How My Kinky History Led to My Spanking Desires

Early in the days when I began my blog about three years ago, I posted my history and how I initially became interested in adult spanking. I wasn’t comfortable leaving all of the ‘dirty detail’ information on the blog at the time. I believed that my ‘kinky’ background might have been too much of a distraction from what was becoming my all-encompassing interest in domestic discipline. I didn’t want it distracting from my sincere desire to pursue a DD lifestyle and to promote the benefits. Basically, I didn’t want anyone thinking that just because I’m a kinky bastard I thought up some plan to legitimize my beliefs.

Backpedal a few decades and my journey into the world of kink and fetish was probably seeded in my experience growing up in the 50s and 60s. Not unlike many of those times, as a child I would often find myself face being held to the cold black and yellow bathroom tile floor with my ass propped high in the air. Natually, while my ass was being filled with warm soapy water. Squirming and fighting just got me the extra discomfort and humiliation as my bare ass was spanked for squirming.

No, it was not and should not be considered abuse. That doesn’t mean that I condone young boys being given enemas and spanked on the bare ass by their MILF mothers today, times have changed.

However during the 50s and 60s it was very common for mothers to give their little boys (or girls) an enema for many reasons. Everything from tummy-ache to being moody qualified for, if not required a physic. “Oh, Myrtle… If that’s the way he’s acting you better give him an enema. Everyone does need one now and again so it certainly can’t hurt”.

One thing for sure in those days, whenever you claimed in the morning that you were too sick to go to school you could count on getting a good inner ass cleaning with lots of warm water and ivory soap. The other possible outcome was a visit from the doctor and then you would likely get a nice sore bump in the buttocks from the doctors oversized penicillin injection. Doctors weren’t afraid of overusing antibiotics in those days you know. Worse case which was more likely, you would get a warm soapy enema and then the doctor would come to the house (they did that in those days) and still give you a painful injection in your poor overworked butt. It’s just the way things were done in those days.

Of course then I had to play and experiment on my own in those days, and actually often did. Yes, I’ll admit it; Mr. Happy and his needs became a big part of the action. You see men have a prostate and often any form of anal stimulation gives a little boost to… well you know.

Well I think I’ve explained it to a degree, the inner desire of being dominated and forced to take an enema by a woman was always in the back of my mind. Whenever I felt comfortable enough to mention it with a potential partner, the usual response was that the idea was at least distasteful if not "Oh, that's disgusting". Besindes, it's not something that's easy to bring up, it’s just not one of those things that you can use to start a conversation. In fact he topic usually ended conversation not being the sort of thing you should mention to people you meet in a convenience store or at the typical church social. Hence my reluctance to be open about it and also why I pulled the information from my blog.

Fast forward a few decades from my childhood, I had spent 20 years married to a woman who at first claimed to want to experiment with things of kink to add some spice. That turned out to be nothing more than a lie. My hopes of ever being open and active with her with that part of my persona were dashed by comments like "I don't know how people could do that..." whenever I hinted at things.

Ok, so why did I crave having a woman give me enemas? Particularly I craved being told I was getting an enema if I wanted it or not. In fact especially if I didn’t want one. It just didn't make sense since I had been told by people that claim to know these things that I was an obvious Dominant. Well, it could be that I can ‘Switch’ and just might enjoy every aspect of such a potential D/s experience. After being separated, I made up my mind that I would never again settle for anyone who wasn’t willing to explore whatever mutual fantasies we had without being judgmental. The obvious conclusion was that my childhood memories had awakened my aparent need to be a submissive.

Several girlfriends later, one night I was talking on the phone with the latest potential victim of my need for sexual relief. The thing was, I was doing laundry. You see at that time I was Mr. Mom and doing laundry was just one of those chores that I had a tendency to put off. The incentive that I gave myself to do laundry was simple; I would permit myself a martini per load of wash. After several loads of wash it was not uncommon for me to wake up and wonder what happened to my clothes. Not an uncommon side effect of martini consumption I understand, but I digress.

