sort of offhand remark to suggest we play...
She responded with a certain... " Not me honey, you better stack the pillows on the bed so your ass can be up high..."

Well, mostly Dom that I am... Not today.
I promptly went to the bedroom and piled the pillows up high, got in position and waited. Damn theat girl didn't forget her comment and came into the bedroom.

Even worse...
She grabbed the canes. :(

It's a very strange dynamic we have, don't try this at home, your mileage will vary.

Minx has known, that her last punishment spankings have worn on me severely....
I've been concerned that I was too harsh and that I've put her through more than she could or should endure.

Well, belay that.
I told Minx that I wanted to know what I put her through... What it was like, stupid me...
She was all too willing to oblige.

My poor unsuspecting ass was propped high on a stack of pillows... "Oh, well, no matter what she has in mind it can't be too bad"

WRONG

She asked and stupid me told her that I wanted to know what it was like... the last MAJOR punishment that I gave her.

Well, let me just say that while you're getting 20 canes strokes, 10 with the thuddy and 10 with the thin stingy over a stack of pillows it's not very painful when you know that you feel10 of each again in the diaper position.

Yup, she did it.
Yup, it hurt like holy hell.
Yup, I enjoyed the comfort of her aftercare like I could not have imagined.... I hope it's always that way for her.

Damn, we have to BURN those canes.

Oh, the silly girl thinks she's going to give me a dose of the powertoys later on my already sore ass....

WRONG !!!
(I hope)

Broken Cane

I’m about to tell some things about Minx and I that neither her nor I have ever discussed or "blogged" about before in any sort of detail.

Anyone who has read our blogs knows how I won't hesitate to spank her poor bottom raw...
Well, she just might very well...
No, ah shit...
She WILL be returning the favor.

Now those of you who may have read some on the things here, or particularly on my Yahoo 360 know that I am not your typical eyeryday found on any street corner Dom-ish Disciplinarian. If you know anything about me you’ll know that my first sparks into non-vanilla-ism was based on some deep seeded need to be submissive. Butt, then there were complications.

Well, like an experienced subbie friend who when I told her that I thought I had some dom-ish tendencies told me that she could tell I was a natural Dom but she knew I had to find that out for myself. Although my whole approach to LDD has been keeping it as far from BDSM as possible there are of course those other times when minds drift to the D/S aspects for any sort of play.

Well all of this gets so complicated and confusing sometimes…

There are times when I know that the label of switch suites me best. In any event Minx has known this about me from the start, or actually before the start and one of the first things that came up when we became an item was that perhaps a "Spencer" thing might work really well for us (at her suggestion). No, not that she has ever had any Fem-Dom desires but she does have a basic desire to give me whatever I might want or need.

Uh… is that bottoming from the Top or subbing from the side…
well…
who knows…
It doesn’t really matter in the long run…

Butt…

I resisted.

In hindsight not because I didn’t know that she was probably right but because I’ve spent an hour or two Googling "Spencer Plan" and have come to the conclusion that there is little if any evidence of it being any more than an urban legend. Some sort of well organized hoax story… great idea that it may be.
My resistance with time has worn away by my inner desire at times to be on the wrong end of the paddle, and to find ways to be closer to her.
.
Fast forward to a week or three ago…

On one of those rare occasions I found myself face down into the bedcovers with my butt propped high… Minx sitting on my back to hold me down and spanking the living daylights out of my poor ass. Yeah, despite underlying curiosities and all I don’t submit very well. Now… here’s the thing. Minx got VERY wet and I got very excited (read hard) about the whole idea.

So…
I told Minx that I was wrong to brush off her long ago suggestion and told her that yes, it might just be the perfect thing for the two of us.

Well, that of course means that at some point I have to get the same sort of AAAC (Avoid At All Cost) spanking that she has become very familiar with. Hard as it may be she has done her best to give me that spanking (Apparently I need to be restrained for such a thing). On the couple of occasions that she has tried to get us going on that track… I’ve resisted and Dom-ed my way out of those spankings.

The really scary part for me is that she has learned (first-hand) from our toy collection what really, really hurts. Oh yeah, she knows how to use them all including the old broken cane. Perhaps she needs to scold me into submitting without restraint. She did get me over some pillows and managed to land about nine really memorable strokes with the old (broken 6" short) cane. It was that last stroke, she was more adept with each one… Stroke number nine was extrememly painful and left my ass with a sore sport that lasted for about five days.

The whole experience brought to mind one of Minx's better quotes: "What the hell was I thinking when I decided on this whole spanking thing… I need a new hobby." (Scarlet Minx, 2008)

One of the unique aspects is that the whole time I may be thinking that a spanking may be enroute to my ass... I still have to be there holding Minx accountable... the double edged paddle of a Spencer-ish relationship.

I know how hard it is for Minx to even try (in spite of our recent discovery about it’s ability to get her wet).
Uh-Oh, did I somehow uncover a closet FemDom? We do have very little free and private time together, however I know the sooner or later the inevitable will certainly arrive upon my poor cheeks.

