Walls of Resistance

One of the most difficult hurdles that an HOH can face is the fact that at times the spankee is resistant, or defiant prior to or during the spanking. No, not physically resistant, but the attitude just fights acceptance. The spankee knows that a spanking is needed and the spanking is actually wanted but there is just a combative mood that can keep the spanking from being effective if it isn’t addressed properly. The spanking is viewed as being inevitable and it is realized as being needed. Let’s call it a wall and unless that wall is broken down or at the very least, has a few cracks created the full benefits of the spanking won’t be realized. Perhaps it’s impatience with the whole procedure, “Just get it over with…” or it’s just one of those days and one of those moods. The spankee doesn’t like this aspect of her personality and she really is hoping that her HOH can bring her back to the person that she wants to be. The desire is there to be on the other side of the spanking cherishing the aftercare, but somehow that seems distant and unobtainable. If the disciplinarian can recognize this wall, this attitude of mental resistance there is a chance that it can be eliminated with careful scolding.

Life has a way of complicating even the most thought out actions and the fact that we are now such a mobile and sometimes distant society adds another dimension. We communicate and plan, often by phone or IM and the plane fact is that often without face to face interaction it’s difficult to really understand the emotional impacts of our words and actions. The result being that often the spanking may have been over planned well in advance. The spanking may have been scheduled or it may have been talked over far too many times or already at too much length. There may very well have been scolding, hours or even days before the spanking has a chance to become reality. The value of anticipation can be lost and that wall who’s downfall is sought may have already been cracked but has already begun to mend. Consequently the value that scolding can add to the process isn’t as strong or as attention getting as it might have been when the need for the spanking was first realized.

Ultimately there may be a point where the full acceptance of the spanking just isn’t going to happen. Continued spanking will only cause physical results and the message that both parties want to become reality just won’t arrive. It might be necessary for the disciplinarian to turn the purpose of the spanking. “I’m just not getting through to you am I? I hope I’m wrong but we may just have to visit this subject again and if we do, it will be much worse.” Give forgiveness and full attention to aftercare, talk it over and realize that sometimes the most important result that may come from the discipline is the reinforcement that the HOH won’t hesitate to do whatever is needed. In this respect what may have originally been intended as punishment may in fact be more maintenance than discipline. There should of course be communication. Talking it over later may reveal that there might have been some aspect of the scolding that may have encouraged anger instead of remorse. In any event it’s not something that should be viewed as regretful, but embraced more for it’s value as it can teach both HOH and partner how to work together.

The HOH must learn lessons too. Sometimes the basic lesson is nothing more than being able to understand that there can be too much build up. Perhaps too much time between the points where it was realized that a spanking was called for and when it finally comes to fruition. Understanding that it’s always better if the peak of emotion can be matched with the act of submission. Remorse for having disappointed the HOH can be much more meaningful and intense, not just breaking the wall but removing it’s foundation.

Pain or Pleasure

The head of household has ordered his partner to the corner, at the appropriate moment he then orders her to his side. He clearly explains what is going to happen, she is going to be spanked. He’s made it clear that it’s not going to be quick and done, this will take a while. By the time he is done he intends to have completely secured her submission to him as her HOH.

Her skirt has been raised, her panties are down, she is laying across her HOH’s knee, she knows that there is no escape as she waits for the spanking to begin. She feels the first light slaps find her still cool bottom as the warm-up begins. The slaps are not very rapid and in fact are happening very slowly, there are pauses as he caresses between slaps. The spanks are coming harder now, in fact, very hard but still not very fast. The smacks sting and warm her bottom but it’s a good warm, the sting tingles and it’s spreading to other areas. His hands are roaming more and more, fingers are probing everywhere between smacks and instead of kicking and trying to escape, this time her pelvis is thrusting upward to meet and welcome every hard smack. She knows the spanking is getting very intense but she no longer hates the pain, she now craves it. She is somewhere different now, floating like an out of body experience and all sense of time is gone. The HOH is totally amazed at the response from each swing, there appears to be no end to her pleasure, she wants more and more.