Well, feeling loose tongued and not really giving a shit if I scared her off… I dropped the big one and told her that I had always had a kinky interest in being given enemas. I fully expected to hear a click on the other end of the phone line. Nope, she told me it was one of her favorite activities. Actually I should have known, she’s an RN and there’s no doubt about it, RNs are kinky. Let the games begin!

The RN adventure was certainly interesting, neither one of us were really sure if we were Dom, sub or Switch so we played every which way we could trying to find out with "Screw the Roses, Bring Me The Thorns". One of the other activities that we explored was spanking. That’s when I found out that I really do enjoy having a woman laying over my lap getting a good sound spanking. That was also when I found out that I don’t enjoy getting a spanking quite as much as I enjoying giving one. There’s that certain aspect about getting a spanking that always comes up just after going over a knee. When the first fews smacks land then all of a sudden the brain feels the sting, instantly you wonder why you ever thought you enjoyed being spanked.

Once I had this new adult spanking experience it became all I could think of and I wanted more. Naturally I started searching the Internet for as much spanking information as I could find. When I found ‘Fondly and Firmly” I had an epiphany. Immediately I realized that the reason my marriage had failed was because I never gave X the thing that she needed most, a good spanking.

Having discovered the world of Domestic Discipline I joined a few groups and forums and before long I was IMing with a woman who lived a few states away who had the same sort of desires. We spent hours on the phone and became pretty close and shared our thoughts on how Domestic Discipline could or should work. Just as with the RN she shared a kinky enema thing so naturally conversation became even easier for us. With her help I decided to put my DD thoughts to the Internet and created my “How to Tell Your Thick Headed Hubby” blog post. She was an accomplished blogger at the time and encouraged me. Since, she has had some very difficult times and her blog is long gone.

The primary direction for the essay was ‘for a guy, from a guy’ since it appeared from many of the DD and general spanking forum posts that I read, women found it difficult to vocalize to their boyfriends or husbands just what it was that they wanted.

My blog post began to get some attention and it wasn’t long before I received a few comments from women who said that they printed out my “Thick Headed Hubby” essay and it made it easier to convince their husbands just what they really wanted and needed.

There it is!

That's how I began blogging about Domestic Discipline. Naturally several days ago when Minx spanked me and then slipped a Fleet enema into my ass, I began thinking about all of these things again and I decided to get over it, and re-post my background for my readers to know.

Yet Another Memorable Spanking

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Broken Cane

I’m about to tell some things about Minx and I that neither her nor I have ever discussed or "blogged" about before in any sort of detail.

Anyone who has read our blogs knows how I won't hesitate to spank her poor bottom raw...
Well, she just might very well...
No, ah shit...
She WILL be returning the favor.

Now those of you who may have read some on the things here, or particularly on my Yahoo 360 know that I am not your typical eyeryday found on any street corner Dom-ish Disciplinarian. If you know anything about me you’ll know that my first sparks into non-vanilla-ism was based on some deep seeded need to be submissive. Butt, then there were complications.

Well, like an experienced subbie friend who when I told her that I thought I had some dom-ish tendencies told me that she could tell I was a natural Dom but she knew I had to find that out for myself. Although my whole approach to LDD has been keeping it as far from BDSM as possible there are of course those other times when minds drift to the D/S aspects for any sort of play.

Well all of this gets so complicated and confusing sometimes…

There are times when I know that the label of switch suites me best. In any event Minx has known this about me from the start, or actually before the start and one of the first things that came up when we became an item was that perhaps a "Spencer" thing might work really well for us (at her suggestion). No, not that she has ever had any Fem-Dom desires but she does have a basic desire to give me whatever I might want or need.

Uh… is that bottoming from the Top or subbing from the side…
well…
who knows…
It doesn’t really matter in the long run…

Butt…

I resisted.