Thank you God for the gift of letting me have this woman in my life… I love her so much!

Minx my sweetie...

I LOVE YOU!

It's Not About the Cuffs

From the perspective of consenting adults who wish to practice DD, it’s very disturbing when one realizes that often those who crave to give up control to a would-be Head of Household have the potential to be blinded by their desires. Someone who has never been spanked as an adult, yet craves to give the authority for discipline to another becomes very vulnerable and can quickly become a victim of the uncertainty of her desires. Especially when it’s considered that often the would-be spankee believes that what they are looking for is a strong dominant person. Unfortunately they just may find a very strong dominant person or worse, an inexperienced dominant person and then have aspects of D/s play introduced.

There are far more people with D/s experience than there are with DD experience and knowledge cruising the pages and groups of the internet. It’s very easy for someone who wants to find a Head of Household to instead find a Dom. Consequently the would-be spankee in her haste to find relief for these cravings that she feels, willingly accepts that this must be part of what it is that she wants. The encounter can quickly digress to a very unfortunate and disappointing experience. I’m not trying to say that a Dom can’t be part of a wonderful fulfilling experience within the boundaries of a lifestyle of domestic discipline. In fact I believe it’s even possible for a woman to be submissive to her HOH under their chosen lifestyle of LDD and then have what would appear to be a completely different sexual role as a dominant behind the more intimate closed doors of the couple’s sex life with aspects of BDSM play.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with BDSM play. In fact, I can’t help but imagine that many couples who do have a very rewarding LDD lifestyle, do when the mood strikes them practice various aspects of BDSM play. The most important ingredient of such play is the fact that when safely practiced both, or all participants have an excellent understanding of just what is going to happen and that often such play is well choreographed to insure that nothing is left to chance when it comes to safety. The relentless mantra of those with extensive experience with BDSM is Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Yes, spanking can and does invoke some very powerful sexual sensations. However I believe that often what a woman may wish for is a more traditional lifestyle where she can freely choose to give her HOH the authority to discipline her for things that she wishes to be held accountable. Time and again she may have been upset with herself with some of her actions or in-actions and she does not want that to happen again. She wants to be encouraged to meet her own goals. Something of a paradox but none the less real, what is often actually happening here is the woman is choosing her own form of encouragement and that aspect is not sexual. She is looking for a different kind of strength that is not physical. Those base traits of character, integrity and consistency are the strengths that become key to LDD on any level, are also the keys to developing the LDD mantra of Communication and Trust. The fact that her HOH has risen to and accepted the role and has proven to be of strong enough character to do so with consistency and fairness can however act as a very strong emotional and sexual stimulant.

The Mentor and Spankee

"My bottom smarts"
"it stings so bad"
"It burns and hurts"
"I can't sit..."

So many women want to be able to say these things. It’s absolutely amazing how many women want to be disciplined and actually spanked till they can't think of anything else. They want to be spanked. They want a man who will take control and teach them to be submissive to his authority in a relationship.

But...
It just doesn't happen that way. For as hard as it is for a man to find a woman who wants to be spanked, it's just as hard for a woman to find a man that she can tell that she needs to be spanked.

So, many women while wanting to find a head of household actually find a Dom. That can be all well and good, or it could be a nightmare. He may work out to be the perfect solution or he may treat her as a doormat which may be the last thing she wants.

As I've posted before it's not domination that makes a good HOH, rather honorable character, integrity and consistency. It would seem that most people have a common view that respect must exist by and between both parties. How can you have respect without those precious traits.

However wherever or however you find these things people should always take every conceivable caution especially for that first time meeting if between a would-be Mentor and Spankee. Discuss it all and understand every step, ask and answer all question even the tough ones. Protect yourself with a call from a friend that knows. Nothing new, but when it feels like it's going to happen all caution goes to the wind, be smart and avoid that error.

The Dominant HOH

I've talked with several women who thought that what they needed was some form D/s or power exchange, They are usually of strong will and do not lack confidence yet they desire to give up control in the home. They gravitated to some sort of BDSM experience but had no interest in being the typical submissive or slave, that wasn't what they were looking for. One way or another they found out about Loving Domestic Discipline and now they've decided that it's the kind of relationship that they've always needed.

I've also read quite a few posts on bulletin boards written by women who say they are looking for a dominant man who will able to rise to the role of HOH. These women have a need to respect and be respected. On the other hand, too often waiting for them is the Dominant who will treat them like a doormat and that is not what they are after either.

So the point that I suppose I'm trying to make is that I don't believe a Head of Household need be of dominant nature in the D/s sense, but he does need to be strong. Seeking an HOH or seeking to be one... it's strength of character, integrity and decisiveness that are traits that must be sought and developed.

Once in a dynamic LDD relationship the ongoing need for respect, consistency and fairness can best be served with these old fashioned traits and nothing less. Remembering always that the HOH must live to a higher standard, the relationship makes both parties better.