What has happened here is that with very little difference in the actual process of spanking, pausing and probing and caressing has taken what would be an act of discipline and turned it into an extraordinarily erotic experience. The preparation, the words that were spoken, all similar but profoundly different and the intended destination of the spanking was different too. I’ve said before that one does not spank the butt, it’s merely a conduit to the brain. This time it has become a conduit to indescribable pleasure.

What is illustrated here is the power in the words and delivery. That swing with the stingy paddle can have a profoundly different response when it lands on the bottom. How it was framed, with scolding and other preparation a spanking is sent to the emotional core and the sting in the butt is small compared to the pain of knowing she caused her HOH disappointment.

The Different Stages of a Spanking

I found a file on a Yahoo group. The file was posted by ddsamantha13, it appears to be a pretty good analysis of the different stages and thoughts that go through a submissive's mind during a spanking. What I'm going to do is quote the list, and comment on each item.

1. Submission to the spanking.

Time to submit, I am either required to bare myself and wait for him to enter the room, or he walks with me down the hall, holding my hand, leading me. Sometimes I pray: Lord forgive me for X. Father I give you this rebellious spirit and ask that you replace it with your Spirit, making me a treasure before you and my husband.

Other times, I have prayed WAY before the punishment and I am now either so overcome with remorse for what I have done--or I am in full dread mode because I know I truly deserve what is about to happen to me.

When it comes time to actually assume a position or retrieve an implement, I am usually embarrassed. Especially if he requires me to make eye contact.

Sometimes the punishment is proceeded by talking --WHILE I am in position. I am asked if I know why I am being punished and I am required to give an honest answer. If it is incomplete, or incorrect, I am told exactly WHY I am in the position I am in. I am asked if I FULLY understand. Then, the time for talking is over.

The submission began long before "The walk down the hall", of course it began with her decision to trust her HOH and give him the authority to hold her accountable. This isn't play and she knows it's not play, it's real because she and her HOH want it to be that way.

2. I can handle this.

Sometimes I skip this stage... if he starts out with lots of gusto. But if I enter this stage it is usually because I am a bit pious about my abilities to contain any emotion that might give him a sense of satisfaction. At this stage I have a wall of PRIDE, that I am not going to let him see me give into this pain... (Just remember Pride goeth before the panties fall... Or just after they fall... *said grinning*). Some times, if I have a defiant attitude about the punishment, I try to turn this into a battle of wills. He is NOT going to see me hurt!

She's describing a slow build-up and warm up for this stage, the way she describes it's as if she doesn't like her "Wall of Pride" and defiance, she'll be happy when it is gone and it won't be long now.

3. Ouch--that hurts.
My mind is beginning to spin and really think. It is usually not thinking on what got me here, but that it is hurting a bit more, but I am still not giving in. No way is he going to see me squirm! I MIGHT be starting to be a bit worried at this point.

The spanking is building upon itself and she's starting to remember that this isn't going to be pleasant.

4. Ouch that REALLY hurts.
Even closer, I am probably squirming quite a bit, repeating a mantra, of STOP I got the point, okay, pleeeeze stop, but still not thinking through why I am here. Besides the squirming, if I am OTK, even though my legs are trapped under his leg, my feet are trying to run the 3 minute mile....kicking frantically. If my head is in my pillow....I am squeezing it and biting it to not cry out too loud. I'm starting
to sweat!

The HOH is doing an effective job, but the job certainly isn't done yet. She's no longer trying to hide that it hurts, she's vocally admitting the spanking, but she hasn't accepted it yet. "Ok I get it" or "I'm sorry" at this stage just means the HOH needs to keep going, there's more work to do.

5. OK---ENOUGH--STOP!!!!
PURE PANIC sets in! Is this ever going to stop? I have to get away. The struggle becomes intensified. At this point the tiger is waking. FLIGHT-- or--FIGHT seem the only options.

The submissive has really begun to realize that the spanking is not optional. She's not going to make the storm on her butt go away with words, her natural instinct is to escape the pain. The HOH needs to make sure that she can not get away or the effort so far will have been a waste.

6. Full fledged anger and pain avoidance

(may physically fight HOH and need to be restrained or firmly held down so they understand that escape is NOT an option)

I AM NOT STAYING PUT ANY LONGER! BYE! I AM DONE-- CATCH YA LATER!! LET ME GO!!! NOW!!!!!!!!! Tiger is fully awake and In attack mode. My body is REALLY fighting now and all of my strength is fighting to escape. I am MAD!!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!!!! OH GOD......PLEASE MAKE HIM STOP!!!!