In hindsight not because I didn’t know that she was probably right but because I’ve spent an hour or two Googling "Spencer Plan" and have come to the conclusion that there is little if any evidence of it being any more than an urban legend. Some sort of well organized hoax story… great idea that it may be.
My resistance with time has worn away by my inner desire at times to be on the wrong end of the paddle, and to find ways to be closer to her.
.
Fast forward to a week or three ago…

On one of those rare occasions I found myself face down into the bedcovers with my butt propped high… Minx sitting on my back to hold me down and spanking the living daylights out of my poor ass. Yeah, despite underlying curiosities and all I don’t submit very well. Now… here’s the thing. Minx got VERY wet and I got very excited (read hard) about the whole idea.

So…
I told Minx that I was wrong to brush off her long ago suggestion and told her that yes, it might just be the perfect thing for the two of us.

Well, that of course means that at some point I have to get the same sort of AAAC (Avoid At All Cost) spanking that she has become very familiar with. Hard as it may be she has done her best to give me that spanking (Apparently I need to be restrained for such a thing). On the couple of occasions that she has tried to get us going on that track… I’ve resisted and Dom-ed my way out of those spankings.

The really scary part for me is that she has learned (first-hand) from our toy collection what really, really hurts. Oh yeah, she knows how to use them all including the old broken cane. Perhaps she needs to scold me into submitting without restraint. She did get me over some pillows and managed to land about nine really memorable strokes with the old (broken 6" short) cane. It was that last stroke, she was more adept with each one… Stroke number nine was extrememly painful and left my ass with a sore sport that lasted for about five days.

The whole experience brought to mind one of Minx's better quotes: "What the hell was I thinking when I decided on this whole spanking thing… I need a new hobby." (Scarlet Minx, 2008)

One of the unique aspects is that the whole time I may be thinking that a spanking may be enroute to my ass... I still have to be there holding Minx accountable... the double edged paddle of a Spencer-ish relationship.

I know how hard it is for Minx to even try (in spite of our recent discovery about it’s ability to get her wet).
Uh-Oh, did I somehow uncover a closet FemDom? We do have very little free and private time together, however I know the sooner or later the inevitable will certainly arrive upon my poor cheeks.

Thank you God for the gift of letting me have this woman in my life… I love her so much!

Minx my sweetie...

I LOVE YOU!

It's Not About the Cuffs

From the perspective of consenting adults who wish to practice DD, it’s very disturbing when one realizes that often those who crave to give up control to a would-be Head of Household have the potential to be blinded by their desires. Someone who has never been spanked as an adult, yet craves to give the authority for discipline to another becomes very vulnerable and can quickly become a victim of the uncertainty of her desires. Especially when it’s considered that often the would-be spankee believes that what they are looking for is a strong dominant person. Unfortunately they just may find a very strong dominant person or worse, an inexperienced dominant person and then have aspects of D/s play introduced.

There are far more people with D/s experience than there are with DD experience and knowledge cruising the pages and groups of the internet. It’s very easy for someone who wants to find a Head of Household to instead find a Dom. Consequently the would-be spankee in her haste to find relief for these cravings that she feels, willingly accepts that this must be part of what it is that she wants. The encounter can quickly digress to a very unfortunate and disappointing experience. I’m not trying to say that a Dom can’t be part of a wonderful fulfilling experience within the boundaries of a lifestyle of domestic discipline. In fact I believe it’s even possible for a woman to be submissive to her HOH under their chosen lifestyle of LDD and then have what would appear to be a completely different sexual role as a dominant behind the more intimate closed doors of the couple’s sex life with aspects of BDSM play.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with BDSM play. In fact, I can’t help but imagine that many couples who do have a very rewarding LDD lifestyle, do when the mood strikes them practice various aspects of BDSM play. The most important ingredient of such play is the fact that when safely practiced both, or all participants have an excellent understanding of just what is going to happen and that often such play is well choreographed to insure that nothing is left to chance when it comes to safety. The relentless mantra of those with extensive experience with BDSM is Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Yes, spanking can and does invoke some very powerful sexual sensations. However I believe that often what a woman may wish for is a more traditional lifestyle where she can freely choose to give her HOH the authority to discipline her for things that she wishes to be held accountable. Time and again she may have been upset with herself with some of her actions or in-actions and she does not want that to happen again. She wants to be encouraged to meet her own goals. Something of a paradox but none the less real, what is often actually happening here is the woman is choosing her own form of encouragement and that aspect is not sexual. She is looking for a different kind of strength that is not physical. Those base traits of character, integrity and consistency are the strengths that become key to LDD on any level, are also the keys to developing the LDD mantra of Communication and Trust. The fact that her HOH has risen to and accepted the role and has proven to be of strong enough character to do so with consistency and fairness can however act as a very strong emotional and sexual stimulant.