This is like the previous stage but now her anger and desire to escape isn't just hot, it's boiliing. This is a very dangerous time, if she were to actually escape that tiger she describes would turn the tables and surely consume the poor unsuspecting helpless HOH.

7. Acceptance of punishment
(as shown by stopping fighting And accepting the spanks--HOH should be sure and continue for just a short bit at this point)

Now I know I can't get away so I think about why I am here (briefly) but it is very necessary for that to happen. The tiger is panting and out of fight...and is now accepting of her fate. She is starting to understand. No fighting now... just a slowly building awareness that a wrong has been done... and the price will be paid.

This stage is the first sign for the HOH that there is an end in sight and the job has been done properly. She now knows that her HOH has held her accountable, not just this time but she knows he will the next time too. There has been a special memory created, spanking the bottom has gotten to the brain.

8. Repentance
(need to be forgiven and vow to not do again)

Pride is gone! Why I am here has been thought through, and he has made sure I WILL AVOID AT ALL COSTS, any similar incident. Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted.
Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! YOU, for your submission, and HIM, for his strength and leadership in your relationship. All is again right in your little corner of God's world.

This is the Holy Grail of Loving Domestic Discipline. This is the most important part of the whole spanking. The HOH must forgive her, he should tell her that everything is forgiven, everything will be allright. The emotions that flow forth must be accepted with as much aftercare as needed, nothing else matters.

"Guilt is gone, and forgiveness granted. Sweet Sweet, Sweet. What an act of love... by both of you! ... All is again right in your little corner of God's world."
What a wonderful sentiment.

The Benefits of Scolding

At the very least right before a punishment spanking starts there should be a “talking to”. It’s very important to reinforce and in the case of a punishment spanking, actually rebuild submission. Therefore it should go without saying that scolding can be a very big part of a punishment spanking, by setting and controlling the mood. It doesn’t have to be long, berating or intense enough to bring tears before a smack touches butt. It does however have to be a clear explanation to the bottom why she is getting spanked, she should of course agree that the forthcoming spanking is well deserved.

The scolding doesn’t have to be a two-way conversation, it can be a lecture during corner time. It should however be punctuated with properly placed questions to keep the attention and to make sure she is involved in, or agrees with the decision that a spanking is called for.

HOH: “You, never should have tried to put off taking care of that matter. It would have been so much simpler for everyone if you had simply taken care of it as soon as you knew it had to be done. Is there some reason why you thought it had to be put off till the last minute?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then perhaps I should blame myself for neglecting your discipline.
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: Perhaps our maintenance isn’t often enough, or severe enough to remind you that I will hold you accountable, did I somehow give you that impression?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Did you think that when I found out I would simply ignore the matter?”
SO: “No Sir”.

HOH: “Then I can assume that we both agree that you deserve to be punished?”
SO: ”Yes Sir”.

HOH: “Do you know what I’m going to do about this matter?”
SO: “Yes Sir”

HOH: “Tell me what’s going to be happening here in a few minutes”
SO: “You’re going to spank me Sir”

HOH: “Well that’s part of it I suppose. Actually I’m going to be teaching you some lessons, lessons that I had hoped you would have learned already without forcing me to spank you. I’m going to remind you that when you have something to do, you need to do it and not procrastinate. I’m going to remind you that I will hold you accountable, because you want me to. I’m going to remind you of your submission to me. I’m going to remind you that I will not ever ignore my responsibility and that the consequences of disappointing me can be severe and are best avoided. If I don’t sense that you are truly sorry, we’ll be doing this again until you are. Do you understand me?”
SO: “Yes Sir”.

These questions and statements don’t have to be right after one another, they can of course be several minutes apart during corner time. The significance and intensity will be far greater and you’ll be much more likely to force her emotions to release freeing and clearing her mind and heart of everything until the only thing left between the two of you is love.

These things, some or all need to be said, always remembering that you’re really spanking the mind, not the buttocks. These things, some or all do need to be said, but never yelled. If you’re yelling, you need to calm down before you go any further.