Five Lies Women Tell Themselves

Wow, what an epiphany.

Guys... Wake up and smell the coffee!!!.

The woman in you life may very well want to tell you things... Things that she wants to do... Special things that may fulfill her fantasies. She needs you to have an open mind....

Here's the scoop:

I've spoken with more than one lady who has found her way into the world of DD through D/s or BDSM. In fact I've spoken with, or had LONG involved IM discussions with women who:

1) She’s was sure that you would NEVER agree to spank her.

2) She’s sure that you are SO square that if you heard her fantasies you would call a lawyer to find out how you could have her committed

3) She’s convinced that you'll never understand that SHE HAS FANTASIES TOO !!!! (because she doesn't know you have them).

4) She thinks that you would never let her try to find your 'G' spot. (Yes, you have one too)

5) That all you want is a quick lay or a nice BJ... and a cold beer... Well, you do!!! But more is nice too... but they she doesn’t know that.


These poor women just don't understand that we guys do have more than a passing interest in sex. The poor things think we just want to pump out a kid or two, get a nice BJ now and then and call it a day. The poor thing just doesn’t realize that we might actually be willing to climb into bed with both her and her fabulously large breasted best friend along with a bottle of chocolate syrup.

Yo...
(I'm from Philly)

For GOD sake tell her you like sex!!!

Is It True?

This entry started as a reply to sassyminx who commented on my previous post. I decided it needed an entry of it's own. Oh, well... perhaps it's silly to spend so much time wondering why we, who do TTWD, do this thing we do...


Does a submissve regret the disapponitment that you've caused your HOH more than the pain of the spanking?


Do you think this brings a D/s (as in BDSM) aspect to the relationship?

or...

Perhaps, do you think that that practicing LDD makes ones want to avoid the consequences of pain or dissapointment equally?

or...

Do you crave the pain of the punishment spanking because you know that with it comes forgiveness and aftercare?



Perhaps what drives you is the need for a 24/7 in the home. You are in control in your profession, but don't want control at all in your private life.

Just some thought provokers...

Tell me what you think, makes you crave LDD.

The Dominant HOH

I've talked with several women who thought that what they needed was some form D/s or power exchange, They are usually of strong will and do not lack confidence yet they desire to give up control in the home. They gravitated to some sort of BDSM experience but had no interest in being the typical submissive or slave, that wasn't what they were looking for. One way or another they found out about Loving Domestic Discipline and now they've decided that it's the kind of relationship that they've always needed.

I've also read quite a few posts on bulletin boards written by women who say they are looking for a dominant man who will able to rise to the role of HOH. These women have a need to respect and be respected. On the other hand, too often waiting for them is the Dominant who will treat them like a doormat and that is not what they are after either.

So the point that I suppose I'm trying to make is that I don't believe a Head of Household need be of dominant nature in the D/s sense, but he does need to be strong. Seeking an HOH or seeking to be one... it's strength of character, integrity and decisiveness that are traits that must be sought and developed.

Once in a dynamic LDD relationship the ongoing need for respect, consistency and fairness can best be served with these old fashioned traits and nothing less. Remembering always that the HOH must live to a higher standard, the relationship makes both parties better.